Sea Donkeys and Vodka

Trip Start Apr 10, 2006
1
24
52
Trip End Jul 04, 2006


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Thursday, May 4, 2006

***This posts contains some adult content. If you get offended easily....Don't read it.


Last night we celebrated my birthday at the hostel I love so much. Its the one that was an old church and the chapel was turned into a bar and common room. At night there are tons of English speaking people all hanging out swapping traveling stories and meeting new friends. Ryan and I went in and got a double room this time so we didn't have to share a room with anyone.

Ryan and I were in the chapel that night checking the place out and talking about the little clicks that form. There were a few different good looking girls in different groups. I was telling Ryan about the common rookie mistake about going back and forth between two groups of girls. I have the worst girl ADD, I can't focus on just one girl while I'm at the bar. I get board too quickly and look for someone else to talk too. Its one of my downfalls. I said while pointing between the two groups, "If you go back and forth..." then moving my hand in a stroking motion, "then you will be going back and forth!"

It was good stuff!

So we end up talking to these Italian girls from San Diego. They were pretty funny. Ryan hit it off with one of the girls. One of the girls went to bed early, and I got stuck playing wing man entertaining the last one so Ryan could throw his game. He hit it.

I was sitting in the hallway listening to the most boring story in the world while Ryan was serving it up. After about an hour, I went to go check on them. They were done, so I finally got to get into my bed. I was so tired. It was 4:00 am. Did I tell you I am the worlds best wing man? Well I am. I will laugh at all your jokes, tell everyone how nice you are, I can generally keep someone entertained or at least occupied while you throw your game, I can talk about almost anything...I will even jump on the grenade if need be. I should list my services on Ebay.

Okay, so picture this. Our room was at the end of this long hall with doors to the dorms on each side along the hallway. They have motion sensors in the hall, so when you walk down the long hall the lights automatically turn on. Ryan and I left our door open to let the breeze blow in the window. We finally get into bed and all of the sudden the hall lights come on. We hear these two drunk girls stumbling down the hall. They see our door open and just come in. These chicks look like a sea donkey and the other a wildebeest. The wildebeest was about 5'9" pushing 2 bills, blond hair, wearing this little mini skirt that she shouldn't of had on.

We had a bottle of vodka in the room and the big'n asked if she could have a little. That fat bitch knocked back about 6 shots in 10 minutes. She was absolutely hammered. She was bumping into everything, knocking drinks over, falling off her chair. It was awful. The wildebeest then decided to look down from our 3rd story balcony. When she leaned over, you could see WAY to much of her stuff. It looked like someone hit her in the back of the legs with a sack full of dimes. Dents galore!!

We wanted these fattys out of our room so Ryan just started being a cocky SOB. We started out playing good cop bad cop. I was the good cop. I was laughing so hard. He was telling them how good he looks in his banana hammock. Then he asked them if they wanted to get naked. Then that turned into stuff like, "yea, I'm pretty hot and girls are pretty lucky if they get to bang me!". Ryan has one pair of clothes with him for the past 10 days. Its khaki linen pants and white linen shirt. I tell him he looks like Leisure Suit Larry. He told the chicks thinks he looks really sweet in the linen, and he's going for the dirt bag look. We tried saying the rudest and grosses things to get them to leave, but they wouldn't. Finally Ryan just pulled his covers off, lifted his leg up, and ripped the loudest, longest, stinkiest fart I've heard in a while. Finally the wildebeest's friend said, "I think that's our que to leave." I felt like I was back in college. I could not stop laughing.

The next morning, everyone goes to the chapel room for breakfast. Its actually a great breakfast and its included for free. Anyway, we see those Italian chicks first. Ryan and I walked up up to say hi. One of the girls said to Ryan, "She doesn't remember anything about last night. " That chick had "bangers remorse". She tried to play like she didn't remember hooking up the night before...at all. Then, like 2 minutes later that dumb bitch said, "Are my green shorts still in your room." What a hooker! I was laughing so much.


This is the 734th reason I am going to Hell. After that, I was being very serious and I said to the girls,

"Since we are in a old chapel, do you mind if I prey and repent for my sins I committed last night?"

then I said,

"Lord, I'm sorry for drinking all that beer last night....short pause.....sike! I'm not really sorry at all...I had a blast!"

Oh man, you should have seen the look on their faces....priceless!


After breakfast we went back to our stabin cabin. Ryan walked into the girls dorm across the hall and asked to borrow toilet paper because he had to take a dump. He has no shame. When they said No, I yelled from our room,"What about an old shirt or a sock....and some scissors." We have no class. Just a couple of dirt bags having a good time. When will I ever grow up?!

NEVER!!!
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