Mom, don't read this one!
Trip Start Dec 13, 2004
70Trip End Ongoing
Map your own trip!
Show trip route
This might not seem like anything out of the ordinary. This in fact, is something that you most likely assume every time you see my name in your inbox and open my travelpod. But this week being alive is something that seems altogether much more exciting. You may wonder why. Let me share.
Okay, sit back and imagine something for me. I want you to conjure up an image in your head. Are you sitting down? Are you thinking hard? K, now think stereotypical Italian guys with fast cars. (got an image? you know... the tight white shiny jackets, the fancy gadgets, the "bella, bellisima, i love you baby" type of guys?) Now think German Autobahn..................... got it??
Made the connection yet????? Holy f#@*ing hell!!!!! I don't want to make my Mom throw up, so perhaps I should lie... but no, I'll just be straight up about it.... 230km/h!!!!
I have never been so terrified in my entire life. It was the most surreal experience. For some reason I was the one who got the "priveledge" of riding in the two seater Mercedes 5 something blah blah, really fancy sports car convertible, for the hour long drive home. And Bruno, my driver, put on some really cheezy music, but SO loud that I thought my head was going to explode! I would have had to literally smack him to yell for him to turn it down. I just sat there and tried to zone out. I sat upright, my feet on the floor, constantly testing my seatbelt, which in all reality would have been nothing more than some charred plastic in the event of an accident. It still felt nice to check it obsessively though. We were reaching G-force speeds. I kept thinking that there was no way that we could go faster, but then it was 150 and then 175 and then 200 and you know the rest!! At about 190km/h I had a really terrifying realization.... on the German Autobahn, there IS NO speed limit!!!
I'm not the religious type, but it was my Mom's birthday and I prayed the entire way home that I would live to see the first day of her new year. The speed, the music, the huge windscreen and our low proximity to the ground seriously made me feel like I was in some crazy video game with the volume on full. My hand was gripped around the door handle like a vice and my entire body was pouring sweat into his excessively expensive leather seats. This was partly from fear, but also enhanced by the overly hot neck heater that was heating up my necklace and burning my neck. At one point I thought to myself, "at least if I die, I will die with a very warm neck".
What was almost more unbelievable was that the family-style Audi that Nicole, Anna and the rest were in was driving pretty much as fast the entire way! I couldn't decide whether this made me feel better or worse. At first, as our speed increased stupidly, I thought that Bruno was so upset by having me put in his car instead of Nicole who he had taken quite the fancy to, that he was willing to kill us both to punish me, for well, being me. So, I suppose the equal speed of the other car was reassuring in that I didn't think that he had gone completely pyschotic with passion and rage and was willing to sacrifice both of our lives in his mad frenzy. No, I realized as they whizzed down the autobahn, this was just how fast they always drive. Very. Scary. Thought!!!
The good news: I am still alive. So is Nicole, Anna and all the Italians. But I am not proud of my ability to sit there, frozen with fear, but burning with neck heat letting the gas pedal stay pressed to the ground. In another event such as this, I will unglue myself from the sticky leather, reach across, smack him hard across the face, turn down the music and pry his foot from the ground! I have lived and I have grown. Never again. Never, ever again!