Madness in Patong

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  Patong, Phuket, Thailand
Thursday, May 20, 2010

We had a few good flights from Mumbai to Bangkok with some really nice food and Singapore airport is loooovely. We also used the last of our rupees at Mumbai airport buying beers which were about 7 quid or something stupid. So we landed in Bangkok airport and had already bought a flight straight out to Phuket cuz of all the violence in Bangkok. I think they were just clearing out all the red shirts with a few tanks and stuff when we arrived. It was a bit rubbish we couldn't spend a few days in Bangkok but it wasn't as if we ended up somewhere completely rubbish. So we got our flight to Phuket airport anyway and got our bags etc.

We walked out of the airport and went to sort out a shared taxi to Patong which is about 100Baht or something. While we were there we ended up booking a hotel for a couple of nights as we arrived quite late and although in hindsight we could have found somewhere quite easily we couldn't be arsed with the hassle. So we got into the van with a few others and ventured off. We met a guy on there from Wales called Richard who actually ended up staying with us for the next week or so. He was really sound and travelling on his own, about 39, so we eventually got to Patong and people got out and then the taxi driver dropped us off and told us our hotel was up this street. We walked up the street and our hotel wasn't there at all. Having left India and all my taxi/tuk tuk anger behind I wasn't particularly happy to find our hotel was actually about 4km back up the street so we had to get this taxi driver to take us on the one way system all the way back up. Rich ended up staying in the same hotel too as he got quite a cheap room or 300Baht. We had paid about 550 at the airport so once more got a little ripped off. Lesson learned once more though.

So we got ready and took a walk to the main street. It is really lively with lots of restaurants and some bars on the streets going down to the main drag. Also lots of massage places with groups of women goin Żou want maasssaaaaaaaaaaaaagge?'if you imagine it going up in pitch aswell and imagine about 7-8 at a time. It's dead funny though. Then in some of the bars there are groups of girls trying to haul you in. It's all good fun and you just have to mini wrestle your way out of it and say you might be back later. The main street is just a sea of neon lights, bars, clubs, a few shops, people trying to get you to go to go-go bars or bucket bars and then a shed load of people. Most of the barsd are decked out with a plethora of Thai women who shout to you as you walk past. It's dead funny.  It was bloody mad and I haven't been anywhere like it before. We ended up walking down to a few bars and went for a beer in an Irish pub to start with. Then the rest of the night was a mixture of walking, drinking and speaking to girls really. We ended up in this kind of cove/street where there are loads of girls dancing on the bars and ended up getting some Sangsom buckets. Sangsom is Thai rum in case anyone didn't know. Basically people just drink buckets in Thailand really with coke and their own kind of Red bull. The bar was really cool though and the girls serving us were really good fun and we had a good laugh. Plus then there is the fact that there is a pretty attractive Thai girl girating her quite scantilly clad bum just a foot or two away from me! I didn't even have to break my eye line much. We ended up at a club called Tai Pan (I think) and stayed there for most of the night as they were playing a bit of electro and more dancey stuff. You tend the find all the bars play the same tunes with like Lady Gaga and that kind of thing. It's good though. So we basically stayed up til about 5am or something drinking and chatting with girls and stuff. They are quite forward anyway but really friendly. And a lot of them are very attractive. 

Next day we got up and ventured to go try and find a better/cheaper hotel. We took a taxi to find these cheap ones from the book and ended up finding a couple of really amazing hotels for about the same price we had paid. One of them was called Mai bar or something and Mai was the owner. She was a really nice Thai lady about 30-35 or so and so Rich ended up sorting a room out there for the day after and we went next door to Chang Guest House which was like a bloody palace for about 500Baht. We had a massive room, fridge and even a kitchen and serving hatch thing. So we wandered off towards the main drag, about a 15minute walk away, and walked past a couple of quite big bars next to the Thai boxing stadium thing. We had a quick look and it was 30 quid to get in though so we weren't bothered about that. We walked through a shopping complex which was really nice though with various shops inside then restaurants, McDonalds, Pizza Hut etc. We went into an Irish pub for a drink and some food which was basically to be our home for the next few days. There was a really cute little Thai girl who worked there too which always helped. Affectionately known as 'my bird'. Then we wandered up through the main drag to the beach. I had to go for my next rabies injection so I went off to find the hospital and get that sorted while they chilled on the beach. It took about an hour or two to sort that and it bloody knackered aswell. Don't know what she injected me with. Anyway I went back to the beach but Rich and Blaise had gone so I wandered up to meet them at the hotel where I presume they were. I caught up with them walking back and they had been in a bar on the side where I had walked past about 3-4 times. Oh well. They had also been to the shop and bought a big bottle of Sangsom, some coke and red bull. We all got ready and went to sit in Rich's room and drank. We chatted about various stuff and Rich was realing off these stories from yesteryear and all of these people that he knows. He knows so many people it's rediculous. He knows people who are good mates with Anthony Hopkins, loads of rugby players, famous people in America. All sorts. Anyway we eventually stumbled off towards the main drag past all the massage girls calling. We decided to eat at a seafood restaurant on the side of the road and were sat next to these 2 Aussie guys who we got chatting to about footy and stuff like that. They were cool and we had a good chuckle. Then we headed off to the main street anyway. We first ended up at this bar where this band were playing and they were f*cking amazing. They were playing eveything from Rihanna to Chilli Peppers to Tina Turner. The woman had one of the best voices I had ever heard and the band's sound was amazing no matter what they played. After a few drinks we ended up going to the dancing bars I think but sat at one of the other bars. There was a really cool older Thai woman though who served us who was dancing about and being stupid so we had a good laugh with her drinking buckets etc. Then we ended up going to this free nightclub called Hollywood I think. It's kind of the main place for most people to go whether foreign or Thai. It's free to get in but about 3 quid a bottle but they have 2 rooms playing a mix of house/electro and R & B etc. We spent quite a bit in there anyway and there were quite a few really beautiful Thai girls in there too. Then we ventured back down to Tai Pan for something a bit more clubby and drank a bit there till about 5-6am again. You will probably start to see a pattern emerge! But Patong is a bloody hedonistic place and we had ended up spending quite a bit of cash already but it's just nuts.

Next day we decided to move to our new accommodation so we got a taxi down to Chang and Mai guest houses. I think me and Blaise ended up having a power nap for an hour or two as our bed was so comfy it was rediculous. Rich stayed down having a game of pool and beer with Mai. Then, as per, we wandered up to the Irish pub for some food and a drink or two. We walked past these fish massagers too where you put your feet in this tank and the fish eat away all your dead skin and stuff. There was a Swiss guy having it done at the time who said it felt weird. So we wandered back up to the main street and went into the band bar again to watch the play off final. We went to the dancing bars again and we found an offer of 2 buckets for 300Baht which was a lot cheaper than what we had been paying. The bar was further into the place anyway and there was this massive block of a tree truck where people were trying to hammer nails into it. I think it's like the Thai bar thing to do like skittles or dominoes is in England. But the barman was amazing at it. He would set his nail, chuck his hammer up spinning it round then with one bosh the nail would be gone into the wood. Afterwards we ended up trying one of the actualy go-go bars with the old topless dancers and stuff. As you would expect it is lit up with red lights with hip hop tunes on the go and girls dancing round in the middle and on some of the tables right in front of you. They also have these pieces of plumbing pipe cover type things which they end up whipping men with. At one point there were running battles going on. Rich ended up giving a girl a good whacking and he got one back i return though. It doesn't hurt though but it makes a thud. I ended up with this girl girating on my lap and grabbing my hand and all sorts of stuff. Eventually she had her hand half up my shorts before I pulled it away. Also, and most people aren't going to be too complimetary here, the champions league final was on about now so I had to pull myself away from her to go watch the footy. Probably a good job I did though. Would have needed a big fan or something. She was like Żou no like?''and I was just going Żeah, maybe too much!'. So we ended up trying to find the match on but couldn't really and we weren't sure of kick off so we went up to Hollywood and had a few drinks and eventually the match came on there so we spent the next hour or two in there. Then, as per, we went to Tai Pan for more drinks til about 5-6am.

Next day was pretty much the same again. We went to the Irish pub as they had a carvery on but my appetite had waned so much over the last few days cuz of all the drinking I could hardly eat much of it. I couldn't believe I had left some carvery. Bad times. But I think I could have gone days without eating really. We spent the next few hours just going to the main street, having a drink then going back to the hotel and having a few drinks outside then. Also Richh pointed out the best t-shirt ever. It's for Glock which I think is a make of gun and it says:

Glock - for when you positively just have to shoot some cunt in the face

Proper chuckled. Anyway at night time you can probably guess the routine but this time we pretty much did a go-go bar crawl and went to virtually every one of them. It was funny watching all the girls and some of them giving it quite a bit. Think most of them were after you to buy them a 'lady drink' which I think is some sort of cocktail. They're not cheap anyway. Then eventually we went to the dancing bars again, Hollywood then Tai Pan and spent til about 5-6am again. I think Rich might have retired back a bit earlier. 

The last day we were actually supposed to be travelling to Ko Pha Ngan but we found out that the trips left at 7.30am or 12.30pm and we had missed them so we had to book it for 25th at 7.30am as we had to be in Ko Pha Ngan on 25th. We didn't do much again during the day. Just food, drink, walking around. At night Rich decided to stay at Mai's and just have a few beers and stuff. Me and Blaise went out at night and went to the band bar for quite a bit. We ended up giving them a few requests which they could just play no worries and they are just amazing. Then we did the usual rounds of dancing bar, go-go bar, Hollywood, Tai Pan and I think Blaise ended up going home about 3am or something. I ended up staying up in Tai Pan til 6am when it shut and then went to Hollywood until 7am when that shut. Bearing in mind I had to get a taxi at 7.30am this may not have been the best move but I had a wicked time. I was just dancing round being a bit stupid with some of the Thai girls in there. Eventually I stumbled back in the early morning sun and burst into our room about 7.10am and packed up my stuff. We waited outside and I began the rotting process. The next, about 10 hours, were me on various forms of transport from a mini bus, then coach and then ferry to Ko Pha Ngan and grabbing sleep and water wherever possible. It was really stupid though because we got a minibus to a place called Surat Thani where you get boats from and they gave us a sticker and asked if we wanted any trips, accomm etc. Then we get a coach to this other place to get a different sticker. Then the coach takes us to the port to get the boat while nobody actually tells you anything about what you are supposed to be doing! Not what I need in the decomposing sstakes, heavily sweating. Anyway thats pretty much it. Onto Ko Pha Ngan!!!!

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