UK Trip Part 1

Trip Start Sep 12, 2005
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28
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Trip End Ongoing


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Flag of United Kingdom  ,
Tuesday, August 14, 2007

WE SURRENDER
 
On behalf of the united armies of Coldstream, BC, Canada, we surrender to the great nation of India.
 
After an intense battle of 5 days and 5 nights, Colonels Childs and Childs surrender to the great Rogan Josh garlic nans, pilau rice and extra popadoms.  We tried our very best to do two full weeks of curry but alas, it wasn't meant to be.  We tried, god we tried.  We thought we were off to a good start when we got a curry on the plane out.   The downward spiral started when Elaine started parping at the wedding during the ceremony.  Not good when the average age at the wedding was 70.   (Note to readers - stats skewed by Richards Grandma who is 98 + I'm crap at maths.....)
 
So we arrived at Manchester airport to be met by the delightful Sarah in a Jag no less.  We arrived at Nora's (mum in law).  Problem number 1.   I needed a shave and left everything at home.  One of my nest friends is getting married.  Dilema - to use or not to use Nora's 7 year used Bic Razor.  You have to do what you have to do.  It may have seen some serious leg action and god forbid some Brazillian but I did what it takes.  Richard Fowler - all I can say is that I took one for the team.
                         
So - we arrived at the wedding with 5 mins to spare, we still had to get changed... Dilemma number 2.  The hotel receptionist.  How do you tell her that she's being a twat in a nice constructive way?  Are you with the wedding party?  Yes.  Oh the wedding that's due to start in 5 mins?  Yes, Would you like a newspaper in the morning? Would you like a wake up call? Erm no, one of my best friends is getting married and I plan to get mullered.   Would you like .... NO I NEED TO GO NOW.  She got the message.
 
So Sharon, top bird.  Fran (Sharons daughter) very nice.  Richard has done himself proud.  We can't wait to get them all over to Canada.  Sharon's parents were the typical Scot family very amorous to strangers and very tight on the purse strings.  How the hell they got drunk without spending a penny I'll never know
 
This brings me to M and Q aka Maureen and Chas.  I've always considered them the parents I never had.  Lovely folk.  Shame we couldn't spend more time with the whole bunch.
 
So, next it was off to Leeds Castle to meet with Bowes family.  Yes the very same family as the Queen mum and they are related!  Over to Elaine for that one.      
 
Well it was the first time we had seen Caz and Wiz since we left each other outside my mums house in September 2005, crying!!.....Since then they had moved to the Turks and Caicos, got pregnant, moved back to the UK and had a delicious ickle baby. Thankfully, absolutely nothing had changed, Caz is still bonkers and we still cried to see each other!!
 
Leeds Castle ( if you have never been there) is fab.... Henry VIII had some scran there once, so its well worth a visit. Good to see when Caz got arsey with the tourists, that motherhood hasn't really changed her...Phew....
 
After the blast of history that I have missed since moving to Canada, it was off to Greenwich to eat curry. Our first bona fida English curry.....blisss.............
 
The stay with Caz and Wiz was far too short and it was then off to Reading to see Rich and Eva ........ Baby Visit No 2........
 
Well Richard and Eva haven't changed at all.  Apart from I noticed that Eva had enormous knockers!   Well she has just had a baby.....J
 
I ended up playing golf Army style with our good friends - Paul D, Steve F, Richard K.
Bloody disaster, Richard gave me golf clubs from the first world war.  It turns out they are clubs that he found over the past 25 years.  Not one club was the same.  Some were wood shafts, he even tried to give me lefties + wooden shafts.   Good old Rich.
Twas good to see some of our Oracle friends including Sandra Cheetham, co blimey, she's still a fox J   Good to see Daryl, Sofie, Dougie, Stevie, Paul, Hils, Georgie, Mark, and of course Ricardo!
 
It's always been the same, the support folk are the best, shame no one from Sales could make it.  Fickle that sales lot! 
 
That night we had a curry...  problems getting worse..... Elaine starts cramping, I start passing fluids out of all the wrong holes.....
 
Onto Brum land where our good friends Nick and Claire put on a fantastic spread and as ever the best hospitality that you could hope for.  Little William is adorable.  Can't imagine he has much connection to Nick! J
 
Nick organised a really special adults day out...... West Midlands Safari Park..... Karma is a good thing. Nicks lovely Audi is now covered in Giraffe and Camel spit. Also, Nicks pants need a good washing (if you know what I mean) after being chased along the kids train by a pack of scary llamas. To be honest, Id rather be chased by a pack of hungry llamas that a pack of Brummies.
 
After the trip we naturally had a curry at the Bilash. We had been dreaming about their peswahri naans for months, so it was nice to get our hands on one. Emiel, our very tall Dutch friend came to join us, which was a nice surprise. Only pity was that Lucy, his delightful bird didn't come as well, but as they have banned smoking in the UK in public places, I guess she was chain smoking at home instead.
 
So Nora, top bird.  So this is the end of Part 1 of the trip.......Part 2 next week...
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