Long Lasting Happiness

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• Entry from McLeod Ganj

Trip Start Jul 15, 2009 Previous
Entry Trip End Jun 01, 2010

  McLeod Ganj, Himachal Pradesh, India
Monday, May 24, 2010

I've been writing a lot lately, but not journalling a lot and not blogs. I haven't spoken but a few words over the last ten days.  On May 15, Misty and I, individually started a ten day retreat entitled, "Introduction to Buddhism", this included an introduction to meditation.  Some who know me, might say, "An introduction to Buddhism"? Didn't that happen for you over a decade ago?  The story goes that yes, I was introduced to Buddhism a number of years ago.  For a couple of years, I engaged the practices and ideas about Tibetan Buddhism in the Gelugpa tradition.  At some point, I returned to a "home" in the USA and put my books and images and such on the shelf and admired them, almost like a trophy or something.  This is my path, a spiritual path that has been on the shelf in some ways for many years. I always called myself someone who was not so good at meditation and followed other worldly endeavors. In other words, went back to a life of trying to get happiness from something outside of myself. 

When Misty decided to add India to our list of countries for our "Year in the World" trip, I sighed, and tried to talk her out of it.  I remembered how sick I got here, I remembered how my spiritual life was nicely placed on the shelf and I figured I didn't need to disturb it.  Misty, intentionally or not, has brought me back to a path on which I understand, is a way to find happiness that lasts.  Happiness that goes beyond trying to shape the world around me in a way that feels pleasurable and gives me comfort and see the world as it really is. 

The path of Buddhism, the study and practice, is not the only path to practice and attain an understanding of true happiness,  If fact if you are of a particular faith or religious direction I don't want to persuade you away from it.  I'd like to share my story of my retreat with you, if you find something here that you like and you think would help you, please by all means, take it and use it.  But if you find that my experiences and lessons I have learned are not helpful to you, please, leave them behind and enjoy your life.  My motivation is simply that all beings find happiness and a path away from suffering, nothing more, nothing less. 

Here is my story of the days between May15 - May 24, 2010.

We arrived at Tushita Meditation Centre at mid-day on May 15th.  We had one last lunch in town, before we climbed the hill.  We were able to leave some of our luggage behind in McLeod Ganj with friends, which was nice, so much one doesn't need for meditation practice.  The climb up the one lane road, into the forest at the foot hills of the Himalayas was warm, the sun shone down upon us and we sweated our way up the hill.  Misty and i engaged in our last conversation that we would have for ten days.  Virtually inseparable for the last year we had decided to embark on an internal journey, each of us on our own.  In order to do this, while still in each others presence daily, we pledged not to communicate.  We virtually didn't look into each others eyes for the entire ten days even though we passed each other many times a day.  Over the first few days it was difficult, we even found ourselves making eye contact at least once each day.  Even so, at many meals we sat at the same table, each of us focused, in a kind of meditation, on our own meals.  To some this may seem absurd, it may seem less than useful.  I found something different.  As you will see, I think we found a new starting point, a starting point of support for growth as individuals and possibly even better understanding to help us communicate more clearly.  Not speaking showed me to be more aware of my words, to speak when it is useful.  It's pretty difficult at first when you can't speak and just try to blame the rest of the world out loud for your disturbing emotion, frustration, sadness, or whatever it is.  I found, I couldn't help but look at myself, that the disturbance was within me, not outside of me.  The work that I need to do, that I think each of us could do is internal, this is where we will find happiness, not outside.  The pleasure and pain of living as a human is short term, always changing, If we look out there for our happiness we will always be upset by the pain and hardship, and upset when the pleasure of our fleeting happiness ends, all of it, seemingly out of our control.  We end up trying to force our environments to conform around our comfort.  Always we will end with something that doesn't last.  I'm getting a little ahead in the story, but it is important to me to convey, some of my lessons, some of the things that many of us hear or read about in books, but that I have been experiencing.  Of course this is just something else you are reading, may it be an inspiration to you if it makes sense.

Tushita Meditation Center is in the midst of the mountain forest.  Both conifers and broad leaf trees are around.  The trees and birds surround the temple in the woods, the center also has a few buildings for people to sleep in.  There is a something else of larger population there, a more long term resident of the area maybe, and that is the group of monkeys that live in the area.  They can be encountered pretty much anywhere.  During dinner occasionally they would charge our tables and try to steal food.  Scary to some, but they are mostly all talk.  The troop included babies to adults.  So cute to see the babies clutching their mothers tummy as she would make her way through the trees or across the ground.  The temple is pretty large, it could hold our class of 86 students, plus there was plenty of room for more.  There was a dining hall and outdoor sitting.  Outside the temple was a Stupa (a kind of monument to the development of love and compassion, often they are filled with relics and other blessed objects).  It was really just a nice mountain place, simple, encouraging the practice we were all there to do.

During the first day we checked in (not in silence yet).  Misty and I both met the two people we would each be sharing a room with for the duration of the retreat.  Although everyone shared rooms with people of the same sex, that was the only real segregation that went on.  All classes were held together, men and women sat together at meals.  I shared a room with two guys, one from Denmark and one from Chile.  Misty shared rooms with a woman from Canada and one from Germany.  Upon meeting my roommates we chatted a bit, Misty and I had already started our silence from each other and allowed each other to start the process of quieting down and letting go of concerns about each other.  After an hour or so we had our first meeting of the entire group.  The retreat consisted of 86 participants, it seemed that not all stayed the entire time.  Some of the other countries represented in the group were Israel, France, England, Japan, Ireland, Austria, Romania, New Zealand, Australia, Costa Rica, Brazil, India and the list goes on.

After the introductory meeting we started our silence of the entire group.  Silence was to be kept for almost every part of everyday, with a couple of exceptions.  During lectures there was opportunity to ask questions and for one hour each day we broke into small discussion groups to discuss the lecture topic of the day with a number of questions provided by our teacher.  Most of the group took the silence as a rule of living at the retreat in Tushita.  Of course some could not help themselves but to speak and others I don't think saw the point.  I don't think anyone was kicked out for breaking their commitments, and generally throughout the group silence was the standard practice.  As for me, I generally talked to no one outside the appointed times, I spoke to my Karma Yoga work partner as little as possible (explain Karma Yoga in a minute) and I spoke to someone in the office once when I found a water leak.  Otherwise I remained inside myself only a few glances at Misty and one sentence.  I must say, the experience brought a greater awareness for me to my inner world.  I figured, but I hadn't in the past gotten so closely in contact with how much I have going on in my head for such a long period, how much I give emotions so much power.  The practice of silence added a dimension to my experience of being me, that I never realized.  I really got to know myself, some of my habits.  Some of my blaming of the outside world for me feelings really started to become apparent.  Some of this will come out in the following paragraphs.

Along with silence we all agreed to follow 5 precepts or vows.  The first, no killing, not even a mosquito.  We were instructed that there was nothing to worry about, mosquitos that carry malaria, could not survive at this altitude, 2300 m (6900 ft. approx.).  Just let them take a tiny bit of blood and then let them fly away.  There were very few mosquitoes anyway.  The second is no stealing.  No stealing is defined as not taking what is not freely given.  In other words if it is not already in your possession, ask first, since we were in silence, just leave things not in your possession alone.  Third, no lying, again since we were in silence, this one would be easy, even if one is prone to such activity previously.  Fourth, no sexual activity, none, I think that explains it self other than, if you wonder, kissing and hugging are considered sexual activity in India, maybe not in your country.  And the last one is not to take intoxicants--drugs or alcohol.  This didn't include caffeine, sugar, or even tobacco (there were a few smokers and they had a designated area, and I think I only saw someone smoking once).  We also agreed to leave if asked to leave, attend all sessions and to complete a daily Karma yoga job.

Karma Yoga is contributing some work to take care of those staying at the retreat center.  An opportunity to give, to be focused in labor and do something for others for a few minutes each day.  When I thought of this I thought this will be great, something to do each day, I'd love to clean the temple floor or something, but I hope I don't have to clean toilets.  You can guess what happened.  Showers and toilets was my job. It was what came up when I approached the desk.  I thought for only an instant, I thought, I knew it... I accepted the job, quickly and tried my best not to be averse to the thought.  I've cleaned toilets before of course actually twice as my job.  We were trained at the art later that day.  It was fine.  I spent 15-20 minutes a day in the cleaning of toilets and at least I knew there were a couple of toilets that were thoroughly cleaned each day.  There were a bunch of us cleaning the various toilets of the center, and others did a variety of other, mostly cleaning jobs around the grounds.

Schedules:
For the first seven days our schedule each day included 3 meditation sessions, 2 lectures, 1 yoga/stretching class, 1 small group discussion, 3 meals, karma yoga, and tea time.  There was little free time even to study outside of the classes and sessions.  We were not aloud to listen to music and reading was limited to Dharma material (Buddhist text, commentaries, explanations, books, magazines).  And on the 8th and 9th day, there were 7 meditation sessions, karma yoga, yoga/stretching, 3 meals and tea time.  On many of these days a number of us stayed late and did one more meditation session.  Also on the 9th day there was a candle light offering in the evening at the stupa.  The tenth day included a meditation session as well as a lecture on bringing what we learned into the practice of everyday life, whether continuing on traveling or back at home when we start working and become busy with much less free time.  We also had a picnic lunch on the last day and then check out.

The first gong rang out to wake everyone at 6 AM.  Often I was in the gompa (temple) until 9 PM.  Sometimes after leaving the temple I would circumambulate the temple saying mantras.  I tried to focus my mind about developing compassion and wisdom, the two wings of Buddhism.  Other times all the energy I had left was to make my way to my room and crawl into my not so soft bed.

Each morning after washing my face and combing some sort of flattened style into my hair, I would head to the dining hall.  Each day by 6:30 there was boiled water and hot lemon ginger water available.  I usually drank the hot lemon ginger, but a couple of times I opted for the black tea, which I made with the hot boiled water.  I'd sit outside, look off the steep hillside and look for birds or monkeys and write down some notes about my dreams from the night previous.  Wow! did I have some incredible dreams while on retreat.  From scary to some that told me something specific about the nature of my mind.  From peculiar to dreams full of beauty and joy.  The common factor in what i remember about my dreams was how vivid they were.

The first meditation session of the day:
The first meditation session of the day was always devoted to mindfulness meditation.  Mindfulness meditation is a technique that uses the focus on a single point of input, the intent of this is to help someone learn to keep their focus so that when doing analytical meditation or say practices of purification you are able to stay with the focus of the practice continuously, without interruption from thoughts of future or past, emotions, feelings.  The point is to not only stay focused on these deeper practices but have the ability to take the suggestion or visualization, to a deeper level in the mind, and accept them into your heart.

Just a note before I get deeper into this discussion of an entry filled with ideas and concepts that I am turning over in my mind.  I don't pass myself off as a teacher.  I am merely a student sharing my experience.  If you are interested in any practice or concept I describe, please connect with some one who can properly guide you or read more about it in some books.  Many books by His Holiness the Dalia Lama are great for people to get an understanding of the principle concepts that I might bring up here.  Also, when it comes to anything I describe, don't just take my word for it or any other teacher.  Consider it yourself,  If after careful consideration it still makes sense, then use it for your happiness.  If you disagree or don't like it or whatever, just freely leave it behind, no problem.

Back to mindfulness meditation and my experience.
As we learned about mindfulness meditation the teacher used a simple process.  Our system of learning mindfulness(keeping the mind focused in the present moment) started with proper sitting posture.  Very simply a strait spine, cross-legged, hands in meditation mudra (position).  Legs crossed if possible, seated in a chair if that is what is possible for you. First we spend a few minutes to become aware of our bodies and adjust our sitting posture.  Then we find our focus point, generally the breath, in the nose, at the entrance to the nostril.. there are others.

During this daily practice of this technique of meditation, I did develop a bit.  At first I could not make it through much more than a couple of breathes before a thought, the past, the future, a feeling, noticing another part of my body, an emotion, some sound, some sensation, would suddenly be my focus for a moment, or sometimes, a few minutes.  After practicing this way for a few days it became even more of a struggle for me.  The teacher said. Oh, you are struggling, well, you are making progress then.

This explains most people's first or beginnings with meditation.  It seems at first they are trying and then they become more distracted by a variety of things.  This leads people to often think, I'm not good at this.  I'll just sit and use my meditation as time to think.  Often it seems from what I am learning that that burst of more distraction, is a process of purification.  In other words, by focusing we are allowing some of the backlog to work its way out.  We are cleaning so to speak.  In the middle of the retreat maybe day 5, I started to see some calming in my mind again.  Toward the end of the retreat, I again had many distractions as my mind starts looking to the future, not only the final days of the retreat, but the near future, when we will return to the USA. 

Ask yourself, How much of my time do I really spend in the present moment?  For most people, like me, much time is spent wandering amongst thoughts and feelings, distracted my a slight or powerful emotion. Maybe you are concerned self confidence or how someone else thinks about you.  One of the most effective meditation techniques for me that we practiced at the retreat, was referred to as "mind like a river".  In this practice after calming the body and mind, one visualizes themselves sitting on the edge of a river.  As thoughts, feelings, sensations, sounds, smells, emotions, anything that comes into your mind, when it arises, you visualize it, in whatever its form as floating in the river. Once in the river, it passes by you, continuing on until it disappears and you return to focus on your breath.  For me this is great to help to stop identify with my emotions or whatever comes up.  It has brought me to realize that saying things like, "I am frustrated" is inconsistent with the truth.  Frustration is just something that passes by, it isn't me.  To realize this is beneficial to maintaining a calm mind.  Maintaining a calm mind does not mean we somehow avoid having feelings, on the contrary, if a feeling or emotion arises, we feel it, and we let it go, without giving it more power or decided that since I feel frustration, I must get angry and figure out who is causing all this disturbance.  No need to identify it.  What I am starting to really understand, is how these emotions are not even caused outside me.  That person at work is not frustrating.  Just as I am not frustration, neither is anyone else.  There are many causes and conditions that cause our frustration or other emotions to arise and there is no need to blame.  Wow! how freeing is that, not to have to figure out who to blame.

Single pointed meditation, so that we may focus on a point, enough to bring a concept in analytical meditation, from purely an intellectual thought or suggestion, into something that we understand.  Such as truly understanding in your heart, compassion for all living beings and why that is important to our own peace as well.

All that before breakfast, not really, I have so much more to truly understand what I am saying, I am merely a child, getting started.  So then there is Breakfast.  Breakfast was always some kind of porridge with bread, peanut butter, honey and bananas.  A wonderful warm morning meal.  Serving of meals was done buffet style. the line would assemble out into the courtyard if the weather was nice, inside the dining hall if there was rain.  It always seemed nice hanging silently in line. contemplating the lecture or meditation that had just finished (for breakfast it was always a meditation).

Between sessions and after meals there was always a bit of time, more after meals. It allowed for time in the toilet or shower, a stretch or some time to read a book if you were just hanging around.  I grew accustom to a bit of a schedule in my free time and after breakfast I would spend my time, somewhere around the stupa (spiritual monument) outside the gompa.  At times I tried the practice of walking meditation (a meditation focusing on the breathe as well as the steps and synchronizing the two actions).  Other times, I would just spend my time walking around the stupa and saying mantras.  On common mantra is "Om Mani Padme Hum" the mantra of compassion and the Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, another is the mantra of Manjusuri, the mantra of wisdom, "Om Ah Ra Pa Tsa Na Di".  Simultaneously breathing, thinking and counting the mantras, representing three aspects of body, speech and mind.  At other breaks I had other activities, and at times, resting as I call it, letting my mind wander where it would (often not as restful I found) or watching monkeys play, those guys were always somewhere around.

Lectures and a sample of a concept that was taught:
After breakfast and break,  there was morning lecture.  The lecture through the course were 2 parts, one session in the morning and one in the afternoon.  The basis of the lecture series was the Lam-Rim , also known in English as "The Graduated Path to Enlightenment", a teaching shared in Tibet by Lama Tsong Khapa and was brought to Tibet from India by Atisha.

What I would like to share here is the entire six days of lecture series, all of them seemed to connect together and understanding one lecture was increased by understanding the rest.  As I have said before, if you are not interested in Buddhist philosophy, feel free to stop reading, of course if this was true, you'd have probably already have closed this entry and moved on to something else.  Anyway, I'm not going to recopy all my notes here.  I'd love to have a conversation with anyone interested... So here are a couple of ideas or concepts that were shared in the lectures.  I feel like the concepts are applicable in all faiths.  What I have found is that there are some conflicting understanding between various, religions, belief systems, philosophies and the like, but what I am finding in Buddhism is that many concepts are very useful, regardless, to attaining or maintaining a peaceful state of mind, which allows one to better understand, what ever religion or belief system they already follow.

One more pre-teaching and then I will start.  The Buddha Shakyamuni (born to earth as Prince Siddhartha) always first said to students.  Don't just follow my teaching on faith, consider it carefully, practice with it, debate it, question it.  If it makes sense than use it, if not, then leave it behind.  The intent in Buddhism is not to convert anyone away from anything, only to help beings find happiness.

So one of the teachings in my brief description:
One of the most interesting subjects that continuously came up during the lecture series was about translation.  I have read a few translations of a few teachings and often there are different words used for the same concept, of course at times the same word is used in different explanations.  What I became more familiar with was the limitations of the English language.  It is not that the language is completely incapable of sharing the concepts, but it often requires more understanding that just a word for word translation.  For example, there is a word in Sandskrit "Duhkha" often translated into English as "Suffering"  What I found is that this word, includes the concept of suffering but there is more to it.  It also means to not really experience things quite right.  For instance we may not experience our attachment to those that we "love" as suffering, but in fact this attachment is also "Duhkha", inhibiting us from a greater understanding of love with them or "unconditional" love.  So really, when the in the Four Noble Truths the first Truth is "The Truth of Suffering" It means something different that just saying, all life is suffering.  Not sure if that all made sense but the point is, we have to really consider when listening to a teacher, translated or not, making sure we understand the broader idea or concept, otherwise, we may misinterpret.

The teaching I want to share is that of 10 parts and I will go through it rather quickly.  In Tibetan Buddhism these are called "The six perfections" and "The four immesureables".

The six perfections are all practices to live your life with.  It is good to practice these six with the intention of sharing happiness with all living beings.  Not separating people and animals, not separating into friends, strangers and enemies, but practicing to benefit all of us to have happiness, because really that is what we all share in common, it unifies us all, wanting to be happy.

1. the practice of generosity - the intent and practice of giving material, protection, love, and teaching.
2. the practice of ethics - the intent and practice of not harming others
3  the practice of patience - the practice of maintaining an undisturbed mind in the face of a difficult situation.  Does this mean stand there and let the other man attack you, no, it does not mean stand idly by as something wrong occurs.  It means act, without anger, with clarity, stop the attack, defend yourself and others.
4. the practice of joyous effort - cultivating a mind that delights in doing virtuous actions.  These would be action that lead to the happiness of others.
5. the practice of concentration - develop one pointed focus in order to cultivate understanding of all these practices.
6. the practice of developing wisdom.  Developing a correct view of reality, undisturbed by afflictions of the mind (ignorance, attachment and aversion)

In the process of spiritual practice it is important to develop both wisdom and compassion, one without the other can lead to unintended outcomes.  Some intellectual people without compassion have done some terrible things in the world, and the same, some unknowing compassionate people may end up doing more harm than good if they don't do it wisely.

The four immeasurable:
1.Equanimity - maintaining an equal attitude toward everyone.  Eliminating attachment to friends, neutrality to strangers and aversion to enemies.  If we can eliminate this practice, realizing the unity among all people to be happy, we can work toward the benefit of all living beings.
2. Loving-kindness - the wish for all living beings to be happy
3. Compassion - the wish for all living beings to be free from suffering (duhkha)
4. Joy - being happy for others good fortune.  this one can be hard when you think you deserve it, possibly more, but cultivating this joy, for everyone, will help our minds find peace.

My experience with these practices and understandings is that they are all meant to be practiced by everyone, not only monks, nuns, or clergy.  They are practices that strive for more peace in the world.  It is easy for me to see practicing all of this with my family and friends, I can even imagine practicing it with strangers.  The hard part comes in the idea of practicing with our enemies, those that we think are not out for our happiness.  Understanding that it is their ignorance, their attachments and aversions, their deluded minds.  It is their deluded minds not them that we are perceiving as a threat, that all they want really, is what you want, happiness, this idea, for me changes everything.  With this understanding, I am able to wish that all beings find happiness.

That is one of the teachings, very paraphrased from the lectures.  Again this is out of context and the lectures surround this would help us all understand the intention and the motivation behind it all are very helpful, Explaining why it is that we might want everyone to be happy.

Analytical Meditation:
Analytical meditation sounds a bit funny when I think about how I try to let my mind grow calm and try to think at the same time.  I think the point is that I didn't have much of a concept of the practice before the retreat.  My confusion centered around this idea of clear minded, mind like a river, but think hard about something.  Is analytical meditation what it sounds like, just thinking about something?  At this point I have a small understanding of it, but it far exceeds this concept of thinking about something.  In this meditation, like mindfullness meditation, one  starts with the body, being in the body.  Next minutes of mindfullness meditation, single pointed, helps to focus the mind, preparing it for analytical meditation.  The difference that I am finding is that analytical utilizes an intellectual concept like duhkha (suffering), death, loving-kindness, compassion, aversion or attachment, bodhicitta (for the sake of others) and so on.  With that concept we develop the concept from something that we may intellectually understand in our brains and brings it to something we can understand in our hearts. 

For instance, we, in America, spend a lot of energy avoiding considering our death (something we will all definitely experience some day).  If we find a method to bring this concept, often scary in our brains, into our heart we may find freedom from the fear. Accepting that death is imminent for all of us, none of us are free from this process, is freedom to live. To know in our hearts that it is okay, then we haven't lost and we will not someday "lose", we have gained the experience of life, we may find change in the way we live if we choose to see things as they really are. 

What I am finding by meditating on my imminent death, is that it doesn't change the sadness that accompanies the process when a loved one dies.  The point is not to somehow avoid all feelings, the point to me is not to let our fears overshadow our lives and the tremendous benefit we receive from living. I am thankful for everyone I meet, my mother, my father, my family, my friends and it really is okay that at some point, they will die.  Someday, I will be most likely be sad, but I won't let that scare me into not ever letting anyone see my vulnerability. I don't know that I have "no fear" of death, it is a really unknown process to me.  But it is a good start to really living, to accept that death will come to this body.  I'm going off here on a subject a bit but, I am excited of this change in me.  Death should not be a concept that causes fear, instead, it should be accepted, in our hearts as a process of life, something unavoidable, a motivation, to live fully right now.

Okay, not sure if I have shared my understanding of analytical meditation completely, but I wrote what came up for me.  I actually have found myself smiling, when finishing a meditation on death, not that I want it to happen to anyone, just that it really feels like motivation for living to me.

Side note: as I sit here typing, I notice out the window, a woman washes dishes, another washes laundry, kids are playing, cows are pooping, and trees are rustling in the breeze while tiny birds dance in the branches, may they all have happiness in life. 


Lunch and Dinner:
Served in the same style as Breakfast, Lunch consisted of Rice, Dahl (lentils) and a vegetable dish, often fruit as well.  Dinner was Soup and Bread.  Simple means, always tasty.  Really, there was too much good food.  By dinner I often found myself eating, just because it was next on the schedule, not because I was hungry or felt I needed the nutrition.  As I move forward in life, I am trying to practice some restraint.  As one teacher said, we should not live to eat, but eat only to live.  It seems like a more healthy way of looking at it.  Another practice our meditation teacher brought to our attention is to practice putting the spoon down between bites. Don't rush the next bite, don't be attached to the spoon, enjoy the taste of the bite you have.  This for me was wonderful.  I try eating slowly in my life sometimes, but this practice really brought my mind into eating.  Try it if you want.

Discussion groups
Each day in the afternoon before tea time and after I finished my Karma Yoga toilet cleaning, we had our small group discussion.  This was included in the silent retreat because of it's effectiveness as a learning tool.  When we engage a new subject, a new idea, if we can use that idea within 24 hours, it is far more likely to stick with us long enough to really consider its validity for us.  In other words, if we don't take an idea that we hear somewhere in the world, and write it down, or talk about it, it will most likely leave us before we ever get the chance to investigate it.  Of course there are exceptions, but for most of us of average intelligence, it is true, we just most likely won't retain it.  So we broke our big group of 80 something people into groups of four to seven people I think.  My group was six people I think.  At the end of the morning lecture we would be given a series of questions, to get the group talk going, we could focus on those questions or talk about the lectures from the morning or the previous evening.

Sample questions:
Discuss some practical methods for dealing with anger and attachment in daily life.
What factors contribute to disturbing emotions entering our minds?
What can we do about these factors?
Does the Buddhist view of mind make sense to you? is it plausible or sensible?
What evidence would support or oppose the Buddhist view of mind?


This little group came from all over the world.  All were foreigners to India (American, Austrian, English, German...)  In some ways, for a westerner to try to understand a teaching from the east can be a little difficult.  Most western cultures in my opinion is more centered on the individual, almost, I am the center of the world, things happen outside me and cause me to have feelings and react.  A lot of eastern thought, and definitely Buddhism, does not see reality this way, and the philosophy focus on ones own control of their own mind, how feelings and emotions arise inside our mind and are not "caused" by outside influence.  It is hard for us I think to understand this big change in the philosophy of the nature of reality, this idea that things and people are not inherently separate.  This is whee talking about these concepts with a bunch of westerners was a treat.  By the way, I am a westerner, just to clarify.  I often view the world as an environment outside of me instead of an environment that I am part of.  We went round and round the table, talking about what confused us, what we thought and on and on.  The Buddhist view of the nature of reality, of emptiness, of inherent existence, these concepts are hard to understand.  It is said that to understand these concepts truly and function in the world as we know it takes an extremely strong mind.  In other words, it's difficult to wrap your mind around, and that is okay.  We all understand what we understand and that is fine, there are many ways to understand the world, many levels of understanding... 

It was also a crazy experience because 23 hours of the day, I was in silence, then suddenly, I threw myself into a debate/discussion.  It took me a while to get into it and definitely took me a while to draw back into myself and the internal work of the retreat.  I learned more about choosing what to say, how disturbing it can be to just be talking to fill the space.  I learned that when I don't take some much of my day with space filler, talking, watching TV, internet, if I give time to myself, days are so much longer.  I was very busy at the retreat, it was a full schedule that at times was difficult to fit in a time for a shower.  But I wasn't rushed.  I think that choosing not to fill in all the space of the day, may help us all slow our minds, and find a little more peace.


Ending comments about the retreat overall:
The retreat I might say was the best part of the "Year in the World".  Of course, I know now,  I can't say that because separating out a moment like that is not giving notice to the year of work of travel and focus that brought me to Dharamsala, and also the years that I have been alive and had the wonderful opportunity to learn and share this existence with everyone, including those of you reading this blog.  I have developed through just writing this blog.  It has been a wonderful opportunity for me to learn, in someways a very different opportunity that journalling to myself.  It doesn't matter if anyone read the entries, what I learned from was writing in the style that included others.  As I learn to view myself as not separate, I grow, that have lead up to this ten days.

The retreat I thought would be a period of reflection over the year.  didn't happen. I reflected over life, over my existence, what motivates me to do what I do, what is my intention, how do my actions affect me and others.  This goes beyond the last year, it goes beyond just my experience.

If We weren't leaving India, I would have started the next retreat, a week later.  The teachings of the Buddha, touch me.  The teachings I am finding lead me to be more compassionate with myself and intern I spread more love in the world.  My goal is not to turn everyone into Buddhists, it never has been and it never will be.  What I have learned from Buddhism, and what truth I want to spread, is that taking action for the sake of the happiness of all living beings, brings me peace.

The two teachers that taught the course were great, they were wonderful images of the Wing of Compassion and the Wing of Wisdom.

I am not sure if the retreat changed me, I had not great realizations that will blow your minds and cause the earth to shake, but I made progress, I think, hopefully, at developing my mind and learning more about how to spread loving kindness to the world, to everyone, everyone wants happiness.

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