There's Something About Mary: The Aftermath
Trip Start
Aug 23, 2007
1
33
Trip End
Sep 23, 2007
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Monday, September 24, 2007
The plan was to gather everybody at dinner, quickly tell them the truth, and then run away before getting killed. Originally, the reveal was to be done as another big joke. This is what we had envisioned:
Pat: "Man, those Latvian women were SOOO hot!!", spoken in a rather casual manner.
Mary: "Well, you MUST have thought so - you couldn't stop checking them out!!!", in an irritated manner.
Pat: "Hey, it's alright - look but don't touch, right?", slightly defensively.
Mary: "What about going to the strip clubs every night and leaving me by myself back at the hotel?", angrily.
Pat: "Well, what's a guy supposed to do for fun? You never wanted to go out!!!", even more angrily.
Mary: "You know ... you treat this marriage like it's one big joke!", at the top of her lungs.
Pat: "Well do you know why? Because it IS a big joke!"
Ahhh .... this could've been hilarious. But we realized it would've been going too far, so we simply sat down at dinner and I sheepishly said "So, you're all probably wondering exactly what happened. It all started a few months ago when I asked Mary 'What if we PRETENDED to get married ...."
The looks on everybody's faces were priceless and made for, without a doubt, THE most uncomfortable silence I have ever experienced in my life! You could see that everybody didn't know what to make of the comment. Even when I said "It was all a joke. We're not really married.", it didn't seem to register in anybody's minds.
Immediately following THE most uncomfortable silence I have EVER experienced in my life, were THE most uncomfortable 15 minutes I have EVER experienced in my life. I tried answering the questions ... all while making eye contact with everybody. I don't think I have ever gotten that many "evil eyes" at the same time before. It was brutal - I think Justin and Ann had the most distraught expressions out of everybody. So every time I scanned across the table, I needed to look down and away as I got to those two. Painful!!!!
Luckily for us, people started to realize that it was a pretty cool joke soon after. There were a few laughs and the tension was broken slightly. In the end, I don't think anybody was all that mad - because they suggested I continue the joke with John, who couldn't attend that night. They suggested I tell him that I married Mary because she was pregnant, or that I was regretting the whole thing. What better way to get over a joke but to continue playing it on somebody else?
The funny thing was that John was the most skeptical out of everybody. He refused to believe it until the others managed to convince him that it was true. But they convinced him so well that he refused to believe me when I told him it was all a big joke!
We all laughed that if I ever did get married, nobody would show up because they wouldn't believe me. I can imagine that now - showing up for my wedding to an empty church, and an empty reception hall. That would be poetic justice, no?
Tri made a funny comment after it all - he told us that he wanted to laugh SO badly when we revealed the joke, but couldn't because of the look of shock and horror on everybody else's faces. He then told Mary that her reputation was forever sullied, because she "shook hands with the devil"! Too funny - the thing is that deep down, everybody expected this kind of thing from me. But not from sweet, innocent Mary - in a way, her reputation took much more of a hit than mine.
Any regrets about the joke? Not really ... while I wish that nobody got upset about the joke, at least we've given everybody something to talk about for a long, long time. And if anybody has ever wondered if there is anything that is sacred to me ... they've learned that there is nothing! It's a funny thing - all of the people that were in on the joke all thought it was an awesome joke and saw nothing wrong with it. But I guess it's different when the joke is played on you.
I don't know if I could ever top this joke - I think this one pushed the boundaries as far as they could go. The only possible way of topping this joke is probably to fake my own death. Hmmm ... I need to think about how to pull off that one ...
So ... traveling through the Baltics ... I can't say that it was an amazing experience, but any travel experience is still always a good one. Going into it, I definitely knew that it wouldn't have the incredible sights or sounds found in the more touristed parts of Europe. But that was part of the reason for going - to experience something a little different.
It was a little unusual traveling with someone - I'm completely used to doing it alone. I suppose there was the cruise with Tam last year - but that was only for a week, not for almost a month.
I know that I shouldn't, but I compare this trip with last summer's. The problem is that there is no comparison - that trip was life-changing in so many ways, and for so many reasons. Traveling by yourself also gives a completely different experience - better in some ways, but worse in others.
I remember Mary and I talking about our travels, roughly halfway through the trip. I had previously told her that one of the reasons I love traveling is because I always seem to learn something new about myself. Obviously, I learned much more about myself last summer because of the amount of time I had to be alone with my thoughts.
Mary asked if I had managed to learn anything this trip, despite the lack of "alone time" that I need and crave so much. I told her that yes, I did learn something - I learned that my extreme independence is largely self-imposed. I used to think that I had no choice because by nature, I have an independent personality.
But after this trip, I know that I don't necessarily have to be that way - I know that it's my choice. While at times I need my independence, I'm learning that it's OK to rely on others. And all it took was a fake marriage to make me realize this!
There always seems to be a "theme" song for each of my extended trips. Mary and I debated about this for a while - and though I originally dismissed the idea, I eventually agreed that her choice was indeed a good one.
Last year's theme was Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy", with James Morrison's "You give me" a close second. The year before that it was James Blunt's "You're beautiful". And what about this year? Annie Lennox's "Why?" is probably a more appropriate choice for Mary, but we needed a song that suited both of us.
So this year's winner is - drum roll please - Nelly Furtado's "All good things (come to an end)". As Mary would say, "Why" is this a good choice? Because truly, all good things eventually come to an end. Just like all of my travels. And just like fake marriages ...
"All Good Things (Come to an End)" by Nelly Furtado
Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming
[Chorus:]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
Come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why
[Chorus:]
Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die
[Chorus:]
Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.
