Fear and loathing....

Trip Start Oct 11, 2007
Trip End Nov 11, 2009

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Flag of China  ,
Friday, October 26, 2007

i spent another sleepless night in china. the anxiety of my move was eating a pit in my stomach. moving or the fear of the unknown always does that to me. no matter how many times i do this, it never gets easier.

but luckily the chinese don't let you sleep in. you're either awaken to the sounds of jackhammers or the sound of pissed-off chinese people screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. what are they screaming about, you ask. i have no fucking clue. i just know it's always too early in the morning for all that.

but i've been doing good. i'm usually in bed around 10 or 11 and up around 6 a.m. like clockwork. like a grandma.

the chinese beds don't really allow you to sleep in either. the mattresses are hard as a rock and the pillows are as thin as the mattress. i can't wait to hit up ikea and get my therapeutic contour pillow. yes, i know i'm spoiled but anything else and my chiropractor wouldn't approve. :)

*sigh* i miss my friends. like really miss y'all's voices. it's bizarre how time seems to stand still over here. i feel like i've been here forever! and america or HOME is just a distant memory. if not for the familiar accents at work and at justin's, i would suffer so much from homesickness. i know in wuhan, it would only get worse.

i gotta stop thinking like this. i've been reading a great book called eat, pray, love which is an inspiring book that's made me realize certain things about what i've been doing.

unconsciously, the last two years in boston were answering the question: who am i now? my almost year and a half in china will now answer the question: where did i come from? and the rest of my life will answer where am i going i guess. hehe.

ok, maybe not but i do feel like i'm on a spiritual journey. i'm tired of the superficiality of the consumer society that produced me, and i'm ready to see more. my eyes were opened from katrina, and they can't close now.

so when justin and diana were talking to me about wuhan, they made me swore that i'll come back. even if i do meet my soul mate there. (note, fair reader, that will be another entry. exclusively on my idea of soul mates. and society's idea of soul mates.) apparently, they're looking for managers to help them open up some new centers, and they're interested in offering me one of those positions. i told them about my plans for grad school but said i'd think about it. teaching kids for the rest of my life? can i do it? well, better question: do i want to do it?

i'll be flying from wuxi to wuhan. so i'm excited about checking out the chinese planes and seeing if their seats, food and service are better than what we get. i just hope they don't expect me to speak chinese to them.
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