Dandelions In Bullet Holes
Trip Start
Mar 20, 2010
1
38
48
Trip End
Sep 14, 2010
Mexico City, Central Mexico and Gulf Coast, Mexico
Thursday, September 2, 2010
When it all comes down to it, I don't want to leave Mexico, but every time I talk to my poppa on a video call and see our house behind him and I think about life in Vancouver, how much money I could save being there for the next 3 months, and the work opportunities I could get there, I feel like it's the most logical decision. Mexico has a lot more for me in terms of fun as I had just moved to Vancouver from Toronto right before I came to Mexico, so I don't know many people. Por eso, I have no choice but to be fully motivated, throw myself into work, I like to think I will find the courage to play at open-mic nights and finally tackle my music, and of course, continue my photography business.
The reason why I had such a heavy feeling in my chest, and thus, went back on my decision to initially leave Mexico, was because I do indeed adore Mexico, my life here. But, it's a good thing to go home crying, it's a great thing that I am leaving a place I love, to go on in life - I will feel this way many more times in my life with the way I live. But to leave crying, does not mean it's a mistake to leave - it's simply my body taking its deeply fond emotions out on my face.
I have worked for entertainment and architecture magazines, an animation company, did personal work, made good money, my heart felt something for someone for the first time in 2 years, met beautiful, fucked-up, boring, fascinating, and fun people here, learned a bit of spanish (which I like to think I'll keep up no matter where in the world I am), and really just really did 'my' thing. What more can I ask for? It's been my plan for some time now to live this way - to be young, free, determined, successful, all while exploring the world, different cultures, different feelings. I must think about the stability of my future and prepare for the trips I want to take in the future which relies mainly on money which is why I need to go back home to work for Canadian dollars on what is truly my turf and kick some ass before I can take off again. I hate to say it as well, but my Great Grandmother, one of my heros, doesn't have much time left and I want to spend some time with her before I leave for who knows how long in starting in January. I think about her so often for someone who barely gets to see her. She lives a 2 hour drive and ferry ride from where I live in Vancouver.
Poppa arrives on Saturday or Sunday, we leave Sunday or Monday to head up to Texas, over to California, up to Vancouver. I am so stoked for vegan restaurants haha.
Thank you to all the friends I have made here - you're love, kindness, support, and ability to show me a great time ;) is forever kept in my heart. Of course I'll be back to visit - Mexico has always had me by the balls.
I need to look at this as not leaving something behind, but going on to something in front of me.
Be grateful you're going home crying,
keep this sadness in your heart
for it is a gift you're taking with you.
Comments
Wow..just finished reading about your journey, your life for the last few months and I don't know whether to fecking cry, laugh or shout at my computer screen at you. You don't know me, I don't know you, I stumbled across this morning at work..Sorry for intruding but I guess you kinda want random people to read it otherwise you wouldn't have blogged the whole past year! I'm in Belfast, Northern Ireland, but I wish I was putting up a road block to stop you going back to Vancouver. Your heart is in Mexico. Follow it.
Amazing the effect a stranger can have - on you and me both. My heart sunk a little when I read this comment of yours. While I do indeed love Mexico, I want to see the world and I can't do that unless I go home to save up some money in order to experience more of the world which I want to do more than staying in Mexico, regardless of how much it means to me. Thank you for speaking up, but I gotta do this for my future and further travels. I can always, always come back. When I make it to Ireland one day (a place I've always wanted to go), we'll grab a beer and argue about this decision! ;)