The end
Trip Start
Sep 01, 2006
1
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Trip End
Sep 01, 2007
London, United Kingdom
Monday, September 10, 2007
It is really the end.
When you start a one year traveling experience you know this moment sooner or later will come, but it is as though your mind fails to recognise it as a real possibility. The end comes on its own, like the natural progression of things and you are left wondering whether that great adventure really took place.
People ask you about it, ask you about how this experience changed you, and when you look at them before coming with what you believe it is an answer, you keep wondering whether you are any different or simply more of the same.
Then an important realisation sinks in: when you left you thought you would go out there and find yourself -come back illuminated with such a deep understanding about life and how it all works-, whilst in fact you have never lost yourself in the first place. You were there, under strata made of routine, insecurities, dreams, fears. You were always there waiting to be seen, heard, felt.
Yes, I suppose I have learned a lot during this trip, I suppose I have understood a lot about myself.
I have realised that many times I have been looking for happiness in the wrong places. And when you look for happiness in the wrong places you inevitably feel disappointed, unhappy, and the more you dig - trying to turn this situation around- the more you get deep into it.
I realised that I can get rid of the masks I have been bearing, that there is a ME that feels in peace with himself and everyone around. There is a ME that likes himself for what he is, and does not feel guilty for what he is not. That ME likes silence, likes feeling safe, like feeling calm inside.
I realised that I have run away a lot in my life, that through distance and achievement I have tried to become less real to the people I felt I hurt. I tried to become invisible to my family by going away, by becoming a story to be told, the one that when he comes home moves around like a ghost in a castle.
I discovered the value of forgiveness, the acceptance of people's faults, the understanding of differences. I forgave my father for his silences, for the things he could not do when I was a child. I appreciate him more for the things he does and has done.
It felt good going fishing together the other week.
I forgave the people who did me wrong, and asked for forgiveness to the people I did wrong to.
I discovered the concept of karma, of putting into life what you would like life giving back to you, and how this concept can help you feeling contempt about the way you lead your life.
I discovered that many times we impose ourselves limits by naming them as such, that I can jump off a plane, that I can climb a glacier, a volcano, trek Patagonia, cycle Vietnam. I realised that we can become bigger only by challenging these limits, surpass them or accept them after we do so.
I realised that dignity is often found in the poorest conditions.
I realised that Beauty is angry, capricious and restless.
I realised that understanding yourself is giving yourself the chance to listen to what you have got to say. That we fear silence and loneliness because of this, because we fear understanding who we really are.
These and other things I have realised. And now that I am back I wonder whether I am different or more of the same. Whether these thoughts will lose strength as times goes by. Whether I am better or simply more aware.
What I know is that this experience has changed my life. Yes, I saw many places, but it was not all about the places I have visited, but my reaction to the different situations I faced. I am back, and happy to be back. Ready to embrace the future like another long journey.
