Characters You DON'T Want to Meet at Disney Paris
Trip Start Apr 19, 2010
14Trip End Sep 01, 2012
Map your own trip!
Show trip route
There are lots of wonderful characters at Disney....Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy and a whole host of others. In fact the place is pretty jam packed with characters. Unfortunately, Disneyland also seems to attract other, less genial, types of characters. These are the characters that ordinary people can turn into when finding themselves at "the Happiest Place on Earth". So take a look at the list, and hopefully you won't see yourself. If you do, consider yourself duly warned.
9) The Sex Kitten: It's your business whether you choose to dress like a 50's throwback, the whore of Babylon or a transvestite. Really, it's your choice and / or your problem....until you make it someone else's problem. Wearing any clothing item that keeps you from walking, turning or doing any other sort of normal body movement starts to make your fashion choice a problem for everyone around you. Bottlenecks should not form because you chose to wear four inch stilettos to a theme park. Nor do you have a right to glare at people who are passing you as you hobble along. Actually, if you wear four inch stilettos to Disneyland, you righteously deserve to end up flat on your ass. And, as that body part is probably the closest thing you have to a brain, maybe it will knock some sense into you. The problem is that you are likely to take innocent bystanders down with you. So, don't expect others to swerve out of your way simply because you can't turn around in your pumps without twisting your ankle.
8) The Nature Child: Often raised by parents who shun real parenting in favor of a Rousseau-ian "noble savage" attitude toward childhood. News flash folks; even Rousseau changed his mind on that whole "noble savage" thing. This caused him to write the "Social Contract"....which you probably need to read if you are one of the above mentioned parents. At any rate, the nature child is the kid who cuts in line, pushes other kids out of the way, climbs on structures that are not meant to be climbed on and then falls on unsuspecting victims. Generally they behave like brats. OK, all kids do some of these things from time to time. It's a kid thing. But it is the JOB of parents to reign that in and teach children to be able to survive and thrive in a society. Disneyland is microcosm of the world. It attracts people from all cultures, backgrounds, races and socioeconomic levels. As such, it is a place where said cultures can easily clash if everyone is not playing by the same rules and on their best behavior. And it is for this reason that Disney does a pretty decent job of setting up clear cut rules. Announcements are made in multiple languages. Signs are easy to follow even without language. The lines for rides are clearly delineated. And so on, and so on ad infinitum. So, the family who lets their 8 year old vault over the barricades in order to push their way to the front of the "It's a small world" ride without imposing a serious discipline moment is teaching that child that it is OK to ignore the rules of a given society. This is a hard lesson to undo. Children like this may be simply irritating now, but they are likely to end up troubled and outcast. And I feel sorry for them...after I have left the park. While at the park, I have to restrain myself from smacking them (and their parents) with a dirty diaper.
6) The Theme Park Commando: This is what happens when control freaks go to Disneyland. This is the "we have exactly 8 hours and 52 minutes at Disneyland to accomplish everything we want to do" crowd. They have limited time at the Mouse and so they have mapped out their agenda with all the precision of a military coup. The problem is that kids are not usually willing participants in a military coup. So no matter how perfectly you map things out, it's not going to work out the way you planned. It's just not. What makes this group annoying is not simply the fact that have over planned, because that's their problem. The problem is that inevitably the adults in the party melt down when one of the kids breaks ranks. When this happens, I have seen parents at their very very worst. Of course, I have seen the parents screaming at their kids. But I have also seen a Dad throw his kids food at him, and a Mom who tossed a beloved Mickey Doll in the nearest trashcan. Like I said, parents at their worst. This means that the rest of us are forced to watch you.....at your very worst. Which then put us in the uncomfortable predicament of trying to decide whether or not we should call a Cast Member. Or Social Services. Or both.
5) The Misanthrope: After 8 or 10 hours at Disneyland, even the most die hard "people" people start becoming misanthropic. Misanthropes become murderous. If your spouse is misanthropic, don't force him or her to go to Disney. This is reasonable grounds for divorce. And if one of these folks gets behind the wheels of a stroller, God help us all.
4) The Rogue Missile: These are the people you tend to find standing right in the middle of any thoroughfare, map in hand, annoyed expression on face. OK, most people need to refer to the map now and again, but not for 10 minutes smack in the middle of Main Street U.S.A. Most people also pay at least a modicum of attention to where they are...but not these folks. The best of them are simply befuddled and clueless to their environment. The worst ones seem to think that their inability to navigate themselves is everyone else's fault but their own. After they pull their noses out of whatever they are looking at, they will move quickly in the direction most likely to inconvenience the optimal number of people. They step on kids, run into strollers and stumble over people who are waiting in lines. They rarely, if ever, excuse themselves or exhibit manners of any sort. And don't be surprised if they explode at you after they have knocked you over. But they will likely be off and at another target before you can get your wind back to respond.
3) The Momzilla:
2) The "Arrested in Development" : These are the otherwise normal adults who come to Disney.... without the kids. They wear the Mouse ears. They pose with all the characters. They eat at the character meals. OK, these things in and of themselves are fine and even somewhat cute in moderation. I will prove that in a later post when I describe how to have a date night at Disney. But when it results in preventing the actual children in the park from having fun, there is a problem. If you have ever been to any Disney, you have seen this person. He or she will hog characters time, even if it means that a pack of preschoolers will lose their opportunity to see Mickey. Or they will literally push their way through toddlers to sit near the front at Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Live on Stage. I have one word for these people...therapy. Go get some. Note to Disney: Any mother who's toddler gets knocked over by one of these people should be given an immediate FastPass allowing her to punch the offender in the face multiple times.
1) The Entitled: