My Own Private Crying Game

Trip Start Nov 12, 2005
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Trip End Nov 29, 2005


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Flag of Costa Rica  ,
Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Welcome, my friends, to another peek into the lives of two grown men who should know better, spreading their good will across Central America. At least I THINK it's good.

It has been an intense few days for our heroes, with a lot of travel stress alleviated by Guaro. We took the bus from Fortuna to San Jose with our hotelmate Anka, who could not have been nicer. Anka is 25 and is dealing with cancer. She is very smart and was sad that Saturday was her last night in CR. She helped us out by placing us on a faster more luxurious bus to SJ. Thanks for the help Anka!! I also forgot to give the lovely Carolina my room keys. Estupido!!

JJ and I hopped off the bus, took a 15 minute cab drive to go less than a mile. (fucking taxis) We checked in at our hotel and then went out again to do it up in San Jose. We ate at Mariscar but for some reason they brought us fried chicken instead of the awesome roasted stuff I adore from there. We ate our losses and had a few beers.

We spent the rest of the evening playing pool (I got schooled), playing at the Casino (JJ got schooled), and finding new ways to say "no" to prostitutes (they got schooled). We actually walked back to the hotel, pretty shaky!!!

Now many of you may remember that the last time I was in SJ two years ago, I met this girl named Kala who showed me around the town, got me hella drunk and could not have been cooler. She also told me all of these stories of her life that seemed farfetched but that I could not debunk. What I've only told some of you was that in the last minutes of our time together, she was driving me back from the clubs in her car in daylight. And man, was she hairy. Now to be honest, she was Sicilian, so no real problems. Kala was significantly unattractive, but in the daylight she was downright MANLY. So manly that I felt as if she might be a transgender or transvestite. There were MANY indications that she HAD to be a women, she talked about using tampons, and I met several of her friends who gave no indication of any big secret. In those brief moments before we parted ways, I didn't have the guts to ask her if she was packing a weiner under her dress. Should it have mattered? Probably not, but I couldn't help but feel somewhat deceived by the fact that she may have been a dude. It's not like I was the Irish guy from the Crying Game, we did only have drinks. (well, there was that one body shot, but I didn't smell AXE) Anyhoo, I never asked, and so I never knew, and I told JJ that I had to know when we went back. That I would ask people who worked at the bar she was employed at if she was a dude.

So we walked past that bar and she was STILL working there, she saw me and I felt compelled to enter with my Korean Kompadre. So I talked to her briefly, she completely remembered me and gave me shit about not emailing her and then poured us some Guaro shots. This all happened so fast, JJ did not even realize that this was the person I was talking about. We didn't hang out long, it was a small bar and there were a bunch of old expats around us. She was very friendly, had gained about 20 pounds and still looked manly. But I couldn't tell for sure. Well, before you know it, we ducked out (not before she gave me her cell #). My gut instinct tells me, "It's a MAN, baby!" But I am not 100% on that. And neither was JJ. I got fooled again! I forgot to check for an Adam's apple.

From crossdressing to crosscurrents!!!! Saturday morning, it was off to Turrialba, home of Costa Rica's baddest assed rivers, to spend the day rafting the beautiful Lower Pacuare River. The Pacuare is one of the top ranked rivers in the world due to its access, scenery, world class rapids, and purity. We ate foam on a lowly class 3 but it was some funny shit!! We get stuck in a hydraulic on a 6 foot drop and we're just FULL of water, JJ is in the shit on the upstream side of the raft. I turn to lean my weight on the opposite side to balance us, and when I turned around, JJ was gone! The hole had sucked him out of the raft and then under it. I had a good 2 seconds to wonder where he went, and then the raft tipped and it was MY turn to swim. Not a big problem, except that I eddied into a sticky whirlpool that kept sucking me under. It took my paddle, and then I got released to see the safety yakker going towards JJ, who was heading towards another Class 3. All of this was in a big canyon, so we had NO time to rest before hitting the next set. Our little swimming soiree freaked out the older Jewish woman from Jersey, who stopped paddling from there on in. Call me Adolf, but this chick didn't do squat for the rest of the trip but hang on to the safety strap and complain to her husband. Messed up. But Jew's the boss, right?

At one point on the trip we passed under an old unused railroad bridge where we saw two kids around 8 years old, climbing up the bridge. They then jumped about 50 feet into the river. Crazy. Anna would've had a heart attack had she seen this, folks. They then swam to our raft and actually captained it for a bit.
Pretty cool.

We had an EXCELLENT lunch on the trip (ceviche included!) and got to know our guides Alejandro and Alvaro, who will be taking us down the seldom ran Pasos Marcos section on Tuesday. They have promised, in no uncertain terms, that we will get wet and that the training wheels will be off. I want JJ to cry, and I may get my chance. My Asian Amigo has been consistently getting his assed kicked by the rivers and I realize that he may not be as gungho about all this as I am. I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard to be complacent when I am scant miles from some of the best whitewater in the whole world. I guess this is how he feels about fantasy football, Hmmmmm.. . . Funny, he doesn't PLAY football.

Today, JJ sat out the craziest trip of the 6 that I have planned: The Reventazon-Pascua Section. Class 4+ all the way, baby!!! Resisting the urge to make jokes about being "Made In Korea", I will only say that working out a little before a trip like this goes a long way. But I didn't fly 4000+ miles to sit in the hotel, so bring it!!!

I don't have time to cover everything so this is to be continued. . . There will be more to this tale when we next meet, True Believers! Including but not limited to: Someone will get wet. Someone will get robbed. Someone will get gooched. Someone will get stabbed. Someone will get clean clothes. Someone will get filled out like an application. And someone will decide that Irish music is the work of Satan. (OK we KNOW who THAT is)

See you next week, same bad time, same bad channel.

Peace Love and Sexual Orientation,

TT

JJ swam, in the river, and in my hatorade!!!!
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