Beware of the burning bush

Trip Start Dec 28, 2004
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Thursday, January 10, 2008

I find myself addicted to writing things nowadays, very strange since I have to really dig around for something to put down on this thing.  I just recently realized that I am halfway through my 8 month yearly vacation and I am already starting to dread my 3 months of work.  Kind of silly I suppose but it's kind of like the whole "a body at rest tends to stay at rest" principle.  And let me tell you something, my body is definitely at rest and is not interested in the least with the whole "motion" thing.  Screw motion, it's too pretentious and annoying with the whole "honest day's work" yoke that is thrown over your neck right before the whip cracks and you begin dragging that god damn plow around the field (or flipping burgers or writing computer code etc etc).  the body at rest usually involves a hammock and a fruity drink concoction which is much more agreeable then the plow.

So I have the house to myself for a week since Chad has left off of ko tao to take his girlfriend sightseeing across Thailand before she has to head back.  I would laugh at him for having to go through the whole tour guide thing but the day after she flies back to Alaska my parents arrive from Chicago and I get to be the tour guide.  I think this will be the 6th or 7th trip to the grand palace for me which must be a record of some sort.  The grand palace is quite the sight to behold but the downer of it is that they make you wear long pants in temperatures that are screaming for shorts, if not a Speedo.  Other then the Bangkok shuffle that I have done about 40 times thus far, the visit should be a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to it quite a bit.

Now that I am just about without a girlfriend (don't ask) I find that ko tao is not nearly as enjoyable and pleasant as it once was.  I hate to admit it but I grew accustomed to having a girl at my side and sharing life with said person.  Now I understand why people are so slow to fall in love....when it falls apart it is quite the bitch to deal with.  I am beginning to toy with the idea of bailing out of ko tao sometime relatively soon if for no other reason than to escape from the never ending "oh I remember when ninny and I came here for lunch that one time" that seems to be an ongoing  monologue in my head right now.  Well that and also I think that realalisticly ninny was one of the only reasons that I have been living in one place for so long.  I could definitely live with a side trip to Indonesia or maybe even a little time in the Philippines who knows.  I'm not sure yet because at the very least I'm pulling in 500-600 dollars a month working the dive master circuit here on the rock.  Not big money for sure but it definitely adds to my ongoing ability to eat 2-3 meals a day.

Haven't been sleeping all that great as of late.  I think it has to do with the domestic issues but I can safely say that this is the first time that I've woken up at 5am since I was in the army.  I'm not a big fan of the whole waking up before the sun and the roosters fully arrive on the scene thing.  I thought 7am was bad enough but I've been waking up earlier and earlier recently.  Reminds me  of a Stephen king book called insomnia where these people wake up earlier and earlier until finally they are not sleeping at all and then they start to see some really weird shit.  THAT reminds me of the time that I stayed up for almost 2 days straight just for the sleep deprivation and when I started to have these mild hallucinations I went into my kitchen and took 5 hits of acid thus launching myself into a low earth orbit.  I mean that's some serious dedication to scrambling ones synapses when you spend two days in the preparation and another 15 hours in the actual act.  No one ever accused me of doing things in a half assed sort of way when it came to altering my consciousness.  If I didn't have a one on one with god/Buddha/Vishnu/Zeus then I had failed in my grand quest for absolutely melting my brain into a pile of oozing sludge.

Usually a godish sort would come down and talk to me and I was happy enough for that....as long as it wasn't Allah, cuz me and him are not all that cool at the moment what with me being part of the chosen tribe and all.  ALTHOUGH I am a big fan of the 72 virgins idea.  Of all the crazy religious shit that pours forth from all of the major (and minor) organized religions I have to hand it to the Muslims for coming up with the most colorful and intriguing mental picture of heaven.....sounds much better than the Christian drivel of being in the presence of the lord god.  I'll take the virgins and the rest of you can have the whole presence thing.

Interesting little fact....spell check does not have the word "Muslim" in their dictionary.  Hmmm I wonder if Jewish is in there.....nope sure isn't LOL.  Ok now I'm pissed off......Muslim and Jewish are not in spell check but Christian is....and it automatically capitalized the god damned word.  What the hell is with that?  Its little shit like that which drives me crazy.  The Christians problem I find is that they aren't happy that you believe in a benevolent higher power.  Or that your god has been around for a few thousand years before their god showed up on the scene with a fresh pair of sandals and a bathrobe.  They can't be happy for you that you believe in something that fulfills you and helps you along the path of righteousness.  No, it can't be that easy because you HAVE to believe what they believe.  When the bible said that Jesus was a Sheppard leading a bunch of fucking sheep they weren't speaking figuratively. The sheep follow the Sheppard and try and convince everything else out there to join their sheepish ways and become part of the herd.  I just can't see why they can't be happy that we have good lives and aren't molesting children and things of that nature....instead they have to lay great ideas like intelligent design and 14 year old virgins getting pregnant with "the spirit" on us. 

I mean intelligent design....really?  the entire idea behind this, and I couldn't make it up if I tried.....is that the universe is sooo complex and crazy that only a very special invisible person could possibly create it.  I mean does this shit not ring a bell?  Look at the ancient Greeks and all the shit they couldn't explain....they had a god and a story for everything from seasons changing to stars moving across the sky to rivers flooding.  They didn't understand what the hell was happening around them so they attributed it all to the invisible god.

Now you would suppose after a couple thousand years of intensive scientific discovery maybe things would change a bit, that maybe we could see that there are forces at work here in our little universe such as gravity and dark matter and all that good shit.  Instead the religious folk are fighting tooth and nail to just remove all the science books out of the classrooms and hand out a flier on the first day of the school year saying "god created it all".  Let's just throw the whole scientific method out the fucking window and while we're at it we might as well go shit on Galileo's grave.  I'd like to make a deal with the assorted Christian nuts out there.....you don't pray in our schools and we won't think in your church.  I think that's a fair trade off for the country.  I mean after all, there is no reason to bring down the entire education system of this country just because you believe that a bunch of nomads believed a burning bush spoke to them 5000 years ago.  I've had burning bush's talk to me also, but I had ingested a large amount of mushrooms at the time and I realized that while the talking flames were indeed quite the kick ass audio and visual hallucination, there was no need to enslave 4 billion people with what the bush was saying (If I remember correctly I believe it was something about a cartoon I had just watched while the mushrooms were kicking in).  if only those nomads had the common sense to chill out and not start going on and on about flying 7 headed scorpions and rivers turning to blood and killing babies, we all would have been better off.

Ok so that is the sort of shit that rolls around my head at any given moment which I suppose may scare some of you and which also probably kept me out of some of the better schools.  Oh well, some things we just can't control and the internal dialogue is one of them.  Hopefully I haven't pissed too many of you off.  And now back to our regular program of odd and crazy travels by an overweight non practicing Jew.

My big plan the next few months is to get a couple more certifications under my belt such as gas blending and equipment repair just to make myself a more attractive candidate for jobs when I decide to get off this little island and go somewhere a little more exciting (as far as actual diving goes).  I'm not sure if this is what I want to do with the rest of my life but at the moment I don't see a more attractive option so here I am, toiling away on a tropical island.......oh the horror, the horror.  I suppose I should wrap this thing up and post it already.  The next post should be concerning the adventures of the parents through Thailand so keep an eye out for that one because it should be pretty amusing.
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Comments

lynnead
lynnead on

Funny
Excellent post Neal, as always, far from offensive you really made me laugh!! We'll be on Koh San Road in 10 days!!! may bump into you again :o)

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