Butterflies and Yoga Teacher Training

Trip Start Oct 30, 2007
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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Earlier today I was standing in the sea up to my hips in the clear turquoise water, looking at my feet stand on the wavy sand below. A butterfly flew under my gaze. A beautiful majestic butterfly, like only butterflies can be. It was such an awesome moment that a smile instantly bloomed on my face. The first thought I had following that moment was "When such intensely joyful beauty exist in this world, why do I waste even a moment complaining/rejecting/criticizing anything in this world instead of just relaxing and experiencing this intense beauty and joy?

In a way, this is why I haven't written here in a while. Every time I was thinking of writing about my experiences I noticed that all I really wanted to share (though covered with much charm and smile) were complaints.

The three months I spent at the Pyramid Yoga Teacher Training Course did not meet my expectations and I got caught up in a self-righteous process of emitting "I reject you" energy towards my teachers. The details of the story, although very tempting to tell (with all the wit and witnesses I've gathered to tell you the "I was wronged" story), are surprisingly insignificant to me anymore.

What is significant to me now is that I got to see beyond it, and now I see what an incredibly beautiful experience it was, most likely, and maybe unsurprisingly, because of the discord.

I have learned a lot from this experience, way beyond mantra-s, mudra-s and asana-s. I have understood that every single being I meet is a teacher, as our interactions will tell me (if I am willing to observe) about "my own" true nature.

I have learned that every expectation carries within it two seedlings of suffering; the attachment to circumstance and the attachment to outcome.

I have seen yet again the suffering that we cause ourselves by constantly creating these attachments by setting expectations for every single moment. They literally exist in every single moment of our lives. The more I was noticing attachments the more I noticed that there were so many that I did not notice. But with every attachment noticed and released, I was relaxing back into the state of appreciating and enjoying the present moment. So much so that "I" often released the attachment to ownership of "I".
Intensely therapeutic moments of joy.

I have learned that every moment presents an opportunity to ENJOY. That all the suffering that I experience during any moment is only a result of the attachments that are carried within each expectation I make.
I have learned that every moment offers infinite possible options for the next moment and that each of these options is literally a CHOICE. And that all of choices are equally good and it really makes no difference which choice I make. What will make a difference is how I act after I choose an option. Am I joyfully enjoying it or am I wasting my time doubting my 'decision' and wondering how life would be if I've made a different choice?

I have learned all that and so much more during those 12 weeks. I know now that while my expectations of the course did not manifest, the experience surpassed any expectation I could have had because I just did not know to expect such glorious expansion.

I have met many beautiful beings during the training, Some taught me by modeling what I'd like to become, some taught me by modeling what I want to let go. And while I'm aware that the latter teaching is not as joyful as the first, I'm deeply grateful for all that I've learned.

Thank you Emma, Ashton, Elodie, Collin, Melissa, Tucker, Tessa, LeAnne, Marika, Tijhn, Karl, Tia, Heather, Latisha, Selina, Joody, Caela, Niomi, Laura, Sharon, Desmond, Allison, Frida, Cherrie, Ikru, Tse Tse, Michelle, Eric, Sara, Kes, Marina, David and all the other beautiful teachers I met there. I have learned from each of you.

A special thank you to you, Kyndra, for sharing with me your motto "Look up, go fast, don't crash!", for weaving dreams with me, for shining light on what's ahead in my path, for laughing so freely and for playing with me in the water. I believe I have learned the true essence of yoga from you, Kyndra. And I'm very grateful for that.

Next stop, Israel.
So, setting an intention to notice and let go of any attachments to circumstance and outcome, I have made a few choices that might involve some of you. I have chosen to go to Israel next week (via one day in Amman, Jordan, Insha'alla!) and enjoy some time with my mother. My dream is for us to interact through yoga and that "I" will help "her" heal herself through the teachings of yoga. Regardless of the outcome of my upcoming visit to Israel, I am maintaining an intention to notice my attachments in my expectations and let them go. I wonder how long it will take me to remember this when the next conflicts shows up. I also wonder if I can find the fine borderline that separates manifestations from expectations.
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