Trip Start Sep 09, 2004
394Trip End Ongoing
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Where I stayed
My place, Rawai, Phuket
Let me make something very clear. I'm not one of those people who gets down about life and gets all whiny and victim-y and talks about suicide. I actually have no time for those people. Rest assured. Now if I've mentioned suicide before it has been a light-hearted comment to reflect a better option than to go through all of this excruciating pain. I absolutely love my life. I wouldn't change it for the world, and have got every reason to continue living it. And I will. As for my health, no it's not improving, and it MAY NOT get better, however much you or anyone says it will. I understand they're positive words of encouragement and I'm genuinely grateful for your concern. I would do exactly the same in your situation. But the fact is it might just not improve. And that's fine too. If I have to live with it I'll live with it, I certainly won't be bitching and moaning about it.
As for someone else in 'the profession' taking another look, forget it. I have totally lost faith in them. They're talkers. And money-takers. I haven't found a useful 'expert' in the four and a half years I've been on the road. And I've seen a lot of them. Not one single diagnosis in four and a half years, just a bill. Well bollocks to them. That said, I will be continuing with the alternative medicine which has been the only thing that has had any kind of positive affect on me. Funny actually, how this medicine - the thing that has actually worked - has also been completely FREE.
I may sound negative P, but believe me I'm not. The sentiment behind my words is simply a strong one, one from self-sovereignty and an undeniable will of survival - the very opposite of suicidal. I'm actually fighting the negative influences, which are the very things people are telling me to walk towards, which is why I'm saying not on your Nelly.
I genuinely value your concern P, and will definitely be there to hug the living daylights out of you when you get to South East Asia, just don't squeeze to hard ok?
(..and THE HUGEST THANKS.. to everyone who's filled my inbox with concern, support and encouragement over the last few months..)