In good news, I hear it cures skin diseases....
Trip Start Nov 19, 2010
20Trip End Dec 19, 2010
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Where I stayed
Lanta Nice Beach Resort Ko Lanta
Read my review - 1/5 stars
Read my review - 1/5 stars
Now, more stories of retardation:
So after a late start yesterday, Parin and I wandered around Patong for a few hours
After much dilly dallying, we finally got our asses in gear and headed out to find food. We ended up taking this major detour as one of the roads was washed out (yes, still raining at this point) and stumbled across a nice restaurant and grabbed a bite to eat. After that we wandered down to the beach area because I was fixated on having a crepe with nutella and banana. For the record, it was totally worth it. Best part of the food experience yesterday, hands down.
And then, we went in search of ladyboys. Now, let me be clear, there is no searching involved in this quest when in Patong
People, I was in my element.
Everywhere I looked there was a feast for my eyes. Beautiful ladyboys that looked better than real ladies, old fat ones that barely passed for female-esque, half ladyboys that were kinda rocking a man vibe...it was amazing in every way. I was flashed by 5 or 6 ladyboys (I lost count but for the record, if I ever decide to get breast implants I’m getting them in Thailand) and saw more ladyboy vagina than I ever thought possible- I can say, having seen it myself, that many of the ladyboys have had the surgery and now have a "vagina". Also, they are all rocking a Brazilian. Just putting it out there.
We literally sat in silence the entire time we were there because I was so mesmerized by my surroundings. The only time we spoke was the few times I pointed out a specific ladyboy to Parin due to her incomparable beauty and he responded with “that just isn’t fair”.
Eventually our night had to end since we were leaving at 8 am this morning for Ko Lanta- a smaller less touristy island not too far from Phuket
Or so we thought...
At 7:15 this morning we get a phone call from the front desk asking where we are since our pickup to take us to the ferry is at the hotel. I tell her that on our sheet it clearly says 8 am. She puts me on with the driver who is busy yelling something at me so I make my way down as Parin is showering since I had been ready to go for at least 10 minutes at that point. I show the driver my paper, the kind receptionist confirms what it says, the driver calls someone and yells, the receptionist calls the company and puts me on the phone with some lady who is telling me something over and over again except I can’t understand anything besides the “okay?” at the end. Um, no, not okay. WTF is okay?
Eventually, I get that the driver can only wait 10 minutes as the boat leaves at 8:30 and that she can put us on a bus instead if we are later than that. Now, it’s important to note that the boat we were supposed to take would get us to Lanta in 2 hours. The bus? Takes 6.
I run upstairs and let Parin know but we still miss the boat. Instead, we leave for Lanta on a 9:30 bus that is not designed for people my height, is packed with Thais and is driven by the most obnoxious driver in the history of time. Seriously, this asshole was trying to prove something to someone. In good news, he proved he’s a moron to us. It was so bad, not only his driving skills, but his blasting shit music (in the end intentionally to piss us off) that the lovely woman sitting next to me apologized for his behaviour repeatedly
It was officially the longest 6 hours of my life. During the trip, we stopped at 2 bus stations and I, of course, had to pee. Let me just say, that as of today I have officially experienced the two worst toilets I could possibly imagine. Not only were they squat toilets (which are actually my nightmare- I can’t imagine a more uncomfortable position to stay in for any length of time and tip my hat to the Vietnamese who squat for very long periods of time because it is allegedly comfortable) but they were old, smelly, disgusting, non-flushing squat toilets that were basically a glorified hole in the ground. Never have I wished more for one of those inhaler things the Asians appear addicted to using in my life. I honestly would have slathered an entire jar of tiger balm under my nose if it would have made me unable to smell that stench.
So in the second toilet, fully (mostly) prepared for what I am about to experience, I go in armed with my Kleenex and travel soap ready to pee and run as fast as humanly possible. In my mind the plan goes: squat, pee, wipe, throw tissue in garbage, dip pail in bucket of water and toss in “toilet”, exit “stall”, wash hands and run outside flapping arms around to help hands dry before sanitizing myself elbow to fingertips. However, I hit a slight snag in my plan.
The toilets are angled in a weird way which I have never seen before. But no big deal, right? Uh huh.
I start to do my business when lo and behold; I realize that the angle that this toilet creates has resulted in pee going on one of my toes
Anyway, eventually we arrived in Lanta, which is a beautiful island. Unfortunately, we are staying at a pretty gross resort. Parin crashed out really early again after doing some work so I went wandering around a bit and ate dinner at a restaurant on the beach. It really is quite lovely here. I have hung out with a few very interesting lizards tonight, nearly had a heart attack courtesy of an unexpected frog and pet the sweetest most playful cat I have seen in quite a while. I’m turning into a hippie.
I do have to say that as much as I was looking forward to having some company for this part of the trip, I’m not actually enjoying it as much as I thought I would
Anyway, I’m not sure what it is that’s going on but maybe it’s just that our style of travelling doesn’t match
We are apparently going to have more rain the next few days so we will see what we get up to. It looks as though I will be getting rain in Samui when I am there this weekend as well, so I’m actually thinking of leaving early and going to sit on a sunny beach in Hua Hin for a day next week. It totally wrecks the whole timing and makes me rush around more, but it might be a good thing to do. Unless of course it’s sunny in Samui and then I am just staying there.
Pray to whatever/whomever/however you believe in that I get some sun please.
My Review Of The Place I Stayed