Cabbages and condoms anyone?
Trip Start Dec 28, 2004
270Trip End Ongoing
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It was very cute how nervous ninny was on the way to the hotel and her fidgetiness kicked into high gear in the elevator ride up to the 23rd floor. I was pretty nervous meeting her mom a while ago but that was in a small village in the middle of nowhere and her mom not speaking a word of English. I think I had a pretty good right to be nervous. After a brief pause at the door for ninny to compose herself we rang the doorbell (hotel rooms with doorbells?) and Leah answered. I made the quick introduction between her and ninny and although Leah looked a little shocked she took it in stride and welcomed us in. The rest of the night consisted of searching and finding dinner and ninny fidgeting nervously and not saying much which is a small miracle because usually you can't shut the girl up.
The next day ninny decided to sleep in while the parents and I went over to the snake and venom conservatory that is in the middle of the city. The place is actually run by the Red Cross and this is where they raise poisonous snakes and milk them for their venom. A little crazy to find that sort of place in the middle of a huge city but cool all the same. After the little show they put on we left and met up with ninny at MBK (giant shopping mall). Now this is where things get a little interesting. The parents wanted the full "Thailand" experience so we decided to do a night trip over to pattaya which is only about 2 hours away by taxi. Now those of you who aren't regular readers of the blog need to know that pattaya is the girlie capital of the world with about 70,000 girls "working" all over the city. There are many many shows and go go bars and really just a buffet of sexual exploits and sights and my parents wanted to go see it.
To my great surprise it was my father who was pretty laid back and nonchalant about the whole thing. I have grown up with this man and his never ending dirty jokes and forwarded emails of questionable taste (many of which I opened in the Homer public library). Now he is quite literally a kid in a candy shop and the look on his face is as if he were watching TV and not a bunch of naked girls prancing around. Taking your girlfriend to these sorts of places can be a tricky sort of adventure but ninny is a bit of an adventurous type so she wasn't too worried when naked woman would begin to straddle or man handle me. Leah was very proud of herself because she got a kiss on the cheek by an exceptionally cute girl. If the girlfriend and the parents weren't around I think me and that girl would have had to go out on a "date" because not only was she beautiful but also acrobatic with the ability to contort herself into outrageous positions while hanging from metal rings dangling from the ceiling. Pattaya really is an amazing place J .
I'm not going to get into too much detail because I think it may embarrass the parents a little and my younger readers may be a bit shocked and awed. But needless to say we all had a very good time and made it back to Bangkok by 3am. We had to get back because the next day was the day that father had been dreading since he booked this trip last year....the day of the weekend market. The behemoth of all flea markets. Where you can buy everything from jeans to furniture to human skulls (section 26). My dad does not like to go and buy a gallon of milk at the grocery store. When it comes Christmas season you will be hard pressed to wedge him out of the house other than for the turkey gorging that we call thanksgiving. The man hates crowds and he hates shopping and now we were mixing the two together with a heaping helping of HOT. Oh the joy of joys.
Usually when I go to this place I am actually getting paid for the experience due to my very small little export business. I would go to the market and buy what I had to buy and then send it off to America to make a nice little profit. But now I was there pro bono so to speak and that is never fun. It was all four of us venturing into the labyrinth....Leah leading the way followed my ninny then dad then me. It was a test of patience because ninny would be looking for shoes and purses while Leah was looking for souvenirs so in essence, we were stopping at almost every single stall.....well it wasn't that bad really but is sure seemed that way at the time. I think dad had sweated through his t-shirt about 5 minutes after stepping off of the monorail and now he was just drenched. Luckily the man had some sense in his head and he was constantly drinking water as we made our way down the dark isles which is a good thing because I really didn't feel like carrying his passed out body. Now where dad was completely out of his element, Leah was in heaven, although a bit hesitant to dicker with the Thais. The argument about the price is half the fun of the weekend market and to the Thais it's like a game. They are very good natured about the whole thing and there is a lot of laughing and smiling during the process of trying to talk the price down.
Dad didn't do too badly when it was all said and done. He lasted about an hour.....maybe an hour and half before he said enough was enough. To my shame we all abandoned Leah to her shopping lol. Ninny went back to the hotel to take a nap because she was still worn out from pattaya (no not that) and dad and I went off to go see a movie in the air-conditioned bliss that is the Thai movie theaters. When we last saw Leah she was power shopping and heading down an isles at full steam. Funny little side story to this bit. Dad, ninny and I all shared a cab and we dropped ninny off at khao san road first and then continued on our way. Immediately after leaving ninny we hit traffic and when you hit traffic in Bangkok it is of an epic nature. Well the cabbie gives us a look and he starts making his way slowly to the curb side of the road. I knew what the fucker was doing but there was little I could do to stop it. When Thai cab drivers think that the traffic is too much and the fare not properly astronomical then they will pull over and very nicely tell you to get the hell out of the car. And this is exactly what this guy did. I've had it happen to me a few times and it's not really anything too serious, maybe mildly annoying at the worst.....at least for me. For dad this was a totally mind blowing experience and he was none too happy. But like I said it wasn't a major problem and all we had to do was walk a few blocks past the traffic light that was causing the traffic jam in the first place (or the cops that were running the traffic light to be more specific) and we had no trouble getting a cab over to the movies.
The next day was a bit of a travel day. We had lunch together with the parents at his place called "cabbages and condoms" which was leah's idea. The idea behind this place is that all the money goes towards aids awareness and condoms and that sort of thing. Very noble and all but I cant think of anything less appetizing then cabbages or condoms. The funny thing was that when they bring the check instead of mints they bring you condoms. Ninny picked up one of the condoms and read the fine print and in a perfect deadpan voices says "too small for neal" which caused my dad to choke before laughing hysterically.....sometimes that girl is ok. After the big joke ninny and I said goodbye for the day and headed back to khao san where we were getting our bus to phuket. The parents were kind enough to put us up at a 5 star resort but we were doing the overnight bus while the parents flew. If I had enough advance time to plan I would have bought plane tickets because they are cheap but due to the crazy nature of ninny there is never much advance time lol. So me and ninny are on the move south with the parents following behind, stay tuned...............