Another Long Climb and a Swine Murder
Trip Start
Jan 14, 2010
1
7
22
Trip End
Jan 31, 2010
Longsheng, Guangxi, China
Monday, January 18, 2010
After witnessing the vehicular carnage and graphic level of death on the mean streets of Guilin, we proceeded to a rice terrace village called Longsheng.
LESSONS NOT LEARNED…MORE BAD DRIVING.
We got to Longsheng in about two hours. Once we arrived, we took a long, uphill, single lane, extremely curvy road up to the actual village. As usual, Mr. Liu maneuvered this road with the same wonton and willful disregard for human life that I have grown to accept as “just the way it is” in China. When we made it to the end of the road for cars, we had to hoof it from there. I begrudgingly strapped on my backpack and headed uphill for about two miles to the hotel.
LONGSHENG RAPID TRANSIT.
On the way up, I noticed there were local villagers actually ferrying people up the hill in these make-shift devices that consisted of a stretcher made of two large sticks of bamboo. In the center of the two sticks of bamboo was a platform that held a wooden lawn chair. It took two of the villagers (one at the bow and one at the stern) to carry one person up hundreds of steps to the village.
The “ferry” was very interesting. Warren told me that this is a “service” that the villagers offer because planting rice is considered very hard work. The cost of the ferry depended on the size of the bags and the person.
Ferrying people up the hill CAN’T be harder than planting rice. Hard work is ferrying my big ass up that hill. It would probably cost me $1,000,000,000 US to make that happen.
NO FREE WATER, SIR.
After watching the ferried folk (AKA f***ing pussies) passing me up the hill (which I chose to hike because it’s manly), we stopped half-way at a restaurant called the Meiyou Café for lunch. Its claim to fame was lousy food and bad service. The food wasn’t bad, but the service did suck. I asked for a water and the waiter wanted to charge me 5 yuan. Not cool…
OH, RATS….
After my no-water lunch, we continued our walk up thousands of steps to our hotel. Along the way, Chinese minority women were peddling their wares, which included books, Buddhas, traditional minority dresses, and other knick-knacks. Along the way, I saw a local vendor selling meat products. As I got closer, I realized that some of those meat products were rats. And, let me tell you, they were big-ass rats before their demise.
We finally made it to our guesthouse, a place called the Ping An Hotel. The place is really nice. The entire building is made out of wood and resting on stilts along the hill. I got the key to my room (on the top floor…more damn steps) and fell asleep for two hours.
After my power nap, I went down to the lobby and met Warren. We then hiked (more f***ing steps!) uphill for another mile to the top of the hill.
A SWINE IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE.
When we started our journey up to the top, we came across a couple villagers with a dead, skinned pig. The pig was just killed and laying on the ground. One of the villages was taking a blow torch to the carcass. I immediately thought, “Now there’s something that you don’t see everyday.” The pig was being prepared for a future rations.
I FINALLY MET THE FUTURE MRS. VELA.
While slowly ambling up the steps, I saw a young Chinese girl dressed in traditional minority garb. She was absolutely gorgeous! I stopped to take a picture with her and asked her if she wanted to visit the United States, Long Beach specifically. She said, “Sure…Disneyland?” I don’t know for sure, but I think she wants me…BAD…
We finally made it to the top, where the view was absolutely amazing.
Once down the hill back at the hotel, I came back to the lobby and hung out with some of the locals. As I sit here typing this blog entry, dinner is being prepared downstairs in the hotpot.
Tonight’s menu? You guessed it: PORK, with a side of rats…
(just kidding about the rat part…I think…)
Comments
Your wife is hot! I love her already! How many children does she want! Miss you.......... see you soon......lets eat pizza with the family when you get home and you can share more pictures and stories!
very beautiful ...........your wife, haha