Here In Melbourne......

Trip Start Jun 01, 2006
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Where I stayed

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

"Here at GloboGym, we're better than you..... and we know it"



-- Dodgeball


Firstly, massive apologies for our recent lacklustre Travelpod attention. My failure to update it recently is mostly Bruce Cambell's fault, and I'm sure he's only to happy to accept the blame.

You see, dear Travelpod several, we have had the pleasure, not once but twice, of relaxing in the company of Australia's Finest Male, B-Movie Film Star, Sam Raimi Favourite, Boeing 737 Dwelling, Novel Writing, Chin Owning Legend Of His Own Making And Captain Of his Own Destiny Bruce Cambell, otherwise known as Corey.

And despite our best intentions, we haven't taken a photo of the guy. The one time we took a camera out with us it was decided (in retrospect quite poorly) that we would wait until we'd had a few drinks before taking the photos.... and then we had a few drinks... and the rest pretty much wrote itself.

But suffice to say photos will follow at some stage, keeping Bruce's massive fan base happy (Vinny's mum). As it stands, Bruce is well, having a GREAT time now we're in Melbourne, has managed to acquire a beautiful female companion called Louise and looks forward to spending all his free time with me and Vinny.

But enough Bruce Cambell Appreciation.

We have changed hostels, leaving the Base Backpackers St Kilda, on account that it can kiss my ass (sorry Rich), for being too expensive, too much style over substance, too full of nineteen year old Oz Experience types, too wacky, too shallow and (you'll like this) too base.

We're now staying at a place called the Pint On Punt, which is cheap, above a pub and scruffy without being dirty - a great place in fact. That they give you free breakfast and have given me a job in the pub downstairs are only plus points really.

St Kilda Festival came and went on Sunday. This is a one day event where some of the busiest streets in St Kilda are closed off to traffic and approximately 400,000 people come out to enjoy the random activities, the free music on stages along the beach and all the beautiful people wearing the exact right thing in the exact right way.

A fun day, undoubtedly, although a little high on "Look at me! I'm fantastic! Hey! Look at me! Why aren't you looking at me? Look! Look!!!!!" for my own personal liking. St Kilda is certainly a place where to fit in you should either be wearing a pair of jeans worth more than everything I own, or you should be a drug dealer, prostitute or (my personal favourite), dangerous madman. A little like Soho in London but more pleasant, and with better weather.

It has been oft discussed recently that the people of Victoria, particularly Melbourne central and St Kilda, seem a little more... aloof, than other Australians. This was thrown open to the table the other day. "It seems to be a case of the Dodgeball Effect; 'Here in Melbourne, we're better than you... and we know it'". To which the Melbourne response was a swift "God damn right", which you can't help but admire.

I don't want you to think I'm having a pop at Melbourne though - it's a great place, and I'm going to enjoy living here for a while. The city is big and clean and even though there's loads of people there's also loads of space, so everyone gets on just fine. It's got a lovely skyscraper skyline that is just uncluttered enough to be beautiful, and enough parks and footbridges and trams and statues and monuments and botanical gardens and old buildings and pretentious new ones to be interesting and a walker's (or pauper's) paradise. And at night, it looks like future.

So that's nice.

The other night saw the arrival, for one night only, of Olly and Amanda. Those who read Travelpod religiously may remember they were married in Brisbane last September (just me? Oh well). Anyway they've been back to Brisbane visiting Amanda's family and managed to work in a one day Melbourne extravaganza.

Olly, you may remember, posts on here as Tightbuns and knows his Mario Kart - anything else you may need to know is superfluous.

We met up at the Grand Hyatt hotel where they were staying - this place is pure class; I felt meek on my way in and by the time I left I was apologising to the doorman for troubling him. We had some beers, a catch up, a feed (I should point out that all my half hearted attempts to reach into my pocket were slapped asunder, much to my inner delight as I can't actually afford a pint of beer at the moment) and then a quick break.

Then we grabbed Eddie and hit St Kilda, having another great meal (love you guys) and many drinks (love you guys).

It was a great evening, cut a little short due to the fair couple's hectic schedule (five am flights two days in a row), but great to see them. And my thanks must go out for the pair of them looking after me with such lordliness. Bless you.

Besides, it was probably a blessing that they got a relatively early night, as where Eddie took me afterwards was base, dirty and left me feeling violated.

That's right. With a heartfelt apology to Oli and Amanda for falling so far from grace, I must announce that after dinner and drinks..... Eddie and I..... gatecrashed the Neigbours night at the Elephant and Wheelbarrow. And for an hour watched Dr Karl Kennedy performing live on stage with a crowd of screaming, baying British backpackers hanging on his every word.

It ranks as one of the more surreal things I've seen - that of a soap star you remember from your youth singing Oasis hits with genuine showmanship to an adoring crowd. And he was loving it, bless him.

Oh, that reminds me. I told Olly that I was trying to remember what people said from St Kilda's festival and the following day's drinking for a repeat performance of the famous "Quotes from St Petersburg" feature....

Quotes From St Kilda

"This is great. This is leering. I'm going be a leer..... jet".
"Here in St Kilda, we're better than you... And we know it".
"I'm going to be a leer.... atard."
"I'm going to be...... I hate this game".
"You can quote me on that".
"I know all your porn habits".
"Women don't seem to get they aren't funny. It's simple. Men, penis, funny. Woman, breasts, not funny".
"You can quote me on that".

But the winner is....

"My mouth feels like all three incantations of Lucy Robinson have taken a shit in it".
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