7 days at a Buddhist Meditation Course
Trip Start
Oct 20, 1999
1
9
12
Trip End
May 15, 2001
Kathmandu, Nepal
Sunday, June 25, 2000
Lead up to Kopan
So I signed up for this course. It was all about Buddhist meditation, Tibetan Buddhist meditation. The course is actually the reason I stayed an extra month. I had met an American woman who had taken the course at the same place and highly HIGHLY recommended it. We had spent most of a day talking about things Nepalese and when Buddhism came up, the suggestion I do the Kopan course did as well. She had a fire in here I liked. I signed up for the course. Did I mention Kopan is a monastery! It is situated on the top of a hill in the Kathmandu valley, a healthy forty minute walk through the many paddy fields from Bodhanath, one of the biggest and most famous Stupas in the world ...which by the way is a very cool place to hang out as well! Kopan is home to over 300 monks and is very geared to serving Westerners. The founder was a Tibetan monk who in his previous life was actually a woman who wanted to teach Buddhism to the West. Yes the reincarnation thing is a little freaky, but surprisingly workable once I heard it from the Buddhist perspective. Anyhow. Through the efforts of this Tibetan Lama, who has since been reborn as a Spanish boy, there are Tibetan Buddhism Centres all over Europe and North America. Many of these centres were founded by folks inspired by the Kopan course. Mine was not the famous one month course in November, but only a week. Still the course participants included folks from all over the world who actually flew in specifically for this course.And to think I just stumbled onto it?! What is all the fuss about? Why bothertravelling half way around the world for a meditation course? I was about to find out! Apparently the appeal of this course is that it brings Tibetan Buddhism to life. It explains in detail some of the freakier concepts in a way that Westerners can grasp and even offers training and techniques of Buddhist meditation. This all taug by an apparently extremely articulate Swedish nun, in amongst the 300+ practicing monks.
My father had given me a book before I left Canada, it was called 'Buddhism Plain and Simple. That's where all this really started. Reading this book was kind of a revelation to me. I had been wanting to 'look inside' for some time now but hadn't, due to my perceived lack of method to do so. Every spiritual method seemed to involve God and required that I surrender my soul to him. Something that frankly scared the shit out of me! The social-scientific choice of psycho-analysis etc. held the negative connotation to me as stigmatizing. ...a person needed to be a freak to receive treatment. At the time I didn't want to be labelled as a freak! Buddhism seemed to be somewhere in the middle. A kind of spiritual psychology, where I could analyze my own mind. I became intrigued and quite by coincidence, my travels took me to the very heart of Buddhism ...India and Nepal.
It seemed that the closer I got to India, the more I was exposed to spiritually minded people. I would receive from each of these folks ...little nuggets of knowledge that would expand my knowledge and curiosity of spirituality that my exposure to the religions of South East Asia had opened me up to. So my travels through India and Nepal had a Buddhist sub-theme and my curiosity only grew. After my failed Vipassana experience in Bodhgaya and after all the chats and reads, I knew there was another course in my future. What I didn't know was what Nepal would have in store for me. It was a complete surprise the Buddhist influence in Nepal ...Huge! The depth of which and extent of which convinced me to do a course here. For a country of 90% Hindu influence and me picking up only on the Buddhism, I think says something. Time on my visa was almost done and I mourned that I hadn't taken advantage of what Nepal had to offer in allowing me to inexpensively and exhaustively explore Buddhism so close to its source.
Screw it! I abandon my plan of returning to India and instead renewed my Nepal visa for another month. Yipee! I'm going to Kopan in two weeks!
In the days leading up to the course I would read books, visit monasteries and talk to my firends at Himalayan Buddhist Meditation Centre ...go to the odd meditation and see a Buddhist video. Two days before teh course, I was completely Buddha'd out! I was up to my ying yang in it. Dharma this, Samsara that. Step on an ant and rot in the hell realm! It was all just way too much. I boomeranged away from it, taking a break from all the Dharma saturation and in doing so I almost considered not taking the course. I did take the course though! And below is an account straight from my journal of my time at Kopan Monastery:
Hmmm Enlightenment ...Samsara. What to do?
Two minutes to June the 13th, 2000 Journal Entry
It would seem that my fears of starting something spiritual and then not having the guidance does result in some kind of a void or slide. As it is, I am losing my resolve even to do the course. I'm feeling quite stifled and drawn by desires such as movies etc. I like the ideals of Buddhism, but really ...how practical are they?
Do I receive teachings over the net? Do I feel like shit every time I slap a mosquito? So far, I'm getting the feel of something too formalized ...Christianity without the salvation. Swami-Ji? I can fully appreciate the debilitation desires have on my life. But I need to feel, in my heart, that what Buddhism offers is better. At this point I'm not so sure. Maybe with full exposure to one of the masters, then maybe perhaps. But if a master is necessary to reach enlightenment, then maybe being stuck in samsara is a pretty close 2nd? As apposed to a nether world between samsara and enlightenment. Having or being compassionate to all living things is extremely noble, but damn boring to meditate on EVERY night!! I have so many questions that need answers, who will answer once I'm out of the Buddha zone?
Awesome Meditation Experience!
June 20th, 2000 2nd Day of Kopan Course
I'm thinking of doing the entire thing in silence, didn't happen today though! Something interesting did. We were doing a visualization meditation today and Ani Karin got us to visualize our father on the right of us and our mother on the left of us. I've had trouble with this visualizing Chenrezig but when I tried it with mom and dad ...wow! I could literally feel their very real presence. But not only were they blissfully happy...they were sending the same feelings back to me...it was extremely powerful. It was like how I remember feeling when I was a kid and I had that sense of security of two loving parents that I totally took for granted and paid dearly for when things went completely nuts. I felt that again today and it was awesome...I had to fight back the tears.
I also visualized friends and family sitting behind me. No matter who I imagined, they too were blissfully happy and sending me waves of love. So much that even though it was just a visualization, I could feel their very real presence, again as if ther were actually sitting there. I in return felt nothing but compassion for everyone. I wanted them all to feel in their real life exactly as I was feeling they felt right then. I 'got' the compassion thing! What an incredible wonderful feeling. The res of the course? Or day? The teachings are good. just what I was hoping for , although most question and answer sessions are just frustrating as questions aren't really answered. Lunch time was marked by a lot of judgment in very unBuddhist like discourse, but ashamedly something I enjoyed. IT was at the expense of a very angry, confrontational America who was in another group. Seems I have a way to go!
The Big Book of Karma
June 22nd, 2010 Journal Entry
...Discussed Karma today, a concept I'm getting my head around but I still have some burning questions. Such as who's to say what's good karma and what's bad Karma? Is there a big book of karma out there somewhere? Also about all those sentient beings out there whose suffering I would like to end ...what if miraculously all their suffering did end? What would that do to the circle of life? So isn't it an unrealistic thing to hope for? And what about emptiness? Every time I get my head around it, my ego snaps me back to 'reality' and says I'm here and I'm real! Don't even think there's no self!"
What's a Dharma baby to do? And on the question of an update... Whew, won't that be interesting! How do I explain this stuff? How can I put it into context, without scaring the shit out of everyone who will think I'm now the Brando character in Apocalypse Now! Should be a good one! May send it just for the shock value. A seven day course seems to be creating way more questions than answers!
Dharma Like a Drug
June 25th, 2010 Journal Entry
One more full day of the Kopan course and although it remains to be seen whether or not it's life changing, I can definitely say it has been a worthwhile experience. I seem to fit like a glove in this environment ....gives me a HUGE feeling of peace of mind. Ani Karin's lectures are like a drug ...a deficiency that I've been lacking for years and know I'm just lapping it up hungrily.
What do I take away from this course? Definitely a better understanding of what Tibetan Buddhism is all about...and a sneaking suspicion that I will get on the path. It seems too right not to give it a shot. The monks and nuns I've met are among the sincerest people I've ever met. I can definitely get too much of the old Dharma talk but for when I do, I can always go outside for a while.
Cool People from the Course
After the Course Journal Entry:
I got to know some of the participants quite well. Anne-Marie and Marjika from Melbourne, Australia in particular. They came seperately but roomed together. I was to spend a majority of my time with them and though regretting the time I didn't spend alone...enjoyed their company. Also my roommate Malcome, who was actually from Calgary as well! He was only 20 but had remarkable insight. Something I certainly lacked at his age as I was busy grasping at all things external! Others of note. Hunter, 47. A rock n' Roll singer from Nashvill, Bjorn from Sweden, Christina a cutey 24 year old Czech from Australia; Jackie and Jessica, two Americans who were to bike back to Kathmandu from Lhasa; Mike a Brit who I would later room with and hangout with in Kathmandu. Dave a young guy from Ecuador who's parents worked with NGO and who had an interesting perspective on life. Deborah a woman from New Jersey who had wild dread hair and a great attitude. Some travellers, some taking time out just for this course. Interesting blend of people! There was Gill - an angry American who I couldn't figure out why he was there. Vicky from Australia, who was living in an Ashram and studying Chinese medicine - beautiful but knowing it and moved about the place as if the place revolved around her. Simon from New Zealand ...decided to come the day before teh course started ...on a whim. Two guys from Singapore who spouted rhetoric from their 'Pure Land' Buddhist sect like they were ministers ...scary. A really nice young couple from Denmark who had sent sponsorship money. Another couple from Boston ...young and visibly disinterested. Yet another couple from Canada, the girl had just lost her mother and seemed very devote. The guy from Cape Cod who was heavily involved in the Tibetan Exile movement and the Tibetan Dhundrop from Bodha who knew nothing about meditation ...ironic that he would learn about it from a Swedish Buddhist nun!
What was Kopan to me?
Kopan was a serene place set on a hill, monks young and old learning the Dharma. Together but seperate from us Westerners. Us Westerners? A wild assortment of different personalities from all over the world. As varied reasons for being here as there are snowflakes. Few seemed to be at the stage of commitment to taking refuge as seen by the piss up after teh course! IInteresting bunch. There were the lectures where Ani Karinwould flow her knowledge onto us in perfect comprehensibility - not missing an opportunity to slag our Western lifestyle. There was Tashi - the emphatic monk who entertained us with his enthusiasm, though his disorganized lectures and broken english left everyone confused. Although his slagging of the West was all too clear! There were the meditation sessions where I would sit in pain ...giving up on getting anything out of it because ....I was sitting in pain! Focus non-existant. Distractions ruled the day. I was most disappointed with this part of it. I enjoyed the lectures and the socialness of the people in the course. PErhaps if I would have observed silence the entire time, the meditation would have been better? Opportunity lost? Well I'm not meditating now ...so perhaps!
Kopan was a lesson in itselfabout my own nature. In a Buddhist environment, learning compassion for all living things ...I was not above projecting personalities on people just by observing them, developing dislikes for people based on nothing more than appearances and perceiving how they think of me. It was indeed a powerful lesson. If I do this again, it will be in complete silence! What else was Kopan? Kopan was the bringing home that enlightenment is not something that can be accomplished in a couple of years with ease of knocking off a couple of hard sought after goals. No, it is a something that -although should be strived for -may not even happen in this lifetime. Becoming Buddhist is also something -though I consiedered it -may not be practical. What's presented to the Western mind in my view does not address all the complexities of where we've come to be living in our complex modern society.
So far the Buddhism I've been exposed to seems far too idealistic, simplistic and elitist to be applicable to someone like myself. I get caught up in all the dharma talk and seduced by the allure of a simple life and striving for enlightenment. But then my world of ever present temptations grabs me and the complexity and time-hungry study necessary to come close to enlightenment put me off wanting to go there. I've yet to read a consice straight forward, practical explanation for what it's all about. What I've been fed so far seems to rely too heavily on a mysticism for me to take it all seriously. It is my impression that a person would have to be a monk from birth to understand the complexities involved in Mahayana Buddhism. This is not to say I'm writing it off, no! I will persist until I discover what it is that the Tibetan folks find so compelling about Buddhism. There sems to be an in ordinate amount of cute chicks interested in Buddhism, so there is no doubt I will stick with it to some degree! It disappoints me that any form of reprieve is seeming further awa and along way off, thanks to my inability to choose, but then again maybe it'e best to reserve judgemtn in a matter such as this?
Yes Kopan was an eye opener! And had the reverse effect of creating more questions than it answered which will effectively draw me in or push me away. It would be nice to know what a person such as myself can gain from becoming a Buddhist. I am not monk material but delving into Buddhism appeals to me. What or where do Tibetan Buddhist lay people get their inspiration? I see themat the Gompa's paying respects but there is no 'church' service. Kopan was geared to Westerners -but what about the lay people? Where to theyy learn Buddhsim? Or do they? Do they just follow the lead of the monks and say their Om Mani's in hopes for enlightenment> Hmmm. I shall have to find out. To be continued!!
