The greatest day of my life - I eat cereal

Trip Start Oct 19, 2007
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Flag of Brazil  ,
Saturday, December 1, 2007

I wake up around 2:00 or so.  I walk back to my apartment to get my beach shit as today is gorgeous and Buzios has sick beaches.  I chill at the beach till 5:00 or so as it starts to cloud up.  As I am walking I notice these two girls following me.  One looks pretty hot so I slow down and stop at a corner, take out my map and look at it pretending I donīt know where Iīm going, but I totally do and I take some stupid road just to see if theyīll follow.  The girls slow down as well and totally take the same road I just took even though I know itīs the wrong way.  See, girls here will do anything to get your attention but they wonīt talk to you.  Iīm walking like 10 paces ahead of them and still they donīt say a word to me.  I finally talk to them and the one is 18 years old and the other is 15, hah 15, holy shit.  Even 18 is a bit crazy considering Iīm 32.  They guess that Iīm 20.  Dude, it cracks me up, 99% of the people here think Iīm so much younger than I actually am.  Ohh, the other cool thing is that I have heard from at least 4 girls now that I have green eyes.  I guess maybe the sun and the beach and the water turn my eyes a greenish color.  Not sure.  When I look in the mirror at home (hostel, apt etc) though they look brown to me.  I never get comments on my eyes back in the US, but here it is fairly common.  I think Quin once told me my eyes turn greenish at times, but that is the only person I ever heard that from in the states.  So the 18 year old who speaks some English comments on my eyes stating that they are verde (green) and I want to comment on her nice ass and tits but I donīt.  My eyebrows are damn near blond now and all the hair on my arms are blond and my hair is the lightest it has been in 30 years (I finally look German, (I think Iīm 75% German)).  They live in Cabo Frio which is about 30k away and they have to catch a bus.  And yes, they totally walked the wrong way because now they have to backtrack to catch their bus.  I should have gotten the girlīs phone number but didnīt think about it.  They say that they will go to the same beach tomorrow.  Cool. 

I want to go to the grocery store again because I am determined to find milk and eat some fucking cereal for once, if for no other reason than to rub it in Terryīs face.  As I am walking I stroll through freshly laid cement.  Oh fuck.  They had a couple of chairs set up in front of the cement but I didnīt even notice as I was looking around and stuff.  I see there are three guys in a bar right where the cement is laid but they donīt notice that I walked through it, thank god.  I can only imagine the argument that would have ensued if they had noticed.  I walk a little faster then normal just in case one of them sees size 13 foot imprints in their previously perfectly laid cement and I need a head start.  I get to the grocery store and I FINALLY FIND MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!  This was the problem, the milk is just sitting on a shelf in a one liter box as opposed to sitting in a cooling unit in a plastic gallon carton.  I think a liter is 1/3 the size of a gallon.  So, apparently Brazil doesnīt like to sell cold milk.  This worries me a bit but if itīs good enough for Brazilians than surely itīs good enough for my ass.  So, I buy a couple liters of milk, some Sucrhillos and Iīm skipping all the way back to my apartment as happy as an HIV virus in Magic Johnson (possibly their most famous victim).  The bad part is that I have to wait for the milk to get chilled before I can scarf down the cereal.  This is one of the longest waiting episodes of my life, seriously.  Itīs tantamount to being a kid on xmas eve waiting for xmas to arrive.  I take a nap and when I wake up I experience one of the best moments of my life, I eat Frosted Flakes in Brazil, who would have thought this would ever have been possible.  This is possibly the culminating moment of all my experiences here in Brazil.  If you donīt know me very well, just know that I like kids cereal about as much as I like Danny Tartabull.  Wait, but if you donīt know me very well then you wouldnīt really know how much I like Tartabull or even who he is.  Ok, I like kidīs cereal about as much as Imelda Marcos likes shoes.  The funny thing is, I donīt really know how to open the milk so I just punch a whole in the box with a knife.  I assume this isnīt the correct way, but whatever it works. 

I almost donīt make it out as Iīm run down and hung over but itīs Saturday night and I have to go party.  I have a couple of drinks at a couple of random bars.  If you order a vodka tonic here, they fill your glass like 2/3īs full of vodka and then give you a can of tonic.  Which is kind of cool since itīs a lot of vodka but then you only need like 1/3 of the can of tonic which they charge you for separately.  I guess if you get more than 1 drink though itīs all good.  I donīt really meet anyone at these places so I head over to the club I went to last night.  Itīs pretty dead but itīs only 12:30 which is early for Brazil.  I pay the $30R cover but you get $10R of free drinks which is two beers.  So I knock out a couple of Skols at the bar waiting for the place to pick up.  And then bladaw, I see her walk in.  This pretty smoking chick and her 3 friends walk in and for some reason I know that the rest of my night is taken care of.  I think my confidence is at an all time high.  She walks by me on the way to the bathroom and sure enough, sheīs dope.  I figured she was about 22-24 as she was pretty tall and looked a little older than some of the 18 and 19 year olds I have met in clubs.  But girls tend to look older when they have makeup on and when they are in a fairly dark club (foreshadowing).  Sheīs dancing and I go up to her and say "Voce gusta musica Americano"  (do you like American music, my rendering of Portuguese probably isnīt quite right but close enough that she understands).  She says yes and then I say "Eu sol Americano" (I am American), pretty weak line, but with Portuguese and my feeble mind my options are limited.  She actually doesnīt seem too in to me at first so I go get another beer at the bar and then she comes over and starts talking to me.  She speaks no English which sucks, but Iīm used to it by now.  I end up dancing with her and trying to get in good with her friends (which is key to all chicks, especially brazilian chicks).  Her friends keep telling me to kiss her, but Iīm just like chill, you canīt rush game.  I found a little trick to see if a chick likes you, I say "Eu vou emoora (sp?)" which means I am leaving.  Sheīs like Nooo, donīt worry, Iīm just playing biatch, Iīm going to the bathroom.  After that, I knew I was in. 

Thing about kissing girls here.  People make out all the time here.  Itīs no big deal.  Well, it kind of is, because if you kiss a girl then for the most part, she is yours for the night.  But kissing a chick doesnīt necessarily mean sex and it means nothing come the next night.  In the US, kissing a chick is the hard part.  If they let you kiss them then lots of times theyīll let you fuck em.  Not so in Brazil.  People make out here more then Bill Gates made out with that Windows thing he invented. 

So anyway, we start making out like bandits.  I was totally right about people making out all the time here.  I actually get sick of kissing her and sheīs not that good of a kisser anyway.  Later I find out the reason why.  So I basically dance with Debora and her friends most of the night as they are a lot of fun.  Two of her friends pick up these two other guys and we all act like idiots.  We leave at some point to go to Deboraīs friendīs (Joana) house which is like a block away on the coolest street in all of Buzios.  This street runs right along the ocean and is full of super nice hotels, restaurants and bars/clubs.  Nobody lives in this house though, the girls just use it to preparty and to crash after drinking all night.  They all live in Cabo Frio (dude what is up with Cabo Frio, more hot chicks then a Victoriaīs Secret show) and come to Buzios on weekends to party.  I can only imagine what the real estate value of just the land is.  I get the feeling these 4 girls are very well to do.  Debora doesnīt even work or go to school.  She plays the sax in a band once in awhile and her parents just give her money, lucky.  We get to Joanaīs crib and drink up some shit.  The two dudes who the other girlīs picked up take a liking to me and we start to become buddies.  The one speaks ok english, the other none.  They were trying to talk to me in the club but I had no idea what they were saying, at least here in quieter surroundings I can make out some of what they say. 

Now that I am here in the light, I notice everyone looks a lot younger than I thought initially.  I think these girls are young as some still have some acne and the one dude and Amanda have braces.  Maybe they are like 19 or 20.  Everyone thinks Iīm 24 but that is only after I corrected (corrected is used loosely since my correction is still a lie) them when they all thought I was like 21.  We leave to go to another club which is super pimp but it has a $50R cover charge.  Suck me, $80R in cover charges in one night.  Stupid Buzios.  Debora and the two dudes tell me though that if I donīt have enough money not to worry about it theyīll pick up the difference.  Thatīs fucking cool as hell of them.  But I actually have enough, to my chagrin.  Thatīs good though, Debora could care less about my $, that is sometimes rare as chicks who see an American automatically see $ signs.  So we get to the club and the bouncer is questioning Deboraīs ID.  Thatīs weird.  I say to her, what the hell, they donīt think you are 18?  And she puts a finger to her lips.  Oh no.  Oh shit.  Oh fuck.  Yep, fake ID, sheīs only 17.  Hah, fucking 17.  The good thing is I realize I can still totally go on springbreak and pass for a college student or at least a grad student.  My hair is really long for me, I wonder if that has something to do with why everyone thinks I look young.  They finally let her in and as I am walking to the bathroom I start cracking up.  I mean, 17, are you kidding me, this is absolutely insane.  Iīm damn near twice her age.  But, I figured I already made out with her for like 2 hours, so fuck it now, may as well ride this night out.

So at the club the one dude with braces who was previously hanging out with Joana and who I think looks up to me for whatever reason goes to the bathroom and when he comes back Joana is totally making out with someone else.  Joana btw started chugging vodka straight from the bottle at her house in between clubs and is a complete mess.  Anyway, braces is pissed off and he storms off but comes back in like a minute.  He stands right next to me like he wants me to get his back and he keeps clenching his fists and looking at me.  Dude, what do you want me to do, Iīm not going to fight that highschool kid because heīs making out with your chick.  Plus, I figure, fuck that, this could be good.  So heīs pumping himself up and I just know heīs gonna lose it any second and then he tosses his head back and chugs his drink like heīs a bad ass, but the thing is he didnīt chug a beer or whiskey or something like that, no he chugged a fucking Smirnoff Ice, this cracks me up.  Way to look tough dude.  I mean this would be like Ice Cube promoting Zima instead of St. Ides.  He goes up to the guy and pushes the fuck out of him and a minor brawl insues but the bouncers break it up rather quickly and braces gets tossed out of the club.  Hah, good stuff.  Dance with Debora most of the night but everyone once in awhile I have to find an excuse to leave because she keeps making out with me for like 10 minute intervals and Iīm starting to get dehydrated cuz all my saliva is being used up.  I donīt even like kissing chicks.  If kissing didnīt lead to humping a girl, seriously, why would you ever kiss them.  Maybe if you were in love or something. 

We leave and the sun has already came up and we all chill on along the beach for a couple of hours.  Two of the girls get in a boat and I throw a huge rock in the water right next to the boat and they get soaked.  We all have a bunch of fun and the whole experience takes me back to my highschool days.  The girls are all super cool and they are so much fun because they act like highschool kids, maybe because they practically are.  They act immature and stuff but thatīs why they are such a good time, they have no inhibitions and I have to remind myself what it was like to be 17 and 18 years old.  The one girl (Amanda) acts as a translator as she speaks very good english and me and her end up becoming pretty good friends.  Debora and I chill on the wall lining the beach joking around as much as possible considering the language barrier.  We go back to Joanaīs and I end up falling asleep on the couch in Deboraīs lap.  I end up going home around 9am and Debora tells me she likes me a lot, but you know this is doomed from the get go. 

Anyways, what a great day.  One of the best I have had and most of my days here are pretty awesome.  And for all of you out there judging me, well if you are a guy - Fuck off - youīd do it too and if you didnīt then you are a homo.  To the women, well, itīs not like I slept with her and I didnīt know she was 17 until much later.  Plus in brazil you see older dudes with much younger chicks all the time.  So you know, When in Rome (finally this phrase works to my advantage). 

Fin
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Comments

dwg83
dwg83 on

Stereotype
I remember one of your first blogs where you said a girl was surprised by you and totally ruined her stereotypes about american men. Well my friend, you are fueling that stereotype now! Nice work! Here is a language lesson if you need to tell someone off 'Vai tomar no cu' means something like 'Go take it in the ass'

therican
therican on

Keep on Trekkin'
You should consider a career as travel journalist. Your stories are HILARIOUS, Infotaining,(is that a word?) and Real as a Mutha Fukka !
Now, that I have been sincere and swollen your head,
carry on white boy.

PS- You are right. The age difference taboo only exist in North America and Europe. It's all good in that part of the hood

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