Ralph, did you eat your paste?
Trip Start Feb 12, 2006
20Trip End Mar 02, 2007
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Perhaps I'm just being impatient. I mean, what is four hours of drilling worth in this day and age anyway? They're so easily distracted. One of the upshots of their overexcitablilty however, is that when I have extra time to fill and I'm lacking the capacity to think in a straight line for more than five seconds, I know I can throw a pack of alphabet flash cards all over the classroom and just sit back and watch them wrestle each other to put them back in order.
It also occurs to me that my job would be a lot easier if the parents of aformentioned little geniuses would possiblly bugger the hell off. Yes, I'm aware you think your child is an infant prodigy, but he still has real issues putting his own coat on at the end of class. Therefore your suggestion to fast-track his learning to accommodate his vast intellect, must, alas, be turned down. And while you're at it, teach the little grot to cover his mouth when he coughs and sneezes and that wiping boogers on the desk is not acceptable at school, however much it is applauded at home. The parents tell the kids one thing, we tell them another, and the poor little buggers have no idea what is up or what is down. It seems parents inability to just let teachers get on with their jobs is universal. One parent called and asked that I give her son extra lunch because he was always hungry - when the kid never finishes his lunch in the first place
It's ridiculous how much pressure the parents put on these kids. I had one that couldn't come to school one day because he was so stressed he was throwing up. I also had another parent pull her son from the school because he wasn't topping the class. Newsflash guys, not everyone can be number one.
Ah. As much as I bitch though, there are some really huge rewards. My pre-schoolers now trot into class, tug on my sleeve and say "Teacher, the short vowels are a,e,i,o,u. Rhyming words have the same ending." So obviously the drills are working. I also have one kid who looks as thick as a short plank, but has recently proved he has fantastic comprehension. If only he was co-ordinated enough to hold his damn pencil. On the other hand I have another boy who starts every class with "Hello teacher, why do you want to be a teacher?" to which I reply "To boss you around." His next question inevitably is "Why do you want to be a fire station?" It stumps me every time.
I suppose it also goes without saying that teaching the morning after you get absolutely tanked doing soju shots until 3.30am is a little more difficult than usual.
At the end of the day I know that if I'm not coping I can offer them a deck of uno cards and everything will be ok. Sick as it is, I actually enjoy coming to work, cos I get to spend hours playing with little people who think I'm fabulous. And I get to boss them around. I have one little girl who makes her mum call me to say "Alice thinks you have beautiful hair like a princess." I have a boy who likes to give me a kiss on the hand before the first lesson of the day. Even when they're naughty and crying they're still delicious.
If only they'd shut up when I'm hungover.