Take a Biatch to Queens Muther ............

Trip Start Aug 04, 2011
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Trip End Jan 04, 2012


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Flag of United States  , New York
Saturday, December 31, 2011

As we walked along 23rd Street away from the boat the clock passed 3am. New York Streets are still as busy as the day time with the added bonus that nobody seems to be able to walk in a straight line. The colour of the language has also become slightly more blue. As we wait at a crosswalk a couple are discussing getting a cab home and while the man tries to stop a cab she screams at the top of her voice "Take a bitch to Queens Mother F*****!" We are well and truly in New York on New Years Eve. And this woman screaming onscenities right next to my ear has topped off a below par experience. On the plus side I am now very much approaching sober and Kate is also a lot chirpier and better company than she has been. The people generally on the streets are very friendly and in good spirits and we both get to sleep quickly even though we have to put up with a girl screaming to orgasm in one of the adjacent rooms and the two Australians getting in a bit later than us and discussing their pursuits loudly before they also quieten to sleep.

We left the hotel at about 8.30pm. We had preloaded slightly on the basis that the boat doesn't board until 9.45pm and it's new years eve so what the hell. We got to the port on time and queued up next to some loud American girls who were quite amusing I guess. We discussed all important things English and American, The Queen and Food. I found it very amusing when they all said one after the other how much they would love a Queen to which I responded "You would have done if you hadn't kicked us out". It's amazing how much the Americans love the royal family; maybe it's some form of long term guilt or something.

We were late in boarding and Kate was continually whining in my ear about how much she needed the toilet. She had been especially chirpy up till then and I hadn't done the maths properly in realising she had managed to already drink the equivalent of about 5 shots of liquor. It's ok though, there was food on board and she hadn't drunk anything for quite a while.

Right, eventually we boarded - about 30 minutes late. We queued for a drink, we queued to hang up the coats, we queued for the toilets. The boat was busier than it should have been. You could move about and everything but it was extremely difficult to get one of the 'open bar' drinks and the boat was full more than the 250 suggested maximum. We spent some time talking to an American older couple and had a couple of the drinks using Kates skill of being a queue jumping English and sliding her way to the front. She 'tipped' the bar man a whole dollar to enable her to get my drink as well and then boasted of her exploits to the older American gentleman sat with us. He looked peturbed that he had just tipped the barman $10 to get the same result. Cheap English.

All was good really, we didn't need to drink anymore; the food was a bit of a disgrace in that there was barely any and the bar service was next to terrible but we were in good spirits. Approaching 12, Kate and I went up on top and found a spot to watch the fireworks. Pretty impressive and an amazing few moments standing on a boat in the middle of the Hudson River overlooking Manhattan at New Years Eve. Wow - what a great year. It was pretty cold, but we hugged, we kissed and we took some photos. Happy New Year.

A couple of minutes later I noted Kate was a bit quiet. She wanted to go back downstairs to sit down. This does not look good.
For the next 30 minutes I sat quietly next to Kate as the music blared out and she looked queasy as. She managed to get herself through the queue of the toilet to be sick a little and then we went up top to catch some air and wait out the rest of the trip. I had to argue with the coat staff to get our coats because they weren't giving them out. I threatened them with a girl being sick and they gave me our coats. It was freezing but it was better standing on top where the noise wasn't blaring out.
We both stood quietly for a while and then Kate had to return to the toilets. She was ill again and managed to get herself called a crack whore by some New Yorker who thought Kate was probably sniffing up at the sink when she was actually trying to gather together some of the mess she had made to make the toilet experience a bit more pleasant for the other revellers. She was not having a good time.

Meanwhile I was one of the only people up on top. I was stood towards the front of the boat in a position sheltered from the cold wind. I noted a girl approaching me and asking me if I worked here to which I replied no. She quickly noted my English accent and said because I was English I would be nice and help her. I didn't like the sound of this. She said the queues below were terrible and would I mind holding her party hat while she squatted a metre away.
"I ain't helping you, but I'll hold your hat - it's got nothing to do with me love but you're just pure class".
"Aww thanks" was her reply as she pulled down her trousers and squatted on the top deck of the Paddle Queen and relaxed. I walked away to make sure I wasn't seen to be with this woman.

I don't blame her really because the queues were terrible but at the same time I felt guilty for enabling this girl a little. I then found myself warning people that they might not want to stand there as a girl had just taken a leak there - my night just gets better.

Eventually Kate returned a little better than she was. It was now 2am and we should have been back in port. If Kate hadn't been ill though I would have been seriously pissed off if we returned at 2 because we left so late in the first place. Annoyingly the boat arrived 30 minutes later to make up for it and so we had to stand in the cold a little longer.
In the meantime Kate managed to get herself into a near scuffle with another New Yorker girl who felt Kate was trying to jump the coat check queue. I expect Kate's state meant she pushed her way through slightly which didn't agree with this girl's personal space issues and the girl had to be held back from her friend to prevent fisticuffs. Kate informs me that she could have had her.

So, we paid about 200 quid for the two tickets. We spent the day looking for some shoes to go with Kates dress that she ended up not wearing because it was wobbly on the boat- no kidding. Kate pulled her tights within about 5 minutes of being on board and had to take them off meaning she was colder than she was. She drank too much and admits it (which doesn't happen often). The queues were ridiculous, there wasn't enough bar staff, there weren't anywhere near enough toilets and we didn't actually board until 10.15pm meaning we had stood out in the cold waiting for well over an hour. On the plus side we could have been standing in Times Square for 12 hours unable to drink. unable to have a pee (because they don't allow you to return to your spot) and shoulder to shoulder with a million other people that probably all need to pee desperately.

It's not that New Years Eve in New York is overated, but the effort we went to to get ready for this was so not worth it for what is really a celebration of the passing of time. It seems appropriate that 5 months ago we were in Shanghai wondering what a nightmare this travel was going to be just after some locals had tried scamming us in the Tea shop fiasco. Since then we have had 5 brilliant months where nothing really has gone wrong,, it's all gone our way somehow.

I had depressingly said to Kate that it could be the start of a bad year for us and this was just the beginning but have concluded it's more likely to be the start of another great year which will just keep getting better from this low starting point. So Cheers to 2012.

We have discussed staying in and watching NYE all on TV next year. If we do go out, Kate is designated driver though. - Agreed.
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