Xian (Inner crisis)
Trip Start Oct 18, 2006
117Trip End ??? ??, 2008
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So the prayer time was really uncomfortable. A serious prayer session like that leaves me alienated and uncomfortable. Matt told me when I left Edmonton to 'go with God'. I have done nothing of the sort. The entire trip has been a slow decline in this relationship, to the point of near-nihilism. Then, assuming that I was a happy and committed Christian, and expecting me to be right before God, that simply put me off for a few days. I realize how important this faith is in relationships, and my own sensitivity to the issue has caused me to see how far I am drifting not only from God, but from my friends and family as a consequence. And so, I endangered the trip by reacting badly and not really talking much on the train to Xian. Luckily, I got over myself and once more overlooked my fickleness in the relationship arena. I mean, just because you are becoming a heathen doesn't mean your friends should abhor you and withdraw does it? Certainly, there are biblical and practical reasons for doing so
So this entirety of thought, of the struggle of my faith, the losing of my religion, comes down to this one moment, and it puts me off and endangers my friendships in this critical moment. This is the headspace into which I enter Xian, a beautiful and ornate city, flourished with an amazing wall, a neon nightlife, bell towers and clay soldiers
And so it is. A beautiful place where Chuck and I have nighttime excursions to take amazing bulb exposure photos, and where we all visit the remnants of the Qin Dynasty. We are enthralled with this place, and do the tourist thing, after having paved our own way through the Northwest. We have executive-class pizza hut pizza, and sing Karaoke (A lifetime first for me! Yay for overcoming one's fears!). We also leave too soon, heading by train for Datong.
Push aside your heavy moments quickly, and life is wonderful.