Recipe for a good week (serves one)
Trip Start May 27, 2010
97Trip End Aug 31, 2011
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- a good sleep*
- 1 friend returning from overseas
- a pinch of fun
- 1 small haircut, rinsed and dried
- 1 pair of new shoes
- pizza (to taste)
- a sense of humour and adventure
- beer, waffles and Jagermeister
- episodes of True Blood
- icing sugar to garnish
Prepare the week with a good sleep. This can be done by going to bed early and not absorbing too much MSG at the Chinese buffet restaurant during the day. Should you over-indulge, stay awake all night and try again the next night. When sufficiently exhausted from the preceding weekend and lack of sleep, drag yourself out of bed and go to work. Repeat the latter portion of this step (omitting the MSG) until the desired consistency is achieved.
Welcome back a friend who has returned from overseas and discuss their trip over lunch. Catch up on the things you've both been doing in the past four weeks and have a laugh. If you find that you run out of the "topic of conversation" ingredient, just make stuff up by using items you already have in the pantry. (This is unlikely to occur if you have selected the finest ingredients you can get your hands on.) Mix these ingredients until soft peaks are formed. Be careful not to beat the air out of the mixture. Fold in some jokes you prepared earlier, then cover the mixture until it rises.
Return to the hairdressers that coloured your hair at the weekend. Present your voucher which will allow you to have your hair cut by Sven or Hans. It is essential that this step is completed separately to the colouring due to the elasticity of the voucher. Do not repeat Saturday's behaviour by attending the appointment with a raging hangover. This should be easily avoided though, given one's promise to never drink again. Alcohol will either add or detract from this recipe, however, so discretion should be used as to how much to add to the mixture. If so desired, a drop of True Blood can be added, but should be done so sparingly.
Mix in a pair of new shoes. Havi's just won't cut it in the wet weather. With the new shoes broken in, go to an all you can eat pizza restaurant with friends on Thursday night and pay £7 to the waiter so that they continue to come back to your table and offer you more pizza. Add the pizza in large quantities - there is no need for a measuring cup for this ingredient as it should be added to individual taste. If you are finding that you're full, let the mixture sit for a few minutes, and then continue eating. One must be patient with this recipe, as any haste will be met by an end product that is dense and unfulfilling. When you have finished adding the pizza to the mix, return home, feel sick and repeat the process outlined in Step One.
Take a trip to Belgium in search of star ingredients to accompany the good week recipe: chocolate and beer. There are a few steps to this stage of the recipe which should be carefully followed.
Start by waking up very early to board a coach at 7am in Central London. The coach is bound for the Dover-Calais ferry. This ferry trip is a familiar one, and by now and the words "are you a bird?" can be heard reverberating from the White Cliffs of Dover. Once the ferry reaches Calais, re-board the coach and head towards Belgium with any duty free purchases safely stowed. Admire the landscape as you travel through France and Belgium and get chatting to other people on the coach. Check in to your hostel and then continue into Bruges for a walking tour. Eat some delicious waffles and wash it down with a half litre of Hoegarden. Attend a dinner with the tour group after absorbing a few Leffe's, and continue to drink half litres of Hoegarden. Entertain the group by photo-bombing and telling stories about being a hand model in need of a website, and convince the group that giving the bird is in fact marketing. Continue to a bar and get very drunk and be hit on by a lesbian. Finish all of this with countless Jager shots and then retreat to the hostel to sleep it off.
Stir the emotions at Flanders on Monday on the way back to Calais and visit the WW1 cemeteries and trenches.
Combine all of the above ingredients until you have a feeling of seasickness on the return ferry to Dover.
Return to London late on Monday night. Pour the memories into Facebook and serve up the good week. The good week should be topped with a garnish of good sleep and icing sugar.
The good week is not suitable for freezing and will perish at dawn on Tuesday when it is time to go to work again.
Variation: Any ingredients may be substituted but under no circumstances should dried fruit (or any other form of fruit for that matter) be added.
* A good sleep is a seasonal ingredient and can be hard to source during the summer months.