The Search for Happiness

Trip Start Nov 07, 2010
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209
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Trip End Jan 01, 2012


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Where I stayed
Becca's House

Flag of United States  , California
Thursday, January 5, 2012

It's been a week since we rolled across that foggy bridge into town. The first eager excitement of living in a new city is still around, but tempered a bit by the familiarity and peacefulness of the local surroundings.  We celebrated New Years in style, from what I recall, and enjoyed the company of good friends during random dinner parties and house warmings.  Now everything’s been moved in, and the house becomes a home.  Rebecca settles into her routine, split between work and the social.  I, on the other hand, turn the living room into my mobile command center, scheduling phone conferences and lunch meetings and pounding out emails most of the day.  I’ve been hyper productive since I landed in the city.  There’s always been an urge to live here in the near future, and I figure this is as good a time as any.  Given the perfect chance to seek out an opportunity, I spend my days whittled away on the sun filled deck - sipping coffee, networking with colleagues and bridging out to new things.  It’s an odd but familiar feeling, speaking corporate on the phone.  It’s conjured naturally, almost second nature, when the time comes.  I missed this feeling of value and meaning in the objective sense of the word - bottom lines and spirited exchanges while talking future growth.  I guess there’s still that sense of business mindedness.  The ability to solve problems, make connections and put your intuition to the test.  Yet something inside of me is still keeping options open, not only looking out for my financial future but my spiritual benefit.  The urge to travel and see the world still constantly looms.  I find myself surfing for freelance writing opportunities, paid blogging gigs and anything that can be done from around the big blue.  Part of me struggling to follow my passion, while the other keeps telling me to take a step backwards.  I’m torn between two paths that seem equally viable - start something here in San Francisco, skills and a stable life I can build and develop, or throw caution to the wind and set out again, this time with the hope and drive to find a way to fund my passions.  It’s caused me some restless nights while I lay awake thinking.  Do I have what it takes to make my dreams come to being?  Moments of uncertainty and anxiety are short, but still painful.  Luckily, the mindset I’ve found from traveling unbound helps me release these questions and doubts before they bring my heart down.  I will not give up on my dreams and desires.  I’ll keep fighting and striving until they’ve been acquired, and in the end when I look back, whether I’m successful or not, at least I gave it everything, and then some, in the search for happiness.
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