Relaxing into alignment

Trip Start Oct 30, 2007

107

Trip End Ongoing

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Flag of Thailand Ko Phangan, Thailand
Monday, February 16, 2009

In alignment class today I noticed that my left Adductors* muscles were shorter than the right ones. I was practicing revolved triangle and noticed that I cannot rotate while keeping the lower back flat as required on my left side without getting a sharp pain. So I bent my left knee, giving my left Adductors a break, and was able to practice the asana. They will lengthen in time.

I am realizing that in this practice of yoga it is the noticing of the subtle variations and imbalances, both in body and mind, that are the "juice" of the practice. No more general complaints about "not being flexible" or not being "good enough" but just a gentle noticing of the imbalance, knowing the balanced state I'd like to reach, and relaxing in this knowing. The constant pointing at whatever is "wrong" in me only brings more complaining and no alignment.

Yesterday I was talking with Tucker, one of my classmates who told me about a somewhat crude dialogue he had with one of the female students in the class. He meant to amuse me, but I, in turn, warned him that his behavior may be inappropriate. He was not happy about it.

The following 12 hours did not feel very good to me. Why did I have to point out what is "wrong" with him? Why couldn't I just accept him as he is?

Using the self-analysis I developed I realized I was stingy and arrogant towards him, stemming from my "I don't have enough" and "I'm not good enough" fears. I'm probably envy of his popularity in the course and therefore was trying to stop him on his tracks.

Can I let go of making myself wrong for keeping on going back to "not good enough" and "not having enough"? Can I just relax, like I'm doing with my left Adductors, into the knowing that I aim towards feeling equal and abundant rather than pointing out my fears of inequality and lack?

I will certainly intend that. The lengthening and the relaxing will show up in time.

Breathe.

* Adductors are a group of muscles that include: the Adductor Magnus, Longus and Brevis, the Gracilis and the Pectineus