A taste of Malaysia's heart...without eating it
Trip Start
Aug 28, 2009
1
10
96
Trip End
Feb 25, 2011
Port Dickson, Malaysia, Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia
Thursday, October 8, 2009
After two hours of wandering about with 14kg of equipment and consistently turning up in unexpected locations, I reached an information office and finally discovered why I seemed to be struggling with orienteering so much - my f*cking sh*t compass doesn't point true north!
I know it seems like an excuse, but it's not - whoever made this thing clearly had a grudge with the company they were working for, and probably put the magnetic blob somewhere random! It is more annoying because the true north on the compass is represented by somewhere vaguely near East SouthEast.
Ok I could have used a map instead and followed street names - I know!! But I wanted to do it old school style! New compass added to my wishlist...
Anyway, I then met up with my new friend Dan once more (see previous entry), and he took me to a classic Malaysian cafe, which is in sight of the two towers, but down a street that no tourist would ever think to go down. I asked if he would order me a classic Malaysian dish from this place, and I then had the most delicious chicken, veg and rice meal I have had since I arrived here (photo provided...which you can't taste).
Hmm...how do I describe? Coconutty curryish rich dark flavoured chicken, soy-ish but something better-ish spinach and other greens side salad, lush rice with tiny pot of potent spicy zangy stuff to throw in the mix. Devine!
Most of the meals you get on the markets are Chinese, not Malaysian, I now realise. True Malay cuisine is harder to come by, so I'm told.
By the way, I will shortly sound wise beyond my experience here, as my most excellent companion is teeming with perspective and insight into not only Asians, but their place in comparison to us Westerners. He has met many backpackers too. I have been listening intently and making notes, and I now am wise beyond my experience here, which I pass to you, loyal reader.
Back to the story: Over this banquet (and lime drinks...perfect for hot weather) we chatted for some time, chilled (or baked) in the sun, and enjoyed the humourous cross-overs that often occur between two people of very different cultures ("Really? We also do sh*ts in my country!!").
By now I have had plenty of time to analyse this man, and I can tell that he is sound as a pound (or an extremely shrewd conman). So when he offered to show me Malaysia's heart for a couple of days I gladly accepted, cos I knew this would beat any guidebook to sh*t!
That night then, I stayed at Dan's rented Kuala Lumpur residence and was pleased to find my sphincter intact when I awoke the following day. I did have a sore arse, but that was born of walking around in stuffy, sunbaked, city heat for two hours, with 14 Kilos of gear, and wearing underwear that would be better suited to olympic swimming.
Over a Malaysian style breakfast (cooked by the good man Dan) of noodles, egg, lettuce and tomato in all sorts of delicious flavouring (like soy sauce and chilli paste) we put the world of humanity to rights, laughed at the amazing stupidity of drivelling wannabe models on the reality television programme before us, and discussed more differences between East and West.
He then confessed that he was gay and wanted to stroke my balls...haha of course he didn't you fools!!! Made ya titter though, eh?
No, actually he kindly offered me a (temporary) place at his family home in Port Dickson. I checked my anus one last time, then gladly accepted.
Two bus rides later, the second meandering through dense palm tree forest dotted with buildings roofed in a 'bull horns' style (this is because in this Malaysian state, homage is paid to bulls, as their horns were primarily used to turn soil, which of course gave them crops) and cruising past a dead cow, followed by some living ones, we arrived at the port, and were picked up by his cousin and taken to his house in a classically 'sanded but not repainted' little Honda. By the way, Proton, being a Malaysian make, is the car you will see most here.
After a short drive we turned down a dirt road and arrived at the house.
WOW - now this is classic Malaysia!
Dan lives in a humble home, made from wood and complete with corrugated roofing (a bit like something from a Vietnam War film), but inside there is an interesting contrast of gorgeous furniture and technology - cable tv in three rooms, games consoles, and English plug sockets (which is the standard in Malaysia anyway, but still). Hmm ok, maybe it was wrong to expect to see four members of his family on stone-made pedal cycles, powering a single bulb...
Most traditional Malaysian houses are made of wooden, bamboo or thatched walls and are on stilts (to deal with floods), but I guess he doesn't get much flooding here.
His house is full of life - he has about 4 million cats running about and enough edible plantations to survive more than two months isolated from the world. These include coconuts, chilli beans, lemon grass, mango, a lychee-like fruit and durian fruit (The one that apparently smells worse than the mouldy, dead ars*hole of the devil's most unhygienic rat - I have yet to try this...but I will).
That f*cking Gordon Ramsay would have a f*cking amazing f*cking time cooking up a f*cking meal in this f*cking place, I f*cking tell ya.
Time to follow this man to see a few days in the life of a Malaysian...and you thought I was just gonna get pissed and hang with my own kind, eh?
The following day, after a delish curried pancake brekkie at a nearby Malaysian restaurant (which is largely outdoors, and wall-free...err...ok that's what outdoors normally means...) we went to the food market to grab some stuff for cooking later (ok not me, I was a guest and I can f*ck up a bowl of cornflakes).
The market was an experience in itself - it was great to see the veterans in their trade masterfully cutting the meat and fish. The smells, the sights, and the flies! Flies are everywhere, but so what? What can you do about it? Fly vomit won't kill you anyway! And the presence of flies does not mean that food is mouldy!
We then caught a bus to a nearby beach.
Now, I haven't set foot in any sea for many years now (sad but true), so I may be a little easy to please on the beach front. That said, the beaches here are amazing - the sand is fine and almost white, and the water is so unbelievably warm and clear. I come from England remember, the land of 'one foot in water equals b*llocks dropping off' - the land of 'have a swim but watch out for the floating toilet paper'. So I am not used to water that is warmer than a swimming pool heated by nuclear power. The water somehow seems warmer than the air!
Also, because there are so many miles of sandy beach, most of the time you have your own 100 metre+ strip of beach (well, on a weekday anyway!). The sea is very calm, and on some beaches you have to walk about 36 miles out to sea for the water to get deep enough to cover your head. Ok slight exaggeration perhaps.
Aaaah lying in the sea...I know it is a common holiday trait, but for me it has been so long to be somewhere that you can pee in nature without care...err I mean it has been so long since I enjoyed the sea...in fact I have never been in water like this before. And I enjoyed the sign on the beach, containing pictorial messages that seemed to suggest that if you have fish fins as feet, don't throw litter, and don't perform a stunt-jump over a car whilst riding a motorcycle (see bottom photo). A beautiful day!
The next day, more amazing brekkie at said cafe, then we went to the jungle at Cape Rachado, south of Port Dickson and on the border with Malacca (A.K.A Malaka).
My first experience of tropical jungle, and 30 yards into the thick of it I see four monkeys! We walked for a while (me staring in wonder..."Tree!!!....Tree!!!....Monkey!!!....TALL TREE!!!...OUCH - small tree!!") until we eventually reached a lighthouse, where I saw eagles soaring above, and the strange white-faced monkey (not sure if thats the actual name) doing precisely monkeyish stuff nearby.
Watching animals in the wild always gives me a strange, primal pleasure (no, not sexual pleasure). There's a meditative pleasure to be had watching animals doing exactly what they should in the wild without the complexity of thought, when we super-intelligent humans seem to spend most of our time doing largely what we shouldn't, or using all of our amazing abilities and dexterity to suck the c*ck of some machinistic corporate entity and eat sh*t for 37+ hours per week to pay our bills! I think that people like to watch animals in action (no, not sexual action) because it makes them forget about themselves, if only for a short while. I think we envy the simplicity of the animals life at times, you know?
Anyway, this jungle is where I first discovered the persistence of the 'little flying bastards' - the mosquito.
I sprayed all exposed areas of skin with repellent (bought from here, which is said to be better tailored), and then discovered that they will bite you through your clothes. So I sprayed myself all over (except the areas within my pants), which works...at least to some degree. In the jungle the LFB's strike most forcefully, and so it is still a good idea to keep moving, as I am told that they are not keen on wind (so a fan is a good tip for extra protection). The problem is that they are extremely good at finding areas that do not have repellent, even an area the size of a pin head, and so largely all you can do is reduce the number of LFB's that bite you, as it is not possible to find full body mozzie repellent showers anywhere, and to cover yourself 100% you would probably need to use an entire can of the stuff! I defy anybody not wearing a spacesuit to never get bitten in the jungle here.
Still, they behave differently according to different people, and I am told that some people are a mozzie magnet. I seem to fall somewhere in the middle of the category, receiving virtually no bites at first, feeling special (like I'm somehow immune), only to sleep that night while the mozzie coil burns out, and find myself bitten in about 20 places the following morning! The mozzies numb the initial pain with some kind of natural anaesthetic, but the bites don't half itch the following day, especially when the skin is rubbed on clothes!! Most places the mozzie will feed in the early evening and early morning, but in the low light jungle the LFB's feed all day! That concludes our little lesson on mozzies!
Two amazing days though, PHEW!!
Ok, if you just want to read about my travels, you can stop here, ok? You don't want to? Well, that's good! But I warn you, for the rest of this entry, my humour has already left the internet cafe I am in and is getting ready for bed!
Real Malaysian food (not the stuff most backpackers think is Malaysian food)
Breakfast:
Roti Canai - Pancakes with curry sauce
Nasi Lemak - Rice cooked in coconut milk accompanied with chilli paste, cucumber, boiled egg, and traditionally wrapped in banana leaf
Appetiser:
Rojak - Sliced cucumber, salad, boiled egg, and the main ingredient - peanut sauce
Tofu - with bean sprout (sometimes noodles on top), and sweet & sour chilli
Main cuisine:
Chicken Rendang (also beef, mussel, or other meat) - Chicken cooked in coconut milk and lemon grass. Other random spices and herbs sometimes added
Drinks:
Iced Tea/Coffee - with condensed milk
Iced Lime Tea - this is the dog's danglies in the hot weather, I tell ya
Hot Tea/Coffee - usually black
ABC - A dessert drink, made of coconut milk, ice, syrup (red, not golden - tastes different), and beans and corn in the bottom
OK, as much as it hurts me (and requires considerable effort, and deletion of many bracketed childish comments)...I'm gonna get serious for a bit when I talk...
...About Malaysians:
Most people (and guidebooks) will tell you that they are very friendly people, and that is correct, but it's not the whole story. Drama pause...
The truth is that people in Malaysia (and this goes for a lot of Asian countries - Thailand to name one example) generally look up to us Westerners in a big way. They associate us with class, success, money and power. They think that we are better than them, and aspire to be like us. But here's the thing - these Asians generally tend to treat their fellow Asians with disrespect (except their own family and friends, of course). I have seen this several times with my own eyes, as I walk with my Asian companion.
So the whole truth is that Asians tend to be very friendly, but only to white people.
What seems sad to me is that they are abandoning their culture (which they have in spades) and traditions for lands that have no culture anymore. I mean what culture do us English have left? Watching Big Brother? Watching X-Factor? Shopping for things we don't really need? Getting unbelievably p*ssed, fighting, f*cking people we wouldn't look at sober, vomiting and p*ssing in strange, imprudent places, then feeling ill the next day while we boast about it?
Asians have Temples, Meditation, Tradition, and follow Gods (capitalised to show importance).
Our Temples are pubs and clubs, and our meditation comes when we go out and buy sh*t we don't need, or when we are too drunk to think anymore!! Only some English traditions have survived, and usually only where the land meets the sea, or where there are no McDonalds restaurants within 10 miles. And Gods...? The only Gods we follow are the c*cksucking leeches who sit on the throne of their multinational companies while they often engage in all sorts of debauchery behind closed doors, usually to the same people that idolise them ("Oh Simon Cowell I think you are so great, and I just want you to give me the chance to become a corporate puppet while I suck on your special sausage and sing and dance exactly how your tedious industry wants me to, rather than from the heart which I abandoned many years ago when I started to drool over airbrushed photographs of women as I shoved my first ever Gucci bag up my...").
Take America for example. America is totally in bed with capitalism. America is capitalism. The seeds of marketing have spread so thickly that most people are even marketing themselves, and following the same rules of exaggeration and flat-out bullshit as a result, in order to climb higher on their particular corporate ladder, or get the partner they want. These people are fake. A fake society makes its people fake, know what I mean? I cringe when I see it. England is not far off this pattern either - we are falling headlong into the same abyss. I like to say that Capitalism is communism in disguise.
My theory is that most of us in the west are lost in the scramble for materialism. We hope that a combination of objects and our own image will make us happy. But these objects have no love for us in return, and our image is not who we are. We are chasing fools gold, and hoping for a nice, big pot of it at the end of the little rainbow in our little illusory world.
The world of the west is trying to be one big shop. At the front, it is all lights and glitter, but hidden from view at the back, there are rats, snakes, shit, and suffering. And the machine that drives all this, in its path, destroys many things that make us different, give us character and make us happy.
We have forgotten what we are here for.
And Asians have a strong desire to abandon the very things that make them Asian, that seem to make them so peaceful and happy, in order to follow us along the same path! Ironically I am in envy of my Asian friend - his life is so humble and peaceful, and he is a picture of happiness.
Asian women are having plastic surgery to make their faces more Western. Asian women all over are trying to get with the white man because he is a trophy to them - a symbol that they have advanced in life, something that they can show to their friends to prove how successful they have become, and also a path to faster success and more money. They are already materialistic about the materialistic white man! That is why it is broadly known that sex is easy to get in Thailand, for example (and I don't mean the prostitutes).
Another example, this one with males: Japanese backpackers keep to themselves generally, but will happily hang out with several white men.
I think that these people should all be damn proud of who they are, and not aspire to be like us.
WWHHOOOOAAAA...
...where did I go off at this tangent? Err....this is a travelblog, right??...Sorry!! Forgot where I was for a second!! Shouldn't have gone for a three-hour package in this internet cafe really!!
Well, I feel better having put some of my thoughts down anyway! Call it therapy! Ahem...err...
...
...
Malaysians come in three main flavours:
Malay Malaysians: Malaysias original people
Chinese Malaysians: who clearly came here from China, one or more generations ago
Indian Malaysians: need I explain?
There are interesting differences between Indians born in Malaysia several generations ago, and Indians who have come here recently. The former tend to be very humble, quaint people, whereas the latter are much more arrogant and loud, look down on Malay Malaysians, and have no interest in their way of life. They tend to see Malay people as their servants. This is very general of course, and I mean not to offend. Just what I have observed!
All of these three flavours of people come in two main sub-classes - those who live or work in the city (engineers, doctors, teachers etc.) and who are more Westernised as a result, and those who follow the traditional way of life, like the farmers and fishermen, who you will find in the smaller villages, where homes still look unique and have bags of character.
Some interesting observations, yes? My pleasure!
That's too much serious stuff man, I need to get silly again! I will try to make my next entry far more entertaining!
On a lighter note, I had fun washing my arse with a hose earlier in a paperless toilet...shame I didn't have my camera...
Comments
Joooiiiyyyaaaa
Sounds like you are having a great experience Joi. Enjoying your highly amusing blog entries! Missing you a lot but glad to see you are making the most of your trip and doing it properly - spending time with the people of the country. Keep up the good work, take it easy bruv.
Soi .
P.S Donnai sends her love x
Wowser
Hey dude,
Missing you immensely and glad to hear that you're having an amazing time. I'm loving the blog and thinking about you every day. It's reassuring that you haven't lost your fire, particularly loving the rant about Simon Cowel and Dan seems like a stand up guy.
Love
Sarah aka Wise xxxx
My Bad
Sorry dude!
I meant 'Cowell' :0)
xxxxxxx
Hey WIIIISSSEEE!
Sorry, I only just found this comment - DOH!! Thanks for your kind words, and glad to hear you are enjoying the blog! I now have a laptop so they should hopefully get better. And they should hopefully get better anyway!
How are you? Regarding 'missing' people at this end - its a very strange concept to articulate. I miss you and everyone I love and respect, but everything is so different (and busy) that missing people seems wasteful. Therefore I've decided not to give a f*ck about any of you to save resources...lol no just kidding!! What I mean is that I am finally giving myself the attention I need, in the hope that I become a much better man :)
Hope you are well - I am good (p*ssed right now, so its always good)
Measssurrreessss