Twa cludgies!
Trip Start
Oct 28, 2003
1
16
102
Trip End
Ongoing
Yokohama, Japan
Thursday, July 7, 2005
I know it's been a while and you're all just busting at the seams to hear what I have to say. However it's late and I don't want to be sitting on this damned computer all night, as usual! So I'll try and keep it brief. Those that know me are now heading off and boiling the kettle and getting themselves comfy in front of the computer.
Where did I leave you last? I was in Sakuragicho and in the midst of finding somewhere to stay? Or had I already moved in with Carol? OK I've just checked I hadn't moved in with Carol. Christ this'll take a while.
OK, So I bade my farewells to Sakuragicho and to Eleanor. After a year and a half living in each others pockets in was sad to see her head off eventually. Although she's staying in Japan for the now, she's eventually heading back to England to settle down to a Masters and the life of a frumpy Lesbian academic, with lots of cats and tofu. Well maybe not frumpy, just seemed to go so well beside Lesbian!
With my huge van packed, and it was a van this time, not some estate car that Japanese are under the impression is a van, but a proper van! Which was packed! I mean packed. Which is really scary as I thought I was being really strict on myself, throwing out all the useless shite. Obviously I wasn't as strict as I thought. Van away it was back to Azamino and my Landlady Ms Dwyer! It's strange the things you find out about people when you're sleeping right beside them (separate futons). I never met anyone who can talk in so many different languages in her sleep. Quite impressive. Oh and during Earthquakes her impression of a prairie Dog looking out for danger is simply impressive. However we did have fun, I danced for her in my pants and she told everyone. Those were my American pants ironically. We were drunk and pretending that our great great granddaddies were from America and that we were Americans. Or maybe we weren't drunk I don't really remember. So after 2 weeks at the mercy of Jennelle, Carol and Esther I was onto freedom ... or so I thought. I forgot I was moving in with my other half. I was under the mistaken impression that I would be the "anal one" hmmm ... bad analogy let me change that ... erm ... the ... obsessive compulsive one. However it seems that Junya had a hidden streak. Which I'm all to happy to indulge him in. Saves me from doing anything. Reminds me of home and how my Mum used to enjoy running around after me so much.
Seriously however, we got a great house and it's a proper house. It's got and upstairs and a downstairs and front and back door. Oh and get this 2 CLUDGIES! Can you believe, you really know you're going up in the world when you have 2 lavvies. Am pure kultchur noo! Let me just place a small note to my friends in the New World as I'm sure many of you are reading this thinking "what the hell is that boy on". However back in the Old World it's considered a luxury to have an indoor toilet. That would be just the one. Anymore and it's just plain snobbery, because why would anyone need more than one toilet? You only have one arse! So, to have two toilets is a sign of being socially mobile. The way Aussies buy big Yuets (spelling) or Yanks buy big Land Rovers (SUV's) as a status symbol. In Scotland, you move to a house with two toilets. Then you invite all your friends over for a drink. Get them plastered and when your first friend breaks the seal you nonchalantly mention to your friend that he can use the downstairs lavy should he wish, in order to save him climbing the stairs. However from that point on you're stock as a friend rises as everyone starts to name drop you; for example "Aye well a wiz at Alan's the other night, you know Alan, aye ye dae, him wi twa cludgies, aw did a naw mention I shat in his doonstairs lavvy?" or something of the ilk. So you can imagine I'm in seventh heaven the now! I don't have to move off the floor I'm on to relieve myself. Apart from the two toilets however it's a shithole, but did I mention the toilets?
Seriously though it's great and we have a spare bedroom should anyone want to visit, hint hint hint. So up until now it's all been DIY type shops and burying curtains and sofas and Tellies that I cannae understand! Due to Junya being devoid of the gay decorating Gene I've had to do it all myself. In creams and browns. I'll try and get a photie on here soon.
I did end up having to go to the doctors for the second time here. Due to me stupidly carrying a heavy shelf unit home, on my head! My theory was that if it works for the women in Africa then it can work for me. I've concluded that African women have stronger backs and necks than me or are in constant pain. My back was killing me for long enough until I eventually went to the doctor. What a charming man he was. After asking me a bunch of questions, through Junya, he sent me for an x-ray. I assume to bump the cost up as I doubt a GP would bother. Anyways, we waited for the x-rays to come back and he called us in. Then he preceded to tell me that I was too fat for him to see my bones clearly, however all foreigners were fat. Comforting to know I'm not alone then. All I could think was, "if you think I'm fat now you should have seen me when i first came here" . Then he asked me how long I'd been here and I answered, to which he replied after nearly two years you should really be able to speak fluent Japanese. Now I guess he has a point, however when I'm paying him 35 bloody quid he can keep his opinions to himself. So I left the Doctors safe in the knowledge that my back wasn't permanently damaged and that I was a fat foreigner who can't speak Japanese. Retrospectively, I should have played on the stereotype of all foreigners being fat and mentioned how all Japanese have small dicks, grabbed my coat and minced out, flinging 10k at him and telling him to "hang the change, I'm only here for the banter" (that's a chewin the fat TV prog reference). Ah retrospect is a wonderful thing.
So here I am now typing furiously at my computer trying to finish this ASAP so I can go to bed. Although it's been nearly a month and a half, our housewarming is on Sunday. Since now I've got the house looking like I want. I'm a wee bitty scared as I don't know exactly how many people I've invited. However I shouldn't worry with two toilets we'll be OK.
Anyways that's me off now to clean ma toilets. So hopefully now that you all know that I'mback on line the emails will come flooding in. A little longer than "hi nice to see you email me soon" I hope! Also if you want my address to send me lots of lovely things from home, or abroad then email me and I'll email it to you.
Take care
Alan x
