Why i dont drink

Trip Start Dec 28, 2004
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Flag of United States  , Alaska
Thursday, August 30, 2007

Alaska oh Alaska, how i have tired of your scenic beauty and the hordes of tourists who wash upon your shores like schools of dead salmon post spawn.  the final countdown is kicking in now that I have 10 days left up here in the semi arctic.  for those of you wondering.........i will be working my normal shift on Sunday sept 9th.  i will then leave directly from work and enjoy a 5 hour drive to anchorage where my plane for Thailand will depart at 4:30am.  no use puttering around and spending money here in Alaska when i can waste away on a beach somewhere.

fun story......so the other week me and a few friends went to the bars to have a little fun and do a little drinking.  now those of you who know me know that i don't drink that much but on this night i somehow found myself completely shit faced.  now this would not have been so horrible had it not been for the fact that i left the bar at 4am and had to wake up for work at 7am.  now in all fairness, i was out drinking with the owner of my morning job and i warned him that i may be just a little late the next day. so i finally get the tent to stop spinning long enough for me to pass out and next thing i know its 7am and time to get up.  problem number one with the situation is that I'm still completely shit faced....not hungover like i was hoping but instead, falling down drunk.  the second problem was that i REALLY had to take a piss.  my tent is not tall enough for me to stand up completely so i stand into a sort of crouching position and begin to unzip my tent (for full amusement of this story you have to know that i sleep in the nude.....sorry). as i unzip the tent my left thigh cramps up so painfully i scream out a bit but i don't fall over because lets face it, I'm a tough son of a bitch.  about 3 seconds later my RIGHT calf cramps up horribly and i fall over onto my face.  i  mean shit, one cramp is pretty bad but two at the same time is more then any man should be asked to deal with, especially having only been awake for about 20 seconds.  so now i have dueling cramps and i STILL have to piss unbelievably bad.  having no choice, i pull myself out of the tent, crawling through the grass, wet and naked and still trying to knead out the cramps in my legs. having cleared the tent and the surrounding area i thought it far enough away to relieve myself but due to the continuing cramping i was unable to stand.  at this point the need to urinate was an all consuming thought due to the pain and a niggling suspicion that my bladder may actually explode like a child's water balloon hitting asphalt.  again, having no choice, i lay on my back and arched myself the best that i could and began watering the surrounding shrubbery.  needless to say, i did not make it to my first job that morning............and for all those that wonder why i don't drink, please remember this story in the future.

in other news, i have moved into a friends spare cabin (or in non Alaskan terminology, a squatters shack) due to a second run in with the bear last week. at about 6am i again was awoke by the heavy breathing of the bear.  this time he decided to shred a bit of my rain fly with his claws...leaving several rips down the side and a good size tear by the door.  what was even more frightening was that he didn't seem all that bothered when i yelled at him.....in other words, he wasn't scared of people and when dealing with bears, this is a very bad thing.  anyway, short of getting a shotgun, i figured the move would be in my best interest and safety. 

im in the middle of wrapping things up and doing some last minute shopping for the little things....like good toothpaste lol.  its fun to get ready and plan but it also makes the waiting that much worse.  people always give me shit because I'm so tired, both physically and mentally from the double job/16 hour days.  they think that because i have a lot of the year off that i somehow shouldn't get tired or do my share of complaining.  these are the same people who come up to me and tell me that they are exhausted after waking up at 1pm and reading for awhile and then working for 6 hours.  i think the proper phrase for that is...."shut the fuck up".  unless something very exciting happens, i believe the next post will be from Thailand so lets all get ready to resume the fun programming after a summer of the rerun blues
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Comments

maui2008
maui2008 on

Funny
Neal - I haven't laughed so hard in a long long time!
Glad to hear the bear wasn't hungry.

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