Day 43 - Loss of a Friend

Trip Start Nov 07, 2010
1
42
212
Trip End Jan 01, 2012


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Where I stayed
Sengphet Guesthouse

Flag of Lao Peoples Dem Rep  ,
Monday, December 20, 2010

Here I sit, the middle of nowhere. A nameless city street, bustling with the swarm of a hundred faces all around.  All strangers, all unfamiliar.  Lost in the sea of a waking dream.  How did I come so far yet end up right back where I started from?  I feel like for every stride I make, every progress forward, something comes back to slap me in the face.  A friend I made along this journey, a friend no more.  Makes me question who I am and how I come across to strangers.  Unknowingly bereft of the understanding to realize how other people see me, see my actions, my words.  Am I really that blind to myself?  Unconscious behavior that only serves to push people away and seem isolated and empty of consideration and empathy.  Within, the passionate heart of someone with so much love to give.  Why is it so hard to let that shine?  What keeps it inside?  This journey, a means to self discovery and learning the truths behind my flaws.  Yet, even here, sometimes I slip back into old habits and bad tendencies.  I know change happens gradually and with perseverance and hard work.  No expectations to grow and evolve over night, but to be so unaware of it even with dedicated conscious effort upsets me beyond words.  Ignorance makes it easy to overlook your failings, but when you devote everything to bettering yourself and still recognize moments of weakness, it's as clear as day how far you are from reaching that higher plane.  Please show me the way.  Help me become a better person, reveal my true self to others, be open to the world and let my compassionate and loving heart light up my relationships with every person I touch.  All I ask is within me, and with the support of friends, family, and the people who care about me the most in this life, I know I’ll get there someday.  Opening your eyes to your true self is the easy part, molding your outer behavior to match what’s deep in your soul takes time and effort.  Please give me patience and understanding to see this through to the end.  Every step I take, towards realigning my actions with my intent, another step in the right direction.  Grant me courage to walk this path and learn from my mistakes.  I know I have the power to change myself.  The universe will take care of the rest.
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Comments

Micah on

Love you Evy! That friend doesn't know what they are loosing! You are an amazing friend to me and always have been!

Craig Martin on

Everett, your first steps are to begin to embrace what you see are your faults and discover why you have incorporated those into your life---were they there to help you in early life, are they there from your weigh issues, are they there because of confidence issues, are they there to assist you along your journey??? Weaknesses are not necessarily detrimental--they are there to assist us in our growth....EMBRACE all of you, EMBRACE without judgement, EMBRACE and love all of you---the rest will happened as you age and grow---the parts of you worth identifying with will rise to the top and make you what we already love, respect, and value......you do not have to prove yourself to anyone! This life is a school of learning and making choices and decisions and trying to better evolve into a higher pane of existence.....you are on a journey of discovery--do not juge yourself along the way too harshly.....as you must first love all of you before you know what to discard.....I love you my friend--without judgement, without assessing your so-called good points and bad---you are you and that is whom I love as my friend......love Craig

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