10 things I learnt this week

Trip Start May 27, 2010
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9
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Trip End Aug 31, 2011


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Flag of United Kingdom  , England,
Monday, July 26, 2010

1. Flirting with the Indian store owners gets things done
 
I had to send something by snail mail back to Oz but was told when I entered the off licence/milk bar/post office that the post office component was closed and that I wouldn't be able to send my item until 9am the next day.  So I visited the shop again the next morning to be greeted with the same story that all the stamps were under lock and key and would only be released at 9am.  On hearing that, I channelled my best impersonation of Arnold Schwarzenegger's "you can do it" (albeit in a slightly higher pitch) and put on my biggest smile to convince the officer that the right thing to do would be to accept my 3p tip and post the letter for me at 9am.  Let's just hope the eagle lands where it's meant to land!  He did say I could trust him - must've been the 3p tip. 
 
A smile also scored me a free cigarette lighter (even though all I bought was a bottle of milk!), and Gemma was lucky enough to score a complimentary chocolate bar when she smiled at the shopkeeper this week as well.  All this from the friendly Indian at the neighbouring off licence who was having a party behind the counter with his friends one night, necking a bottle of Smirnoff.  He was polite and offered us a swig, but we declined, favouring the 2L bottle of gassy water we'd bought.  I maintain that vodka would've tasted better than that revolting water!  Note to self for next time: take the vodka.
 
2.  Talking with HR is a waste of time 

I donned my metal armour and went downstairs to visit HR this week.  They told me nothing I didn't already know (that I'm the best secretary they've ever had even though I don't do much to prove it) and advised that while I am worth every penny of the 1,000,000 they want to pay me, I couldn't accept it because I'm so humble and consider that sitting around doing very little wouldn't warrant 1,000,000. 
 
3.  Board games can be fun
 
The monotony of the working week was broken up by a games night at home, initiated by Gemma, which saw me lose hands down at Scattergories.  If it'd been Scrabble I think they would've been in big trouble - Geoff can attest to that - "You really shit me, Heidi" he would cry when I blitzed that game time and time again.  Well, he never actually cried... not that I witnessed anyway!
 
4.  Shepparton is world-famous
 
Good old Shepp made page 3 news this week, owing to a hare running across the greyhound track during a race.  Those dogs really are stupid - do they not realise that the bunny they're chasing has never been caught and just give up?  In any case, I bet they were excited when they saw a real live bunny hopping across the track.  What baffles me further is that we heard basically nothing in the English news about the ranga ambush of K-Rudd, which was big news at home, but a mangy hare makes page three.  Hmmmm...
 
What should've made page three was the news I was given earlier in the week that Baxter and Wedge had run all the way into town and were picked up at the Maude Street taxi rank and taken for a ride in the back of a divvie van to the pound.  It's not funny, they're very naughty boys.  But a 4km run into the centre of Shepparton, unreal.  Cousin Ben suggested that perhaps they became jealous of Crackles the pig and ran away to the city to get jobs in call centres.  If only they could talk...
 
5.  Two hours of power does not make you stronger

I was coerced into a trip to Fulham on Friday night for two hours of power.  For a fiver you get two hours of free drinks, as much as you can drink, or, as much as you can get your hands on.  Seemed like a good idea at the time, but then so do all drinking sessions!  We had a tag team arrangement for getting drinks which seemed to work a treat.  Once our two hours was up we walked across the Thames and into another equally dodgy bar for more drinks and dancing.  There are several people who would be very proud of my achievements on Friday night, but I will not write it here for fear that my grandchildren will one day read this blog and get ideas. 

I made the mission home on the bus via McDonald's (I think I inadvertently ate the gherkin AHHHH!!!) and assumed my ninja pose when I spotted a lone fox in the front yard of a house.  Luckily for the fox I didn't have to unleash the fury as it appeared to be more scared of me than I was of it and scampered away into the darkness, only to appear in my backyard two days later.  Well, I admit it could've been a different fox, owing to the fact that most foxes look the same, but I would like to believe it was the same fox coming back for revenge, feeling ripped off that I'd eaten the gherkin instead of throwing it on the ground like most normal people would when they've purchased a McDonald's burger.  

6.  Two hours of power does give you a headache
 
I woke on Saturday with a slight headache and spent all morning wondering why, but a bowl of dumplings and lemonade helped ease the pain so that I was able to head back to bed and sleep for a little while longer before the Girl Guides assembled. 
 
7.  Girl Guides are fun
 
On Saturday I recruited some fellow Girl Guides (and Mikey) for an afternoon of knitting, patchwork and orienteering, followed by cups of tea and cream cakes.  Sadly none of the girls remembered to bring their craft tools or compasses, and I forgot to bake the cream cakes, so it was unfortunate that we had to resort to drinking the night away and partaking in a BBQ.  We didn't want to and it was hard work, but we endured it like any good Girl Guide would.  We sang songs and kumbaya-ed our way through the night, and gathered to say a prayer together before we all went to bed.  Life's good. 
 
8.  Borrowing 2 of credit from Vodafone is worth it if the news is good
 
That's all I can say about that for the moment but I'm very excited! 
 
9.  The only good thing about Twilight is Jacob
 
Gemma and I went to see Eclipse on Sunday afternoon with our bags full of treats and our minds open for what lay ahead in the movie, even though we've both read the books.  (Well, to be completely honest, I've read them twice, but who's counting?).  I've decided that if the saga were made into a choose-your-own-adventure style epic, it would be much better for everyone: Team Edward could have their happy ending, as could Team Jacob.  It makes perfect sense.  Stephenie Meyer, if you're reading this, perhaps we could work together?
 
10.  Weekends go too quickly
 
But that's nothing new is it?
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