Babe - Pig in the city...!

Trip Start Aug 01, 2008
Trip End Nov 01, 2008

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Flag of Vietnam  ,
Sunday, September 14, 2008

Your all to stop sniggering and thiking "true true" after reading the title!  I refer of course to the fact that HaNoi is a sh1thole.  Honestly, to anyone who has not had the "pleasure" of being here - think Moore Street and multiply it by 1,000,000. 
The flight from Luang Prabang was fine, it a little hairy at times.  Honestly, i think that we may have flown upside down for half of it.  I tried to concentrate on not barfing and avoiding looking out the window!  I was sitting with a couple from Australia, who were lovely!  I had bumped into them a couple of times in LP so we were old buddies by the time the flight landed.  However, i hopped into a taxi in the airport as opposed to them (they were posh and had a driver waiting for them in the airport!!).  The taxi was were it first should have been a sign to me and i should have known.  You see, what you have to remember is that i had come from a UNESCO village in North Laos where cars, trucks and lorries are not allowed and everyone is happy out - and landed directly in Hell!  Sitting i the back of the taxi was my 1st (but not last) near death experience.  The journey took 30 minutes and im not eggerating when i tell you that the Driver spent longer with his hand on the horn (of his car!) then not.  But what i was to learn is that this the norm.....No one prepared me for this madness.  I thought that i had died and was reincarnated as an Indie car driver....they swerve from one side of the road to another regardless of what is in the way and the general rule is if its bigger then you - move!  So there i was dumb struck in the back of the taxi, trying to remember all the best bits about Dano and our life so that i would go to heaven with good thoughts and on the car stereo was playing "Jambalay, Cod Fish Pie, Me oh My Oh...son of a gun were goin have some fun on the bayou...."  At this point in time all the Drivers, Poffs and Haughtons are remembering Chris Murrays (The Tara Vale) in the 70's....and so was i! I didnt want my last thought to be of the Friday nights spent in the Tara Vale, in the 70's!  But thankfully we made it to my place of residence....I would have said hotel, but honestly thats being too generous.  I actually thought that the Driver was taking the p1ss when we pulled up - but no, there it was in all its technicolour glory "The Princes II Hotel".  My room is about the size of 2 average TC bunk rooms together, with no window!  However the lack of window is about all it had in its favour, as to look out on the street where i was staying i may have been encouraged to end it all there and then! 
Eh, Why did no one warn me about the traffic in Hanoi?  Surely you all know of my lack of skills when it comes to crossing the road....!  YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE TRAFFIC HERE!  And if i thought Thailand was bad with its lack of "Rules of the road"  they arent even in runner up position!  I cant do it justice by describing it....suffice to say i just run accross the road screaming loudly as its the job of the Cyclos/Mopeds/Cars to avoid you!  You see, my problem is hesitation....apparently you gotta just commit, and go!  But i cant do that.  So the next best thing is to close your eyes and run!  I will say though, if you are ever unfortunate eough to be stuck in Hanoi you cant beat Minh's Jazz Club.  Its only a couple of blocks down from my hotel and its groovey!  Now i hate jazz......but there is something funky about this place.  (But do bring your own toilet paper, or better still bring a cork!).
So last Friday i decided to head to DaNang.  (Da nang me da nang me why don't they take a rope and hang me? - Quote from some old 80's Vietman film apparently!) .  The flight only cost me $55 so figured if it was sh1te I could head back to Laos on be honest i dont think that my body could have put up with any more bed bug bites from the "Princess II Hotel".  I think that they were running a comp with the mozzies....not sure yet who won!  Mind you the tiger balm which i am covered in does mask the other smells in Han Oi!  So theres a positive! 
When i got to the airport in Han Oi and checked my emails i found that the hotel i had booked into didnt have room, but knew id find something in the town if i just got there...While i was checking in i spotted that the 2 people beside me were brandishing Irish Passports.  Now i know that this is sad - and there is no other time in my life when i would do this....but i hadnt spoken to an irish person in weeks.  So i went up and said Hi, im Irish too please talk to me!  Thankfully they turned out to be really nice and we had a laugh on the way down.  When we arrived in Da Nang they told me that they heard it was sh1te and were planning on going straight to Han Oi (small village/town to tthe south of Da Nang, Not to be confused with Hoi An the sh1thole from the start of this that is where i have ended up.  I am now in Hoi An, and its lovely!  This weekend is the Full Moon Festival so i was lucky to get a room fact Aideen and Eoin may not agree with the lucky bit as its at their hotel and i bet they are now regretting meeting up with that mad stalker in the airport (wait till the see me in their local Tescos..!)
So will i miss the belching and hawking up of the lungs of those in Han Oi?  Eh, dont think so!  I'll blog more from Hoi An shortly and hope you are all keeping well!  Still missing you all....Yes you all, this time(specially you little Dano!).
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caronmci on

ex in the city
hey sal..well i'm not envying u any more eewww..sounds a bit minging!! guess u gotta experience the really rotten to appreciate the good stuff..gotta say I'm relieved ur in a better place now..don't even wanna think about u crossing those roads..yikes!
well i was in bruxelles last nite..haven't done that in about 11 years.. crazy stuff,everyone looked about 12..pretty damn sure i saw don from cork! random or what..didn't get to say hi tho..the 'date' got a bit huffy!

andypandy1 on

Han oi Han An Oi Han...
Jeez, I have to say by the end of that blog I'm a bit confused with the han oi's and oi han's but glad that you've gone from horrible place to nice whatever they're called. If you want to know anything about crossing the road I happen to know that Pat has a copy of the Green Cross Code downloaded from Utube so get on to him. Not much news from here. Well, may a little actually. I'll email you...

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