Amsterdam - day 40

Trip Start Aug 06, 2011
1
14
24
Trip End Nov 13, 2011


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Where I stayed
Dikker & Thijs Fenice Hotel Amsterdam
Read my review - 1/5 stars

Flag of Netherlands  , Noord-Holland,
Thursday, September 15, 2011

there are some things i do when travelling alone to make sure i stay safe:

-i rarely, if ever, go out at night
-i don't drink
-i certainly don't do drugs

so my first evening in amsterdam i went out at DUSK and saw a sex show, and DIDN'T 
DRINK...then i went to a 'coffee shop' and DIDN'T DO DRUGS, i bought 'cake' and took it 
back to my hotel room and i ATE it...it was a safety success! (though the sex show was so UNsexy it was practically boring)
 
i used vivien's famous words at the door and was granted easy access - have y'all heard 
the story?  of me and viv in las vegas looking for a strip joint?  i was drunk (but i 
wasn't alone so it was allowed) and happened to walk up to the door of the club first but 
when the bouncer looked at me i just froze, i had NO idea what to say to the man...viv 
pipes up from behind me with "are ladies welcome?" and he made sure we were made to feel 
at ease and comfortable - the same words work wonders in amsterdam too
  
you can sit in the same 'theatre' for up to 7 hours without seeing the same people 
'perform' - that's a pretty good deal, working for 10 minutes every 7 hours
 
met a prostitute :)  i did a tour of the red light district and it was a wealth of 
information on how it all works, and at the end we spoke with our own personal sex worker 
and we could ask whatever we wanted...i was so bogged down with a million questions that 
i kind of stalled...the red light district is the safest place to be in amsterdam as 
there are cameras and undercover security dudes everywhere
 
so then i went to the 'extase coffee shop'...they have a law here which says an 
establishment selling pot MUST use the words "coffee shop" in the signage...you can 
actually get coffee there too, but if you want JUST coffee you go to a 'cafe'
 
i walk in and am handed a menu, and i quickly see the magic words "space cake" so i got 
one to go...then i ate half of it...then i remembered it was the night my mum was due to 
call me...then thought fuckitol, and ate the other half...then i ate falafel (because, 
you know, when you're stoned and you see a bright neon sign saying 'falafel' you think 
'falaaaaffeeeeeeeellllll'...so the next time y'all see my mum have a giggle on me, little 
does she know i was off my tits when i spoke to her
 
randoms: 

-when the cannabis museum opened a law was passed that they weren't allowed to use the 
word 'cannabis' so being good citizens they renamed it the 'hash, marijuana and hemp 
museum'

-a lot of the buildings here lean...to the left or to the right, doesn't matter, but 
they've stood for around 500 years and when a building wants to lean, it shall lean

-if the dutch aren't amish, why are the amish dutch?

-the airport is 4m under sea level...18% of the country is water and 40% of the land is 
under sea level...with global warming and the rising sea levels, they need to redirect 
the water or learn to swim fast...there's a saying "god created earth, the dutch created 
holland"...they literally drained the water using their iconic canal system and made the 
land habitable

-there are 600,000 bicycles in amsterdam, and the riders are a visious bunch

-they have a flower auction that sells 48 million flowers and plants a day! go to the 
market today, sell your flowers tomorrow morning, and someone in NYC buys them that same 
afternoon
 
-when the sun is shining, amsterdam is an absolutely stunning city...it actually looks a lot like copenhagen but amsterdam has an edge to it that makes it feel exciting
 
-the food in holland is deplorable...there is no such thing as dutch cuisine...they do pancakes (as big as pizzas) and profiterjes (which are just tiny pancakes), and even those they don't do so well...i think my friend chrys NEEDS to live here for a few years, not only for obvious reason, but to open a greek restaurant and feed these poor buggers some awesome tasting food
 
clogs and tulips and van gogh and canals and sex in windows and cake (it came in muffins too, i swear it was a tough choice), old architecture, a society tollerant of all - what's not to 
like...amsterdam is a lot like athens - dirty and tough, and no one gives a shit about 
you or what you are doing...absolutely fuckawesome

ps...the hair!  a few days later i've decided to refer to it as "the rod stewart do"...wake up maggie i think i've got something to say to you...

My Review Of The Place I Stayed



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Comments

Samita on

My eyebrows were up so high while reading the first part that they may stay that way LOL also wtf at the bike parkiing LOL

nicky7a
nicky7a on

lol...what part? can you IMAGINE going to amsterdam and not seeing a sex show or doing drugs? c'mon man!!!

melissab2009
melissab2009 on

my space cake was much prettier than yours - mine was marble rainbow swirl..but u ate all of yours and i didnt eat all of mine LOL

i had exactly the same impression of the sex show i saw in amsterdam and of the bike riders too - they really are mental

2 more sleeps til take off so i'll see u in a few days!

nicky7a
nicky7a on

a few days!!!! it's music to my ears about now...i'm getting antsy...waiting for youse to come has been as hard as youse waiting to get here (nearly)

nicky7a
nicky7a on

ps...and with viv being so close yet so far away, it has made it that much worse

Laura (onetruefriend) on

I'm a bit Danish and may have had ancestors come from Copenhagen, glad you enjoyed it.

I have little to no interest in Amsterdam. But I'm glad for you if you had a good time!

Stay safe! - Laura

kevloid on

wtf it looks like those bikes were unloaded by a dumptruck.

nicky7a
nicky7a on

the bike riders in amsterdam were scary bastards!!!

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