Mike and Trace's big gay out

Trip Start Aug 11, 2009
Trip End Ongoing

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Where I stayed

Flag of United States  , Massachusetts
Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A short ferry ride from Boston in Cape Cod Bay lies Provincetown. Now if you're narrow-minded, ignorant or been in a coma for the last 20 years, or perhaps your idea of liberal is skipping church once a fortnight then this place might not be for you. But if you’re not fazed by 75 year old queens (or would they be queen mothers ?) belting out Sinatra classics on street corners, every tree limb, drain pipe or lamp post being adorned with rainbow flags or pink feather boas or men in skin tight white shirts regardless of their physical condition, then this place is just perfect. Picture perfect actually. The harbour is stunning and so are the surrounding beaches, walking trails and bike tracks, and let’s not forget the gorgeous clap-board and shingle sided houses. Not a brick structure in sight, but there is a gigantic granite tower in the centre of town to commemorate the pilgrims landing there.  Our B&B was also brilliant. It’s the first time on this trip that we were quite content just to sit on the deck outside our room, in the sun, having a chat and a beer with the other guests. It was called Dexter’s Inn if anyone ever finds themselves in P-Town.

As you might’ve gathered, Provincetown is a rather gay little village. Massachusetts was the first state to legalise gay marriages etc. I found it a little unnerving at first, but I soon started appreciating the lack of testosterone which made for a very relaxed and very happy environment.

So our very sunny days were spent walking on the beaches, hiking through the forest or biking around the peninsula from beach to beach on super-fast paved bike tracks. Just when we thought our Provincetown experience couldn’t get any better, we went whale watching. We should’ve known the day was going to be special because when we woke up the sky was blue, not a cloud in sight and more importantly, there wasn’t a breath of wind. We boarded The Portuguese Princess at 1:30 pm and set out to find some giants. The captain said it would take about an hour to get where we needed to be but that didn’t stop us from scouring the sea-scape looking for plumes or breaches or flutes.......we did see a seal, which popped up next to the boat briefly just to check what we were about and then scooted off to do sealy things I’d imagine. Soon after that we saw 3 other whale watching boats on the horizon and a few tell-tale black specks on the ocean surface. This was exciting enough.....but nothing compared to what lay in store for us. As we got closer so the black specks became bigger and bigger until eventually we were surrounded. Beautiful black and white (and frikken huge) Humpback whales glided through the water, breaking the surface with their massive backs followed by their fluted tails before diving down into the deep. They were swimming under our boat....there’s something breathtaking about seeing a full grown Humpback coming up under your boat and surfacing just meters away. All told we saw approximately 15 full grown whales six of which were with their calves. Trace and I have done some pretty cool things in our time but the whales, as far as I’m concerned, have to be pushing for top position on the list.

At one stage all the whales seemed to disappear and we thought we were going to head back to the harbour ,....but then , about 200 meters away we were privileged to see a full grown male breach the surface and come crashing back down into the water. The captain turned the boat around and we headed towards the playful whale. When we got alongside it we realised that there were two males, and I think they were having an argument. They were rolling onto their sides and sticking their 7 foot long fins into the air and slapping them down onto the surface of the water. This went on for about 5 minutes until they both dived and one took off on his own,... obviously the loser of the fin slapping contest. Or maybe one of them told a really funny joke and we had just witnessed the whale equivalent of thigh slapping? Who knows? Whatever it was in aid of, it was brilliant and I feel incredibly privileged to have experienced it first-hand.

Once we eventually started back towards the harbour, the captain mentioned that there had been a rare dolphin sighting earlier that morning and that he was going to try and find them for us on the way back. A blind man could’ve found them with his stick. I’ve seen my fair share of dolphin but I have never seen anything on this kind of scale. According to the naturalist on our boat there were about 200 dolphins in this pod. They were everywhere. Under the boat, next to the boat, riding the wake caused by the boat, jumping out of the water.....it was such a chaotic scene compared to the serenity of the whales we had just encountered.

Can I just distract you from our whale watching extravaganza to tell you about the fat cow sitting in front of me talking into her phone at the top of her voice. Show some consideration you cream tart gorging monster, we don’t care about the problems you’re having with your daughter. Aaaaaahhhh, I can’t believe she’s talking about being selfish. Wow, take a long hard look in the mirror. Lose some weight , be nice........get off my frikken bus.

I’m sorry, I forgot to mention that I’m currently on a bus run by a Chinese company. It’s called the Lucky Star Happy Fun Sun Bus....or something like that.

Back to the whales, and I don’t mean the one sitting in front of me. We noticed that whenever they dived, rings would appear on the surface of the water followed by a terrible stench. Our guide said the rings were caused by expelled whale breathe..............it’s not so cool.

Returning to town on an aquatic high, we had a few beers, some pizza, a few wines, some fudge, a pasta salad followed by a few more beers and wine and then we turned in for the night completely sated. The following day was spent walking along the beach again and drinking beer and eating pizza....um, again. We were both in agreement that we didn’t want to leave this place and our next stop, New York, held no real interest for us anymore. It’s tough being us.

 All I know is that next Friday, I’ll be home......that’s a very comforting thought indeed.

America: Big ideas and small print.
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