Let's start at the very beginning..

  Landenberg, Pennsylvania
Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I'm going to be honest.  On March 31, I was completely freaking out.  Like any college senior without tangible plans for future jobs or grad school, I was feeling completely unsure and was overwhelmed by the fact that I needed to not only finish my burdensome requirements (Who knew that the 54-credit English/Theatre and the 35-credit Psychology degrees would get difficult at times?), but also figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  Maybe that's a bit overdramatic, but, regardless, graduation is a daunting thing.  Anyhow, a bit more background information is in order..

I first heard about some particular teaching grants about a year ago, in a mass email from the OIE at Richmond.  Since my term abroad in London, I've received [usually irrelevant and somewhat pesky] notices about "international" events, internships, jobs, etc.  But this email was different - it immediately captured my attention.  After giving basic information about the variety of grants available, it detailed the teaching grants and gave the "example" of Korea.

Before this point, I'd always had a certain curiosity about my birth country (and still do), but I'd never really given any serious thought to returning.  But last year, as I was beginning to think about the infamous SENIOR YEAR and GRADUATION, I gave it some real consideration and realized that learning more about my culture and subsequently discovering more about myself would be hugely valuable, no matter what I would choose to do in the future.  With this in mind, I visited the program's website and eagerly pored over every bit of information that I could find about the grant to Korea.  With every page that I read, my curiosity developed into genuine interest, and I started an application immediately.  Months later, after crafting essays and soliciting help and recommendations (Pretty productive for the summer, right?), I submitted it and launched into the most difficult part of the process: the waiting period.

I didn't want to feel overconfident about my application or to want the grant too badly.  After all, it was a pretty prestigious program..  But, as much as I tried to suppress my hopes, I deeply wanted to receive a grant, because I really felt like it was what I wanted to (and should) be doing with my life at this point.  I couldn't help feeling like I had come across the opportunity by some act of providence - it uncannily corresponded to my personal background, my academic fields and experiences, and even my personal interests.  And I do have to admit that I'm proud of my past accomplishments and that I felt like, to some extent, I truly deserved the grant.  I think this is what made the waiting so difficult.. I guess I felt like it was a perfect fit, and I was impatient for others (particularly the selection committees) to feel the same way.  But, despite this conviction, I still had to wait for what seemed forever (from October 23 to January 31, and from January 31 to March 31, but who's keeping track?) for the notifications that I so strongly desired.

Unbeknownst to anyone but myself, I unofficially set April 1 as my sort of "deadline" for hoping.  I knew that I could receive notification of a grant as late as THIS week, but I didn't want to graduate without some kind of plan, so I told myself that I would begin scouring job search engines and career databases on April 1 if I hadn't received word about a grant.  That week was a tough one.  I think that I reminded myself about 20 times daily that the "competition" was outside of my control and that I needed to be at peace with whatever I was meant to do..  I didn't really want to start looking for other opportunities, because I wanted this one.  But I knew that I needed to be realistic and responsible, so I avoided the temptation to push back my own unofficial deadline.  Maybe this explains why March 31 was such a tense day for me..  It definitely wasn't one of my finest - it was downpouring, I was swamped with work, and I think I had even pulled an all-nighter the night before.  On top of that, I had definitely checked my campus mailbox at least once a day for the previous month or so, and - let me tell you - it's a little disheartening to see an empty mailbox/junk mail that many times when all you want is one special letter.  (How cheesy can I be right now?)  But March 31, the evening before I would have to start my searches, I trudged to the post office in the rain and made myself open my box one last time.. and the letter was there!  I don't think I'll forget how ecstatic I felt at that second.  I rushed outside, beaming, and I stood in the rain calling my family.  Incidentally, my parents were out of town, so I had to keep my happiness to myself for a few hours, but the sheer relief and excitement that I felt were still pretty nice.  I really couldn't believe that I had received the grant, let alone that I had received notification just in time.  I was truly thankful, and I still feel so fortunate and remain amazed at how these events transpired. And for some reason, I feel like I'm going to experience these feelings a few more times this coming year.. Ha.

So that's "the story".  I just graduated from Richmond YESTERDAY (and will probably be in denial for at least a few more weeks..), and I feel extremely blessed.  My life has been a huge gift since my adoption (THANKS, FAMILY!  I LOVE YOU!), and I am so lucky to be returning to my native country and drawing on my education and experiences (just some of the privileges that I've been given..) from my true home country.  It's a completely new, deep way to "give back", and I really can't believe that I can do this NOW.

I'll definitely be updating more this summer as I prepare for my departure.  There's a lot of information to be read and Korean to be learned!  I'm very excited.