THE UGLIEST AMERICAN: Relax. (Won't Do It)

Trip Start Nov 04, 2006

Trip End Dec 03, 2006

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Flag of Guatemala San Pedro De Laguna, Guatemala
Monday, November 27, 2006

Man, this odyssey is rolling towards a close as I finish my last week in these here parts. It�s been a weird two days here on Lago De Atitlan. I hopped a 2 hour late shuttle to Panajachel from Antigua (2 and a half hours). Pana is on the lake and had a restaurant called Guajimbo�s. I ate the pork chops, with bacon as a garnish. MMMMMMM, Puerco. Hopped on a boat across the lake to San Pedro, a small, steep, strung out blur of a town. Many gringos, many of them messed up on various vices. But the atmosphere is chill and the lake, Lago De Atitlan, is incredible. No picture can do it justice, they were right.

San Pedro has been a trippy place so far. In the first seven hours of me being here, I got lost 4 times. The "roads" off the main road are mere pathways, but they are considered streets, and it�s like a maze of corridors and tight squeezes. So I get a bit lost a bit frequently

01 1st lake paddle

. At least going TO my hotel, there are some signs pointing toward a nearby Spanish school. But at night. . .

So far in the last two days I�ve:

Pulled a "you don�t know who I am" stunt with a crackhead tout.

Ate very questionable food more than once.

And procured the 2nd best hotel room of my life, $10 for hot water, lake view (and WHAT a lake), 50 yards from a cool bar, and a jacuzzi, bitches. Still doesn�t beat my $16 ocean front cabin in Thailand with the best restaurant in the world 40 ft. from my door. But count me in on metrics.

This town is full of some characters. I had walked back from town (after getting lost for the 3rd time) and stumbled across The Buddha Bar, which was very close to my hotel, whose name I cannot pronounce for some reason. Had a few Mozas, befriended Vanessa, the Seattlite bartender and her British fiance, Rob or Ron. I also met several people that contributed to many bizarre episodes all at this bar in one night

02 2nd lake paddle at sunrise

. Vanessa and Rob deal with this insanity on a nightly basis. Weird, they actually, no lie, brought me up to date on the "dog politics" in San Pedro of the feral dogs and the "owned" dogs. Vanessa is a former Rollergirl with a taste for Bowie, and Rob-Ron is a DJ (I think like I am a guitarist, though) and an even less fan of Gallo than myself. Cheers to them for making me feel welcome. Um, maybe, TOO welcome.

Other tidbits of the evening was a crazy older local lady who picked up a tourist in less than 2 minutes (no money was involved) and a bunch of zooted up Spaniards arguing over a game of pool. The Mozas ran out, and I started drinking Victorias, because they were the coldest. Whiskey was offered, whiskey was turned down. But. . The evening�s high point was when they played Pavement�s "Rattled By The Rush" as the hookah careened towards me. When in Rome... I guess.

I�m writing this from a hammock. My shoes are easily 15 feet away from me, and I can smell them. That�s not good, is it?. Can�t say enough about Ani DiFranco�s lyrics. She finds the poetry in the uncomfortable spaces between love and loss. Do I have to start wearing a wife beater, now?

I concluded the entertainly disturbing first evening here with a little stroll towards my hotel with Davey, a completely loony Canadian who speaks with an exaggerated, almost Scottish, accent

Purty sunrise

. This dude totally looks like Gandalf in flipflops and was shadowed by the most cartoonish dog I have ever seen, Gypsy. Gypsy, was like a big ass wiener dog shaped beast that had bits of Springer, sheepdog, beagle and lord knows what else. It was the bastard son of a thousand mutts. Davey kinda rebukes it, even disowns it occasionally, but that inbred thing is at his feet 24-7 and I was told that it would follow him to the death. I�ll try to get a picture of this little Frankenpooch so you can dig it. Dig it?

Yesterday, I did nothing but sample local food, lie on my patio, get lost in town, and drink fairly warm beers. It ruled. I ran into Tony from my second trip night in Copan and we caught up over mango curry and a campfire. Cozy as lice. Then I went home and dulled my senses to a level where I could watch the sunset and chill guiltlessly. That was my day.

Today I got up to watch the sunrise over the lake. Killer. Then I went out kayaking on it, very calm at first and then not so calm. I state in the video that I was going to Santiago Atitlan in the kayak. Didn�t make it. That video will be up as soon as I can find a computer that isn�t duct taped together.

They say people get trapped in this town, and I can see why. This probably is the best way for me to unwind after a sometimes stressful series of escapades. Tonight, I�m going to do more of the same. I like the local food so that should be the ticket. Tomorrow, I hope to hike, bike, kayak, or zip line. Or do nothing at all. Wish me luck.

Peace Love and Hell Yes its in the house,

TT

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