The Way Home
Trip Start
Jan 29, 2009
1
14
Trip End
Feb 22, 2009
Scunthorpe, England, United Kingdom
Monday, February 23, 2009
It's amazing how quickly a mood of sedantry calm can transform into one of mad panic. And this is what happened to me. I ran back to the hotel and woke Tom up. He answered his dor in a half-daze, wearing only boxers and resembling a bright red caveman. But he agreed to come to the jetty and see me off.
We made it with two minutes to spare, but running through the streets of Caye Caulker at 30 degrees with a heavy back pack is not recommended. Tom and I considered an emotional hug to see each other off, but it would have been frowned upon in these parts - besides it would have been accompanied by a dual scream in pain because of the sunburn on our chests. Instead we settled on a firm, manly handshake to say goodbye. The moment was somewhat ruined by a dog on a lead choosing that moment to burst through Tom's legs and jump up at a passenger that it recognised. The resultant wedie made Tom look very uncomfortable.
The boat ride to Belize Cirt was not one to be endured after a hearty breakfast. In fact, my hearty breakfast was almost the next meal that I saw that day. But I made it, and staggered onto the shoe at Belize City dock.
We hadn't had ay time to look round Belize City when we passed through it before, but my early boat had left me with a couple of hours to kill before my bus to Flores. So I decided to look round the city. The guidebook reckons that there's quite a few things to see in Belize City. But the guidebook is wrong. Beize City used to be a haven for pirates to rob passing Spanish Galleons from. The pirates are still here, but these days they pass their time pestering you to buy knock off CDs and DVDs. I found a quiet place to read the only book that I' brougt with me - Richard Dawkins' "The Selfish Gene". It's a good book, but not one for you if you are religious and easily offended. Mind you, if you are easily offended you won't be reading this blog.
On my way back to Flores, I encountered creatures that I hadn't come across yet on this trip: French people. These ones were the living embodiment of "The Selfish Gene". Despite being friends, they each took up a double seat on the bus and refused to move, even when the bus was full. Maybe they needed the space because they smelled so bad. They were French, after all. Anyway, it meant that some people had to sit on the floor, which wasn't really fair.
I had an uneventful night in Flores, apart from the first rain that I'd encountered in Central America. It was very heavy, but very short-lived, and the temperature didn't drop, so it wasn't all that unpleasant. I finished my book on the dreary eight hour bus ride back from Flores to Guatemala City. This is no mean feat considering that they were blaring out "The Incredible Hulk" in Spanish all the while. Which is the same film that they played me on the first bus from Guatemala City to Flores, and from Flores to Belize City and from Belize City to Flores. I reckon that I could recite most of the film in Spanish now. The funny thing about the dubbing is that the don't just dub the words; they dub the bits where the Hulk roars. And the dubbed roars clearly don't fit the screenplay.
When I got to Guatemala City, I was confronted with a horde of helpful taxi drivers, all keen to take me to my hotel. I picked one and he loaded up my stuff and started to drive me to the hotel. Then he stopped, turned round and spouted something at me in Spanish. I looked at him blankly. He made some hand gestures which I read to mean that he didn't know where the hotel was. I didn't know where the hotel was either so I repeated his hand gestures back to him. He looked at me blankly. We were getting nowhere. Eventually he decided to ring a mate. We did get there in the end, but it took ages and I'm sure he overcharged me.
The thing about being on holiday with Tom is that he's a bit slow and because of this, you do tend to cut things like catching aeroplanes a bit fine. So on Saturday morning, being on my own, I reacted to this by getting to the airport 5 hours early. Gutemala City airport is boring. I'd finished my book, so I thought I'd find a newspaper or magazine at the airport to read. But the selection on sale was severely limited. Evetually I settled on the clearly unhealthy "Womens' Health" magazine while drinking endless cups of coffee. It made the flight a very disturbed affair for me and my neighbours.
The most amusing aspect of the five hour wait in Guatemala City airport was the amazing farting chais at the gate. Watching the disgusted looks on the faces of American women as their husbands sat down gave m endless enjoyment. Nearly as much as "Womens' Health".
On arrival at New York airport, I saw one of the funniest sights I've ever witnessed. Do you ever see other people do something and think: "I wish I'd thought of that." This happened to me as I was walking next to the moving walkway in Newark airport. Someone hit the emergency stop button. Cue a row of Americans topple like a set of dominos. Brilliant.
American airports are amazingly stressful. Maybe this is why they have all recently had defibrillators fitted. Every time I go through one, I vow never to transit through America again. But I always do transit through America again. Maybe it's because I like burgers so much.
There is a new 'pre-security' check before the real security check before boarding a flight. This involves a series of questions about why you have come to America. God only knows why people come to America. I only came to transit. At my pre-security check, they marked my boarding pass with a "U". What could this mean. Could it mean "upgrade"?
It didn't mean upgrade It meant full body search. Again. After the travelling last year I'm almost starting to enjoy them. The rest of the journey back home was fairly uneventful. Heathrow lied up to its usual standards for processing arrivals into the UK. Which meant tht I missed the last train to Lincolnshire and had a "bonus" night in the "Luxury Russell Hotel" (don't stay there unless you like cockroaches) before heading to Lincolnshire this morning. Back to farming - can't wait!
