Party Island of the Devil of the Death...

Trip Start Apr 29, 2006
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Trip End Ongoing


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Thursday, August 24, 2006

I first realised that Ios wasn't going to entirely be my thing when I saw a funnel. That's right - a funnel. Those devices perfectly designed for the express consumption of beer. Twisted around a guy's head, wearing it like a hat. Now, as much as I enjoy a drink - a fact certainly not lost on those performing skits at the SSO winter dinner - I feel, at this stage in my life, that I'm just a little past the old funnel, the last funel sighting being at a legendary Saganschneider party last millenium.

The first time it was confirmed that Ios would be a bit of a struggle was when I saw my accommodation. I hesitate to describe it as a box, because boxes everywhere may be offended by this comparison. But generally speaking, it is a box of the lowest order, a canvas roof, a piece of shit bed, no linen nor electricity, small such that even an articled clerk would complain if it were his or her office. Oh- and so fucking hot. And at the top of the biggest hill in the entire world. And having had the privilege of an immediate comparison last night, i can say without any doubt that bed bugs are infinitely worse than mosqitoes. What I want to know is, if indeed your bed is infested with bed bugs - in response to the classic tucking in phrase 'good night, don't let the bed bugs bite' - how can they be stopped? I used to think that bed bugs were something made up to scare children, like the bogeyman or cliff richard, buit now my scars testify to the unbelievably itchy and horrific reality. Bed bugs? Fucking killing me.

I first realised that Ios wasn't going to be cheap when I saw the sign advertising happy hour cocktails for 6 euro. And indeed, this impression of Ios continued throughout my stay, most notably with the 1 euro / 15 minute internet, the 6 euro hire for a beach deck chair and the charge of 3 euro per bowl of steamed rice at this random thai place. The last mentioned of these I indulged in twice, to satisfy a rice craving that had been developing for some time and may even have featured in a previous Top 5. And for the record - dominated the rice.

Ios is a party island. Plain and simple. The party island of Greece in fact. Everything is entirely geared towards drinking, partying and maybe just a bit more drinking. Indeed, there are packs of yobbo Australians, Kiwis, Italians and Spaniards and, of course, Greeks here for precisely that. Funnel is exhibit A. This is schoolies almost 10 years on, make no mistake - featuring only those that have yet to pass the immediate post-school mind set. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I haven't really been up for it in Ios, joining in with the crowd made all the more difficult when you have a natural inclination to be condescending to yobbo Aussies or their international equivalents. It's hard to take people seriously, nor make any effort with conversation whatsoever when someone says to you that they haven't read the Da Vinci Code yet because 'Mum's still got the illustrated version and I don't think I'd get it otherwise'. What? She would have done Kath and Kim proud. So, lacking both the funds and inclination, there has been no partying on Ios.

In fact, there's been very little of anything on Ios. I've done nothing. I've sat a bit - sometimes in the schorching sun, generally in the shade. I've had a bit of a swim in both pool and ocean. And read. THe whole setup, especially at Milopotas beach where I was based, is like a resort - reminding me of Bali as the only other real resorty place I've ever been. Pools and bars set up only metres from the sandy beaches where hawaiian style umbrellas form interesting geometric patterns. In fairness to Ios, it is a beautiful island. THe main town of the island, Hora, in particular, is set on the steep slopes near the port, featuring beautiful, narrow and windy paths, and classic greek blue and white buildings. Terribly photogenic. One afternoon's walk through the town was undoubtedly the highlight of Ios.

Ios? Well, substance there is not, nor should I expected there to be. After a few days here, it's fair to say: Ios? Over it.

So to the top 5. well, of course, a place like Ios means meat market. Unfortunate. However, the upside has been overhearing many classic pipck up lines. Here are some of the best.

5. My name's Tom - wanna go at it?
4. My name's Tom - I just did 8 funnels in 1/2 an hour - wanna go at it?
3. Is my very very tight and small european swinwear turning you on?
2. You're hot. No. Not you. You. You're hot.
1. Yeah - I got what was going on even without the illustrated version.

Santorini it up...
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