Dont go away mad, just go away

Trip Start Dec 28, 2004
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Flag of United States  , Alaska
Sunday, June 8, 2008

Do you ever look back upon an idea or thought that seemed to make so much sense, that was so pure of intention and was completely void of negativity and upon looking back you think to yourself in absolute wonderment....."what the fuck was i thinking?".  I mean am I the only one who has these moments where not only have my best laid plans been laid to waste but someone has strapped a few pounds of c-4 on the fucker and lit the fuse without telling me?  So as you can probably assume, things with the ex girlfriend are not exactly going smashingly.  To recap the sorry state of affairs, I talked to Sam (the ex) and told her she should come up to Alaska and work for the summer to make some money and pay off some debts that she had complained about a few times.  Quite honestly that was the grand plan.  If there was going to be some side nookie or something of that sort i would not exactly protest and to be honest it would be a nice way to spend some Alaskan nights but the bare bones of the entire situation was that of trying to help a friend out.

flash forward a few weeks and here i am, being painfully reminded of why we didn't get along all that well when we were dating in the first place and why I'm not a big fan of the drama that comes along with your average western girl.  I'm not going to get into too much detail about this at the moment because i have a lot of readers who work with the both of us and not to be rude but a lot of it is none of their business.  when writing this blog it is usually nice because i can pretend that i am just writing to an anonymous reader.  i mean i know my parents read this but other then that i don't like to think all that much about who my audience is.  it is this separation that lets me just write and express myself and not have to worry about who I'm pissing off or who doesn't want to hear about me getting high in the jungle and then running off with some prostitute for a week romp in my tent....anonymous means i don't give a flying shit what i say.......this time though i have to break out the seldom used censor because i don't want my small world here in homer knowing all the fucked up details.

I would have to say that my main point of contention with the girl is that she hasn't grown up.  i literally work with 16 year olds in the restaurant who are more mature then this girl.  she thinks its cute and people adore how bouncy, flirty and flighty she is but in reality the annoyance factor is high but she doesn't pick up on this at all.  as one co-worker said to me "she just doesn't pick up on social cues.....she's oblivious". i suppose if you want to live your life in such a fashion then you are more then entitled to do so, i mean wtf why not right?  but that person shouldn't be surprised when people wear thin.  i suppose i was on a faster track on the wear and tear since i worked two jobs with her AND lived with her.  you add that to the emotional roller coaster (not getting into that) there for a couple weeks and it just added up to a giant hassle. 

Finally last week we had a talk on the beach and i told her i was going to move into the van because my summers were hard enough without having to deal with the stress and bullshit that she had brought into my life by the truckload.  yes friends and neighbors i was more then ready to move into a van to get away from this shit but if you look at the big picture it wasn't going to be that bad really, i mean i had lived in a tent all last summer so anything was going to be a step up from that.  since that conversation there have been a few tumultuous moments with the last one being that our landlord who is our neighbor and my co-worker said that he does not want her living there alone because she parties too much and she's just to god damn annoying.  so i tell her all this and I'm accused of forming some sort of conspiracy and trying to turn people against her (Please picture me rolling my eyes).  so i finally snapped and just let her have it verbally......telling her how god damn annoying she is, how being a compulsive liar is not exactly flattering and to grow the fuck up already.  so needless to say i have the cabin to myself now :)   .

this is going to sound really strange and i know it really wont make sense to a lot of you but this whole ordeal just made me miss ninny so much more and made me realize how content i was when i was with her....and how lucky i am not to be stuck with that crazy bitch that just moved her ass out of my home.  sometimes it takes a smack in the face like this to wake a person up and make them see the light of day as far as what they have going for them in their lives.  I'm not the best person in the world i know but I'm trying to get a little better as i go along on my path of life.  i think part of all of the drama here is that i have made a conscious decision to cut away the bull shit riff raff that has attached itself to my life over the years.  for some reason i am a sort of pied piper of assholes and idiots.  they come to me like rats to cheese and although i have become more adept over the years of seeing them for what they are before they have latched on, i still have some hangers on from before i was so observant.  Sam is one of these and she has been cut free to drift on the currents of life and to most probably be washed upon the shores of some crappy trailer park in southern Illinois.  chad has also been cut free and i suppose i owe my readers an explanation for that but it will have to wait because its a long god damn story.  I'm tired of the bullshit and the pettiness of people.  i hate to sound like a loser or something but I'm just too old for this shit man.  either be a good person and contribute positively in the lives of the people around you or just the get the hell out of the way and lead your shitty existence where i don't have to deal with you.

other then all THAT SHIT, life up here is going pretty good.  its a bit slow due to the price of gas ($4.57) so we'll see how the summer goes.  we get a lot of RV business out here in Homer and the price of gas is sure to strike that shit down pretty quick.  its a beautiful drive for sure but i think its time we all switched over to a rice rocket or something because these giant behemoth SUV's and RV's  just are not going to cut it in the new world in which we are finding ourselves..........anyway, I am good, ninny is good, Sam has been cut free.  and i thought i was going to have a boring summer!!!!! stayed tuned cuz i don't know what the hell is going to happen next.
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