The End of an Amazing Journey...

Trip Start Feb 06, 2007
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Trip End Apr 26, 2009


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Flag of Paraguay  ,
Tuesday, March 6, 2007

I write to you back in the States filled with so much confusion...about where am I actually supposed to be in life. I thought that this experience was going to bef or me...that this was what God wanted me to do, but I have hit the one month mark and I just don't see myself here in this Peace Corps picture. After careful consideration and prayer, I have decided to end my training with the Peace Corps. You may recall that I asked several weeks ago to pray for me as I had an unspoken. Well here it is...Peace Corps wanted me to chance some aspects about me in order to "possibly" be a successful volunteer in my future site. I am very disappointed with the PC system and somewhat in the culture of Paraguay in that certain characteristics and my behavior might be taken in the wrong way...hence, the changes they wanted me to make. Of course, this is the clean version.

What have I learned?

Good question. I am who I am. No one should ever have to change who they are...how God made you is who you are -- it's what is specail about me - my constant cheerfulness, my love of talking to other people about random things, always laughing, and carrying on... We as Americans pride ourselves on our individuality..it's what makes us a very special and unique people. I tired to explain... you know the old saying, "what you see is what you get." When I was told that I was going to have to change or face serious difficultues in my service within my community in order to integrate, that was a clean signal to me that...Trevor, you don't need to chance who you are in order to please other people in order to help them --- something that I can do without repurcussion back home in the States.

The fact of the matter is that we have it so gOOD in the good ole' USA. No one can ever truly and fully realize that until you travel to another country and LIVE just like the locals do for an extended period of time. I may have only done this for one month and two days, but for me, it was enough to tell me that ... you know, Trevor... this isn't for you. (Funny moments, including falling into the latrine, no toilet paper in the latrine, brusing teeth at the well, drawing water from the well in the morning, noon, and night, bug galore in my room and flies by the thousand, washing clothes by hand, and eating the same foods over and over). The cold hard fact is that Peace Corps isn't for everyone, and I am just not ready for two years of this type of service in a foreign country. My enthusiasm, granted, was completely squelched when I had to sit down and talk with my trainers about the "changes" that were needed to be made. It was like being stabbed in the back. I just couldn't breath. This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time...live in another culture and help in some way...but just a week into my experience, it turned negative and hasn't gotten any better since then (except for the time that I spend in the schools or am with reading club kids).

Yes, I am very disappointed in myself. I spent months soliciting support from my friends, families, and businesses in which I received both financially and prayerfull and now this dream is coming to a close. When your health and happiness comei nto question, the thing you need to do is to rest on it...I did that and am convinced, at least for the time being, that I am making the right decision to return home.
With al of this said, I know that months down the road and even years in the future, I will regret this decision. But, for now, I want to put this negative experience behind me and move on with my life. Any prayeful support you can offer for me would be most appreciated. The biggest challenge for me was getting on the plane on Feb 5. On that very cold day, I was convinced that this was going to be the greatest experience of my life..but I guess I came in expecting too much and, as a result, the system let me down big time. I don't expect any of you to fully understand where I am coming from and I expect many of you will be disappointed in me. I, with the support of my immediate family, am prepared for such disspointment.
What's in my future? If you only knew how many times I asked God that in the past month...I just don't really know to be honest. I have all these things that I want to do with my life, but this experience has for now...halted them.
The clearance process to leave the PC early is lengthy, but in the works as I type this. For those of you who supported me financially, I will mail a reimbursement check back to you by March 20. I am working on that now with my bank.

Until next time, Trevor
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Comments

mountainrose
mountainrose on

Continue to Smile, Laugh, and Have FUN
Trevor,
Just wanted you to know that we are not disappointed with your decision (or the one you were backed into making.) Anything that involves the federal government is never clear cut and always filled with bureaucracy. Whether you fit into their mold or not, it is certainly not important to either of us. You are just fine the way you are... well except when you are attempting to boss me around)

Will talk with you later, feel free to give us a call if you get some internet time before your trip to the USA.

Mike
P.S. Maybe you will get back in time to complete your jury duty!!

dhargabright
dhargabright on

part of the journey
There is so much to say yet nothing I can say that will ease your heartache right now, just know that you are loved even when I didn't say it, even when I didn't show it -- remember what Darryl always says 'read the book' -- there is rest and strength in Isaiah 40:31 and a promise of goodness from Romans 8:26 - 31. In my prayers you will be, Diane

darryl.davids
darryl.davids on

A LESSON LEARNED
Trevor, you will be hardest on yourself... we are not your judge, we are your family in Jesus Christ. If you are folowing God's Holy Spirit, then no appoligies are needed or required. Our hearts and homes are always open to you, be carefully and I look forward to seeing your smiling face back in SC. Also, I can not speak for others, but the money Beth & I gave had no conditions -- keep it and use it. God Bless, be careful on the way home.

sbuhse
sbuhse on

Wedgefield Bound
Trevor, please know that Ron and I pray for you daily. We love you for who you are not what you can and will be. Your endeavor has been admirable to say the least, and will be just one of many as you find your nitch in this big bad world. Go easy on yourself, God is so apparent in you, I've never told you but, just being around you helped me to grow in my walk. I personally am glad to hear of your return and would love to have my tenor buddy back. You are loved and missed, hurry home, we will continue to be in prayer for a safe return. Sandy

hunyhmlton
hunyhmlton on

Hey Trev!
Listen babe, dont be disappointed in yourself, I know Im not, your a grown man & made the choice that was best for you. I love ya & we cant wait to see you, hang in there until then, we are saying prayers, love ya bunches!
Taunt

hunyhmlton
hunyhmlton on

This is Amber Trevor,
Trevor, listen to me buddy, You should know that absolutely no one but you, yourself will be disappointed in you!!!! I am so very proud of you for being able to leave us at the airport on feb. 6 with the BIGGEST smile on your fac1111 I would never have been able to do that!!! YOu are a wounderful person inside and out....JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!!!!! YOu have a heart of gold, and will
STILL go very far in life...you know that! I pray everyday and night for you Trevor T.!!! I am actually happy that you are considering coming home, cause we (I) miss you sooooo much!!! I know we didnt see alot of each other, but it really sucks when I need or just want to talk to you, and I cant!!!! Well, we..cherish,dad, and I JUST got in from Tenn, and you know I had to get taunt some krystals, and we stopped to see sarah jane too, we went to see grandaddy, he says hi and he loves you(everyone else doees too)!! I love you so very much Trevor, and I will say a SPECIAL prayer for you tonite, God will never lead you in the wrong direction....and as one of his followers, this could only mean one thing....HE only has something better in store for you! :) keep a smile on your face for me, please!!!!! :):) i love you buddy!!!!!!!!

snowlover77
snowlover77 on

Thinking About You
Hi Trevor, Please know this....I support your decision to end your tour with the Peace Corp. I know you have given it much thought and much prayer so I respect your decision. You will find out that your biggest hurdle to get over in this is you and the way you view this experience. Parts of it I know were negative but you have to put those behind you and come home with the memory of the good moments..the children, the funny times killing the chicken, the falling in the latrine...let those memories be at the forefront of your mind and push the negative far far back. Like I told you..life will go on..you will love, you will learn, you will laugh, you will cry...life has a way of teaching us so many things. We just have to be an eager student. And you are so good at that. You will be the hardest on yourself...none of us here will ever doubt your decision..you will find that you will be the one that is left with the what if's, etc...DON'T do that to yourself though. You know if it is for you or not and we all respect that..now the hardest part is left to you...you will have to put this behind you and just move forward in life. We love you and pray for you and hope the giardia is gone soon so you can return back to the United States. Once again, I love you and can't wait to see you. Take Care...Love Mom

angelahey
angelahey on

U are still my ambassador to the world
Hey trevor! This is angela heyward from the mountain. Like everyone else said, don't be disappointed in yourself cuz we definetly are not. You made the first steps in accomplishing your goals and thats more than what some of us could say.I'm proud of you and like i told you before I want to be just like you someday-goal-centered,well-rounded, and a good-hearted person. You are one of my role models so stop making it seem like this is the end for you. All of us know that Trevor Ivey will never stop until he reaches the top.

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