Mysore, India
Sunday, October 28, 2007
The most interesting thing about traveling alone is that you have so many levels of thought inside your head that you have no one to share them with and to be honest some I dont want to share on here right away...so without even wanting to I censor some days when I post. Many times I censor the hard parts of traveling alone because I dont want anyone to ever get worried or concerned or god forbid think that I dont want to be here anymore. The truth is....some days I dont. Some days are hard and I start counting down the next days until I leave. Start thinking of Halloween and how I will miss it and dressing up with Nikki. But I cant think too much ahead than that because then I start worrying that the lonliness will get to me. And I start thinking that maybe I am the ONLY one who feels it traveling. I see sometimes other travelers like me....or at least whiteish like me. Most are with another but sometimes someone is alone. And I wonder...are they ever lonely too...or am I just not enjoying every single moment to the total fullest I can here and I am not doing this right? These things I think about when I am really lonely but most of all I push them out of my head and keep going. Traveling alone is tiring at times, you have to think a lot and be aware more than usual and you have no one to process it all with or share it with. Well, last night at dinner, I asked a woman about my age if she wanted to join me. She was traveling alone. Actually her name is Pernille and she is from Norway and working on environmental and their impact on a local tribal people in India. She was on break for the weekend in
Mysore. Her fieldwork is taking place in a remote area about 4 hours from here and sounds amazing and she is amazing AND she I had a a real conversation about what it is like traveling alone. It was so nice to get the "dirty" secret out in the open and laugh about lonely nights or days when you just cant wait to sit down for your next meal cause you are tired of walking around by yourself OR deciding to get a room with a crappy TV just to have the option of a Bollywood movie at night if you need company. Just being able to normalize it with someone and laugh about it makes it all kinda go away. I was shocked....someone was having the same kind of hard days and nights and loneliness that I sometimes had. She told me she was also a little worried to tell anyone about having a lonely or having a crap day because their is this need I guess we put on ourselves that having a crap day or being lonely isnt allowed. And it is true, I feel guilt about it sometimes because I know how lucky I am to be here and I dont want to waste any of it on a crap day or feeling sorry for myself. But the more I try to deny it the more obvious it is and rears its head. Dont get me wrong..it isnt like this ALL the time, but yeah, to be honest, sometimes it is and sometimes I just have too much time to think. But she was right when she said, "You know, why should it be any different than anywhere else? In life you have lonely days and crap days where things just dont feel right." And it is true. It just feels pretty intense when you are so far away from people who know you no matter if you are in India or England or wherever. It makes me really appreciate my friends though. And I tend to be recently very reflective about memories I have of times with good friends, past loves, family, just times throughout my life. I ride along on a bus and think about someone I havent talked to or seen in so many years but something makes me think of them and smile of a memory I had or wonder how they are. It seems to be happening more here than it did in my everyday life in LA. But the cool thing is that I realize how many good moments I have had with so many cool people. And I feel lucky for all that. And I thank everyone who has written to me on this trip because it really has meant so much to me.
It also makes me think of the poeple from places like India who come to study in the US and how hard somedays must be for them as well.
But today, Pernille and I took at hike up to a temple and then got on our bathing suits and crashed a pool at a swanky hotel and then had a fantastic lunch at the hotel and talked and talked. I had apple pie and ice cream. And I felt like such an American but man, it tasted so good.
And I wont forget this day either. It surely goes down as one of the best ones in
Mysore and I made a new friend and shared some good talks and laughs that I wont soon forget. I feel pretty recharged and ready for my next journey to come - it is funny how just one great day with one great person can really do that!
thanks for all the well wishes and support with the last post on smelliness!!! (I sent my clothes to get properly washed this morning after I found mold on some things.)
Love you guys a lot and cant wait to catch up in person.
love
mel
Comments
Sad but true!
Life is so strange isn't it? I went on a Pilot Club weekend and ended up sleeping in a bed with someone I hardly know. Also 4 women who only know one another from brief encounters at meetings being in one small hotel room and sharing a bathroom...talk about togetherness!! We had a good time but being back in my own bed tonight will surely be a luxury...Then there are days I spend driving down a lonely rural highway wanting to talk to Merry and share some wonderful (or awful) childhood memory only to discover that I am out of range on the cell. I have come to realize that each of those moments are to be cherished because it makes everything else worthwhile. Even in Florida!! Glad to know you are well and have met a fellow traveler...confirmation that with all of our human fralities and differences we are all more alike than different. Kinda gives one hope for the future! Did you see any elephants...I mean eph a lents?? Love mom
where to next?
More stories! More adventure!!!