Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Come Fly with me...
Trip Start
Jun 01, 2002
1
74
Trip End
Sep 11, 2007
London, United Kingdom
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
And with the autumn leaves starting to fall from the trees and the chill starting to rise again in Melbourne, I saw this as an opportunity to do one thing and one thing only! Head back to Europe for another summer!
So here I am once again in old London town, in a new flat in East London, oh yes I will be practicing my Cockney Slang over the coming months with my new Local Bar Staff - it is like living in the set of East Enders!
Back on the travel thing and what an interesting start. So I figure I may as well document my experience and share it with you all - so with out further ado I present
"I'm a confident flyer but on my way over I thought I might die!"
* * * * *
Airports: There is a very love / hate thing about airports and that opportunity to fly. I know a number of my friends who are similar to me - love it! Whilst others thing that getting a 100 ton piece of metal in the air is a recipe for death!
With my current flight from Sydney to Hong Kong - I can now understand why people are scared of that angel of death!
Personally, I have now given up on all the efforts in attempting to bluff an upgrade, when checking in. Over the numerous years I have had the opportunity to fly, I have tried everything to secure that allusive upgrade.
Presentation: Dress nicely and be very polite and even attempt a posh accent (which sounds something like Uganda Ape with an Australian accent).
Humor: "Would you like a window seat sir?" the very attractive reservation consultant asks. And with comic wit and perfect timing, I flirtatiously answer - "Oh yes, perhaps the one where the pilot looks out?" (wink wink, nudge nudge) - I believe I was put at the very back where people queue for the toilet!
Hero with Injury: In short of rolling up in a wheelchair I have been known to give an Oscar winning performance, by sleuthing up to the counter with a slight limp and my head titled ever so slightly to one side, whilst continuingly to massage my neck..
This performance is capped off with idle chit-chat to the stranger beside me "... that is right I did save those 3 orphans from that burning building last night - but today I must fly to Europe and continue on-going charity work!" FAIL!
* * * *
So here I am, seated in row 57 (cattle class) with my plastic fork and knife (which could still maim someone if you wanted too) and my miniature world of food! With that I have delved into the plethora movies with the uncomfortable ear phones placed over my head to which all communication with the air hostesses is by basic nods of 'Yes' (up and down) and 'No' (left and right). And it is at this stage I quietly think to myself why would you not enjoy flying (please ignore the 34.5cm you have between you and the seat in front of you).
And then it hits me - well actually the plastic cup from the drinking tray, hits me.
- Turbulence-
Normally I have no qualms about turbulence at all when flying, it actually gives me some entertainment to watch people attempt to stammer to their seat or begin to see the fear of those rascal kids that have been running up and down the aisle, since the plane leveled out. But this time it is different. I take a moment to break from my 4th movie in a row and open the blind to see two things, which are not too pleasing:-
Blackness - Looking at the flight-map on the TV Screen, I see that our minature plane is somewhere over Asia and we are still in a "Sunny Time-Zone".
The Wings - From my experience with the Discovery Channel, I understand that all plane wings are built with flexibility. But the wing on the side of my plane is bending more than a Yoga Instructor.
Then I hear the dulcet tones of the Pilot informing all passengers (and air crew) to return to their seats as we are experience some slight turbulence. You know you are in trouble when the air-crew are advised to take a seat. These guys are trained to pour boiling coffee whilst the plane is in a downward spiral.
As soon as the captain finishes his "it is ok" speech, the plane drops into, what I can only call 'A Vortex of Space and Time."
Ok, so I am no meteorologist and to be honest have no idea what causes turbulence, but I have not experienced turbulence like this. Trays in the galley are banging about and falling out of their prescribed spots, kids are screaming, adults are groaning and newly acquainted couples are pleading their undying love for each other at a million miles an hour...
WHOOOOOSH - the plane drops further into another black hole. Looking out the window again, I can still nothing! So this is what death looks like from a window seat, glad I asked for the window seat - such a better view of the ground! I have unconsciously secured a Kung Fu grip on the arm of the seat.
All this is happening around me and I can only think of..
1. QANTAS (Rain-Man) - "Should have flown Qantas, Qantas have never had an air crash"...
2. Does turbulence feel this bad in First Class? Perhaps the people in first class are sitting on 'anti-turbulence' cushions. So they are busy drinking and eating their expensive meals.
3. LOST - Damn it! I look around the cabin and there are no attractive people on this flight? I assume we are going to be crash landing on a mysterious island (with film crew)with large monsters and weird stuff happening?
WHOOOOSH - my stomach just hit the roof of my mouth. I do not feel nauseous at all, just sweaty. I look up and stare at the ceiling waiting for the orange oxygen masks to fall out of the roof - damn, whish I had paid more attention to that safety movie at the start!
And then it happens - a piercing shard of light comes screaming into the cabin and all of a sudden I feel like Dorothy in the fucking Wizard of Oz. Everything was in Black and White and now BANG! - Everything is in colour once again and I am standing on witch (ok ignore that last bit).
I look at my window and there it is - crystal blue sky. For a moment I actually think we have actually time-traveled. I look around the cabin and everything seems to be back to normal. Kids are climbing out of their seats to run up and down the aisles again. The newly acquainted couples are now clarifying to one another what exactly the words "I need to be honest and tell you that I slept with your sister" and "well Love is such a strong word".
And as for me, I slip my headset over my ears and press play on my movie and look up to the hostess who is offering dinner...I shake my head (Left to Right).... I will wait until my stomach removes itself from the top of my mouth.
And who said they hate flying!!!!
Until next time, stay well!
