The small towns in South Africa are even more backward than the likes of Rugby or Kidderminster. At the post office we took directions from an old fella in shorts with a big beard and a curious looking pigeon perching on his shoulder. I didn’t ask. We spent the day touring the spectacular Blyde Canyon but I’m not going to bore you with details.
One of the things I’d been looking forward to the most was visiting Kruger National Park
. We awoke at the unholy hour of 5am and our efforts were rewarded when we saw elephants, zebras, giraffe, buffalo and technically a lion. Well, a lion’s paw to be precise. However, the next day put this to shame. After an unrewarding hour, a lion strode arrogantly across the road in front of us. "Get out of my fucking way" his swagger demanded. 2 minutes later we came across a rhino having his breakfast metres from the road. Later in the evening we saw two more lions brush past us and get lairy with a pack of hyenas. Just like watching Football Factory. By the end of our time in Kruger we’d seen almost everything. I was getting a bit pissed off when an elephant blocked the road until I remembered that on the drive to Rugby horses and cattle are the only wildlife on show. It might not be the first time I’ve seen a zebra crossing, but in Kruger you don’t mind the wait.
A week based in Pretoria was enough. We drove our homo-friendly named Chevrolet Spark to Graskop where we were met by the most enthusiastic hostel receptionist in the world. I don't know what he’s snorting but I want some. On the long drive to Graskop, we pased 'Hi-jacking Hot Spot’ road signs. I didn’t hang around.