I have skewer head

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Trip Start Jan 31, 2008 Previous
Entry Trip End Mar 02, 2008

  Playa Jaco, Costa Rica
Monday, February 18, 2008

Ever inserted a skewer in each of your ears simultaneously? Have you then grabbed the ends of said skewers (now protruding from your lugs) and twisted them at irregular but frequent intervals? Like me you probably haven't but if you had you would have some insight into the sensation I woke up to last Monday night.

At first I thought that I had got too much sea water in my ears and that I just needed to jiggle it out. After about an hour of jiggliing (I have now developed quite a repetoir, including the swinging upside down in hammock chair advanced jiggle) I admited defeat and since it was the middle of the night and I had no access to medical help I decided to tough it out until daybreak like the gutsy little trooper I am. After about twenty minutes of that I decided to get drunk.

Luckily I had my quater bottle of emergency scotch handy and like a eighteenth century anaethestist I took to my work asiduously, slugging neat scotch in between bouts of stabbing head pain. Then it was time to add the temazpan. Ordinarily a quarter bottle of neat scotch and 50mgs of Temazapan renders the patient brain dead for six hours - but my brain was busy being a temple of pain and so ignored these distractions.

Finally I could take it no more and stubbled out into the night to find medical help. Luckily a 24 hour clinic is just 200 meters from my residence (if only I'd known earlier eh?) and so I arrived groggy and desperate but at the front of the none existent queue. I managed to speak fluent drunk spanish to the lovely docotor who promptly told me to pull my pants down and get on the bench. Okay I thought hmm-was my spanish for 'ears' correct?? Apparently so because she jabbed me with some magic potion and hey presto pain gone, booze kicks in, I pass out and can't remember anything else until next morning when I woke back in my bed.

Turns out that I passed out in the examination room and could only be revived 2 hours later whereupon I lurched home, held several semi-lucid conversations before getting in bed.

The ears are still a bit gluey but no longer infected and so I am back surfing after a frustrating week on the sidelines.

I hope can all learn something from this cautionary tale. I have learnt that knowing where the nearest emergency care is is more important than having an emergency bottle of scotch handy (both is good of course) and that some lady doctors have very nice eyes...but that's a different story...

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