Hyperventilating in front of my suitcase
Trip Start Feb 12, 2006
20Trip End Mar 02, 2007
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Do you believe in Fear-Of-Success Syndrome? I have an inkling that I might be a closet sufferer. If I thought I was procrastinating about getting a real job, it is nothing compared to the things I'll find to distract myself from the most important task at hand - packing.
Dr. Phil and Oprah have become firm favourites. I now know how to stop my kids from becoming drug addicts, and I've seen Beyonce's new fashion line. (Classy, classy stuff.)
I know that keeping a messy house is a way of staying "in control" and that country music stars are the victims of domestic violence. I've got procrastination down to such a fine art, I'm even procrastinating about writing this entry!
One thing Oprah did say though, was one of my all-time favourite cliches - "Courage is being afraid and doing it anyway." You go girl. It inspired me to fill my wicker washing basket with assorted belongings from my room and relocate them to my 'packing room'.
Now I ask you, is it over the top to cart 8 pairs of shoes across the world? I've tried to cull them, but God help me, I just can't seem to let any of them stay behind. It would be unfaithful. Even Mum agrees; they all serve an intrinsic purpose.
I suppose my preoccupation with such subjects is my not-so-subtle way of trying to distract myself from the bigger picture.
I'm still waiting for my disaster to happen. Something inevitably comes along to ruin my plans right before they come to fruition. I expected it would have happened by now, but the path has been ridiculously bump free.
I thought it would be a problem getting a job. But no, that was the real easy part. A simple case of eenie-meenie-minie-mo when all was said and done.
I thought the Korean Government would find out that I'm as fruity as a Christmas pudding and refuse to offer me a visa issuance, but that didn't appear to concern them.
I thought there would be a problem getting my air ticket, but the friendly staff at Harvey World Travel sorted it all out and the school paid for their trouble.
I assumed my visa wouldn't be issued in time and I wouldn't have a passport to get on the plane with, but it came through even quicker than expected.
I was paranoid that my passport would get lost in the mail, but no, it arrived safe and unharmed.
It's all going eerily well. Suspiciously so. It's a little difficult to imagine that the world is giving me a break for once. I reckon it's just lulling me into a false sense of security so when it pounces I'll be caught unawares.
Then again, I'm obviously only concerned about such things because as long as my path remains clutter free, I don't have any excuse to not get on that plane. As much as I'm not into sicko forms of masochistic self-sabotage, I'm almost convinced my paranoia is well founded. But then, what's paranoia without firm conviction?
Ah, the ramblings of a madwoman. When it all comes down to it, I'm just in denial that something momentous is happening to me. Tomorrow I promise I'll knuckle down and do a practice pack. I'm actually looking forward to playing with my new space bags. It's a crying shame I can't shrink wrap my shoes.
But that would be sacrilegious.