Speedin'

  Lubeck, Germany
Sunday, December 3, 2006

Previously written down in another story

Note to self, get more sleep
Reply to self, go fuck yourself, the Ashes are on.
Note to self, good reply

And so it goes. Once again, no sleep (I keep staying up to watch the cricket !!!) and another very early morning drive to Stanstead as we are going to be flying to Germany. We had the usual Ryanair shit fight to get a seat, but we got one easily enough. I slept the majority of the trip, and once down, we went out to the Hertz desk to get our car. I gave my name and they announced that I had been upgraded to a BMV, from the Polo I had booked. We went outside and there it was. A little graphite BMV. We jumped in, there was no key, there was a slot instead. I pushed it in and couldn't get the car to start. I pushed the start button and it still didn't do anything. I put my foot on the clutch, and the shitter roared into life. Onto the autobahn we went. I put my foot down and asked Lucy how fast were we going. She said around 120 K's, I asked for the camera and took a shot. When I gave it back, she wasn't very impressed. The camera was showing 200 Kph !!! I backed off a little and not long after we arrived at our first stop

Luneburg

Parked up and into town we went. It is over 1000 years old and the place use to be the centre for salt production until 1980. Once stopped, the town became a tourist Mecca because all of the buildings lean more than 2 metres over. Rather amusing to look at. There is a story that the guy who designed St Johanniskirche was pissed off with the leaning steeple that he climbed it and jumped, bounced off the sides and landed in a haycart. He then went and got pissed, and died when he hit his head the same night. Sounds like a load of shit, but the church was nice. All the lanes were buzzing with Christmas markets, so we did the right thing, and dived into them. Hit the Gluwein and it went down a treat. A plate of mushrooms followed, then it was time to leave and hit the next town that was calling us.

Hamburg

Finding the hotel was hard. Fucking Hamburg. Well, we didn't have a map !!! Dumped the bags and hit the pavement. Germany is a funny place. When at a crossing, if it says don't walk, they don't walk. Us being of the non-German type, tend to jaywalk regularly. So we did this from the start. Hit the first markets, and our first gluwein, well the second for the day. We were becoming kind of bored of the standard gluwein, so we resorted to doing what the locals do. We stuck in either Amaretto or Rum, just for the extra kick. It went down a treat. I was warming up inside. Bratwursts were being consumed as well. We were becoming more and more German. My hair took on a mullet style and I was immediately accepted as one of them !!! We were eating a bread thing when Lucy practically had an orgasm on the spot. She had spied a Hamburg special. A half metre of pork and she had to have one. We knocked it back followed by more gluwein. I was starting to get pissed. I had lost count of the amount we had had. We were not on a pub crawl, this was a Christmas market frenzy. Pouring those gluweins like there was no tomorrow !!! It started to rain, but that didn't deter us. Ok, it did, so we stumbled our way back to the hotel bar, where we had a quick beer, it was fucking horrible !!! Should have stayed on the gluweins !!! Then died.I awoke without a hangover. This gluwein must be good shit !!! We checked out and moved back onto the autobahn. Once again I asked for the camera. Reason? In Germany, the slow drivers stay in the right hand lane. I was doing 160 K's in the slow lane and I had cars overtaking me in the centre and the far left lane !!! Due to the speed we were travelling at, it wasn't long
before we were at our final destination.

Lubeck

We had tried to come here previously back in 2004, but a jam on the autobahn had fucked us up. This time there were no problems. Lubeck, the whole town is UNESCO listed. Last year in Nepal, we went to a UNESCO listed town and they wanted to charge us $10 to get in. I like Lubeck, it is free !!! We walked through the big old town gates. They were very impressive. Up into town we went and into another Christmas market. No gluwein as we were really here to see Ice World. Loads of stuff made out of ice and a rink for Lucy to fly around on. The markets were nice and we ended up at Marienkirche. Inside, there were loads of murals, but apparently there use to be more until WW2 happened and Lubeck had the shit bombed out of it. During one of the bombing raids, this church was hit, the bells fell from the tower and landed in the church. They have been left as a reminder to that day. There was also a nice astrological clock inside. Snap, picture taken. We walked out and into some little alleys. During the 16th century, the locals were hard up for accommodation, so they built all these little alms houses. They use to be worth nothing, now they cost loads to buy. They were according to Lucy, kind of cute !!! It really didn't take long to see the whole of Lubeck, and we still had not found Ice World. We went back to the Tourist Information and asked where it was. They told us it was running behind schedule and will be ready during the week and we would need to come back !!! We didn't drink any gluwein today. I think my body needs to recover from it !!! However, the people of Lubeck were kind enough to put on a sound and light show against the tower gates to make up for Lucy's loss, so they can't be all that bad !

Summary

It has been two years since Lucy and myself have been to Christmas markets. They are still loads of fun, but I think I ate a little to much pork again, just like Oktoberfest. Fuck I love my pork and I can't wait to do it again. Next week however, we will be somewhere new because

Tis the season of cheap flights, tralalalalalalalala