Magic Kingdom–The Kids Save the Day
Trip Start Sep 12, 2009
14Trip End Sep 19, 2009
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We had early kitchen duty at the Empire's Crystal Palace. We woke up early to do the customary morning ritual: Imperial coffee in the Imperial mug and watching the Imperial animals.
Then we had to wake up the poor kids and dragged their behinds to the Magic Kingdom…because that is what to be expected from an Imperial slave…no days off…no vacations…ever!
We took some pictures in an empty park…in case we don't see each other again…which is very likely because today we are going to serve Pooh, Protector of the Empire, and his court…an assignment which will surely end in one or more of us…perhaps all…mauled to death
As we stood in line at the Crystal Palace…shaking in fear…Jakey suddenly noticed Tigger the Terrible inside…his excitement grew as he proclaimed "Tigger, Tigger".
Oh, the innocence of childhood…we couldn't bear...or is it bare...I'll go with bear, just to be safe...anyway...we couldn't bear to tell him what horrors await.
As we were escorted…to what we expected to be the kitchen…we were diverted to a table with full view of the castle.
Could it be the Princess Cinderella is keeping a grudge?
After all we did manage to get out of the royal kitchen duty from under her nose not once, but twice!
Did Cinderella ordered the Protector to maul us to death in front of a full view of the castle…so she cold enjoy the scene of carnage?
She could…I wouldn't put anything past a woman who treats her beloved step-family the way she did.
But the Quarrelsome Quartet of Pooh, Protector of the Empire, Tigger the Terrible, Piglet the Procrastinator and "Eagle Eye" Eeyore took their time. We got served our drinks quickly…must be because the Quartet like their food juicy..
At first to visit our table was "Eagle Eye" Eeyore, who must have lost his appetite when Jakey insisted he was a "horse" and led the kids in a parade – obviously to gain his appetite back.
As fans of classic literature... visions of the Pied Piper of Hamlin ran through our heads... and we breathed a sigh of relief when our kids were returned. However, not true to his nickname "Eagle Eye" proceeded to the next table.
We were spared the horror which is known as Eeyore and were allowed to live a few more moments.
Next came Piglet the Procrastinator – sharp fangs and a corkscrew tail which could puncture a battleship. True to form Jakey saved us again by brazenly and bravely chewing on pieces of bacon one after the other until the pig couldn't stand it anymore (which pig I’m talking about remains to be seen) and left us alone.
Good job brave Sir Jacob.
However what happened next no-one could predicted, our table was visited by Tigger the Terrible – Terror of the Monorail. Our sweet Jakey was immediately enamored by the beast and gladly entered its claws.
The beast must have been as surprised as us…or maybe impressed by Jakey's past and present acts of bravery…and let him go.
We were shocked as we already started to mourn the tike.
But they left the worst for last –The Lord Protector of the Empire, Minister of Conquest and all around cuddly bear – Pooh!
We, again, looked at Jakey to save us all.
Using the tactics he perfected meeting Tigger the Terrible, Jakey attacked the gruesome bear with his charm and cuteness. Pooh was caught off guard and in his confusion and amazement led the kids, again, in a cheerful parade around the room to entice his appetite…so they’ll be tasty.
We didn’t wait to see what would happen; we grabbed our kids and left the Crystal Palace relieved and singing praise of Brave Sir Jacob to the tune made famous by an entrepreneurial and beloved young lady of years ago – Cruella DeVill.
As we left we, thought we heard an anguish scream of frustration and disappointment coming from the top floors of the infamous Imperial fortress.
Learning our lesson from days of yore we headed straight to Ariel’s grotto in order to pay our respects to the siren before she devour us whole
We let the kids blissfully play in the splash ground while we stood in line trying to figure out a plan – alas no plan was formed in we were called in to the cave of the enchantress.
We expected a vile smell of human carcasses and dead fish, but to our surprise the cave was clean with the Ariel sitting on a rock, her fins intact and eyes glowing of maternal warm…to soften the flesh of little children.
What is now seen as a blessing from heaven, Bella & Jakey must have worked up a plan in the splash-ground because they turned up the charm and the one who has sunk many massive ships before has seemingly forgotten her devious plans and simply let us walk away.
Next we went to pay our respects to newest Imperial royalty – the Ferocious Fairies. Many Imperial slaves must have had the same thought because we stood in line for an hour, happily I might add, watching Imperial propaganda on a huge screen.
We had to check our calendars to make sure we didn’t go back in time to 1984...because of the propaganda...on the huge screen.
As we entered the room, we were told by an Imperial Donald Doctor...or is it Quack Doctor...I'm not sure...anyway, we were told that we will now be deformed to the size of a mere 5 inches as to not overshadow the Ferocious Fairies
However, this Frankensteinian process went through relatively painless, and only deformed myself…but I have lived a full life and G-d was gracious enough to give me a spare foot and nine spare fingers.
We paid our homage to the mighty fairies and fearlessly walked through the transformation hallway to regain our original size... even though I would have liked another inch or two...for the glory of the Empire.
To celebrate a joyful return to our proper size we honored the Empire by buying Isabella princess Minnie ears, Jakey a Buzz Lightyear hat, a picture frame and a magnet.
Simple joy as we felt today cannot be measured or described – the sweet smell of flowers at Mickey’s Country House or the cake baking in the oven at Minnie Mouse’s Country House were enticing as ever as we headed to Toontown Fair. The kids enjoyed the Imperial Summer Palaces and we enjoyed the “puns” which the Mouse Overlord has inserted into them…who knew such a serious rodent has a sense of humor…maybe he’s not that bad after all
Bella and I have decided to offer ourselves to Goofy the Guard dog by being subjected to his malevolent torture device known as the “barnstormer”. A death trap car which tries to destroy one’s soul by throwing them into dangerous curves and hills – for a whole 30 seconds.
While we were risking our lives, Cheri & Jakey were getting fitted in sailor outfits to be a part of the crew of the “Miss Daisy”, Chairman Duck’s boat – only to be booted out due to Jakey’s love of bacon and inappropriate remarks about “Eagle Eye” Eeyore previously.
Narrowly escaping with our lives…again…we quickly ducked into the Imperial train to the main gate and made our escape (with almost all fingers and toes accounted for) to the lodge.
After a refreshing dip in the Imperial watering hole and a restful afternoon…for which thank the Empire to this day– we quickly got back to the Magic Kingdom for a sweet surprise.
As it happened, I arranged with the “powers that be” to be slaving away at the Wishes Dessert Party – and maybe even hope to view the fireworks from the terrace – however I could not divulge the surprise yet.
We ate dinner at Casey’s Corner - hot dogs & fries for all, while an Imperial Pianist played a magical piano that forced our children to dance like monkeys for others to be entertained...because that is what to be expected from an Imperial slave…no days off…no vacations…ever
We made our way over to Tomorrowland’s Terrace were we checked in and got our Imperial bracelets. We were escorted over to the dessert buffet where a whole bunch of delectable delights were in reach…yet ...so far.
The torture the Empire puts us through has no bounds!
There were chocolate covered strawberries, canoles, various cheesecakes, tarts, brownies, cookies, truffles and the all enticing…Pistachio Crème Brulee; as well as coffee, tea, milk, various juices and, of course, chocolate milk.
And…to enhance our torturous servitude this was a buffet.
Yes, you read right…A DESSERT BUFFET…all desserts, none of that “good for you” stuff which ruined so many delicious meals.
We were escorted in and immediately went to see which trays need to be replaced only to see the Imperial staff whispering and cowering in horror. The were looking at our direction but they couldn’t be talking about us…the harmless soon-to-be-Imperial-slaves.
Not at all of us…they have heard of Bella & Jakey’s acts of bravery and valor throughout the day – the way they defeated Pooh's Quarrelsome Quartet, outwitted the Sea Witch Ariel and survived the Fairies Hallway of Horrors
Up until now they thought rumors of our adventures were part of the Rebel Forces Anti-Imperial propaganda or simply pure fiction such the legends about a Benevolent Dentist - Savior of Sea Life, or Brave Gaston - Protector of Villages, or Santa Sid - Fixer of Toys, or ...an African American President.
We were escorted to a honorary table and told to eat as our heart desires.
Boy did we eat... and then we ate some more.
At last the fireworks started and we got a celebratory and congratulatory prime spot right next to the railway...the party was also pretty empty so that might have been the cause as well.
However, we had one more hurdle to pass - at the beginning of the fireworks the Imperial forces sent an Imperial scout in the form of Tinkerbell to smoke out the new Imperial enemies.
We nervously watched the beautiful fireworks and breathed a sigh of relief when they were over without incident
As we were leaving, I heard an Imperial Henchman whispering “PSSSTTTT”, and was suddenly thrust into a dark corner on the side of the bridge connection TomorrowLand and the main plaza.
What I heard put darkness upon me as if I was lost in the killing fields known as the “Hundred Acres Woods”.
“Beware the 17th of September” said the Imperial soothsayer, “where you will do battle with some of the Empire’s most sinister forces in a land named after a city of sin”.
He must have been talking about Hollywood Studios – a park renamed to forget the grandeur of yesteryear.
“Who should we prepare for?” - I asked.
“The Freighting Five” – he said has he backed away into the darkness.
The Freighting Five, as we all know consist of:
Commander Lightyear – General of the Imperial Clone Army
Sheriff Sinister - A law enforcer gone astray (legend has it he is Pinocchio reincarnated as he is supposedly made out of “wood”),
The “I”s - Two red elastic wearing domestic super powered beings whose name invokes such fear that they are never mentioned
And the most sinister of the Freighting Five – the Imperial Janitor
At this point I was covered with cold chills; when Cheri asked me what was wrong, I told her about the conversation with the Imperial soothsayer when I noticed that she is slowly backing away.
“All I heard was 'fresh hot popcorn’” - she said.