Entrepreneurial Vietnam
Trip Start
Feb 04, 2010
1
10
12
Trip End
Oct 01, 2010
Ha Long Bay, Hải Phòng, Vietnam
Friday, June 11, 2010
I don't know why I like Vietnam so much. Many people don’t. I’ve realised though that wherever you go, your experiences are always determined primarily by the people that you meet. You could be in the ass end of nowhere but as long as the people around you are good fun and sound friends; often when in a tight spot, you’ll have a blast. On the other hand you could be cruising one of the “future” 7 natural wonders of the world with a guy who’s drive for karaoke involvement could rival a big brother contestants desire to be the centre of attention. His name I forget but let’s just call him VimJay.
VimJay first came into my life at 8am on the morning of the 11th June. He was my tour guide for the fabled Ha Long Bay. I’d decided to book a tour to coincide with some friends from earlier in my travels and to their credit it was a deal and a half. More than half the price of the popular tour run by the very western “Hanoi Backpackers”. VimJay was decked out in white trousers, a white fake D&G top (including shiny buttons with D&G on them), white trainers and white socks. His greeting was excitable given it was 8am. He stole my white (must have caught his eye) trilby and did a classic MJ moonwalk, poorly. While singing something that sounded a bit like the lyrics of Billy Jean. It sounded more like he was attempting to launch a new brand of designer jeans; Billy Jeans. I’m in, it’s a great name.
Needless to say his earlier energy quickly faded. As it often does when you make a friend with a Vietnamese who likes to sell stuff to tourists; and we were castrated for literally going outside the lines on a registration form for the boat at Ha Long Bay itself.
“Are you child? No! You must write your names again.”
“But there are only 20 places on the form and there are 23 of us, how can we fit?”
“Are you stupid? I think so. Write your names again, everyone.”
Sulking and smoking quickly followed. Once the form was done (we used 3 lines on the second page) he bounced to his feet and gave another lively rendition of Billy Jeans.
VimJay was quite slight even by Vietnamese standards. The top of his head barely passed the half way point of my biceps and his shoulders had with a width that would have made a small shirt size look baggy.
We got on the boat with a crowd of about 20 of us and to its credit, the boat was pretty cool. 3 decks: the bottom, accommodation; the first floor had a bar/restaurant and the top was open air. Although it could have done with a few extra chairs on top and a lick of varnish here and there it was pretty sweet and it was ours for the next two days and one night. The activities included hitting up a massive cave, which it was generally agreed should be converted into an epic club; cruising between phenomenal limestone rock formations that make up the 2,000 islands of Ha Long Bay; Jumping off the top deck after a few minutes of nervous standing around; and the infamous Kayaking as undertaken by 3 Uruguayans on the tour.
It was harmless enough but the guys from Uruguay returned after 30 minutes with 2 broken ores. No big deal. We assumed they would sort it out privately. Not the case, VimJay was an entrepreneur after all. No, instead we sat down for dinner and listened to a convoluted explanation of the evenings activities (including a plan to take in the Uruguay – France match at the police station. Very nice). Then, his tone turned.
“I like to make you happy, I hope you all have a happy time, but today something makes me very sad; Let me tell you: Let me tell you what makes me sad. Today, some guys, take out, the Kayak. And break: the ores. Let me tell you. Let me tell you, it makes me very sad. You know, I am not rich; do you know how much I get for doing tour? Let me tell you, only 100,000 dong ($5) per day. I no eat for 9 hours (even though there was plenty food at lunch) I very hungry. It hurts; in my stomach, it hurts very much. Only 100,000: Just five dollar. For one day. I think the best solution, let me tell you. Is everyone pay one dollar to the captain”
“Hey man, we were the ones who broke the ores. We’ll pay.”
“I think that if you do not pay, everyone one dollar, then the police will come and take all the passports. I do not want this to happen.”
The ceremony begins and with acting that would win a daytime drama cameo, he hands the captain a 20,000 dong note ($1). I noticed that the act did not have the significant impact he had hoped for and took it back. He tried again to act this pained giving of 20% of his daily salary but it seemed to me that even less people noticed the second time.
“Mate, this sounds a bit dodgy. Did he say anything to you earlier?”
“No, this is the first time he said anything”
“Hey, if we pay for the ores, can we get the old ones to keep?”
“Listen dude, let’s just eat our dinner and we can talk about this afterwards”
“No, I think now we sort this out. Everyone should pay only one dollar. For you it is not so much. I think it is easy.”
We didn’t pay. And to their credit the Uruguayans held out, even after being summoned to the police station the next day. They eventually conceded to a $15 payment but it had turned into a matter of principle. They were never taken to the shore to see the game either. Devastating: Especially seen as they held out against the French too.
VimJay allowed us to eat and within minutes after we were done he pulled out the classic Vietnamese evening activity: Karaoke. Billy Jeans was naturally requested but the uneasiness came when he was again bouncing off the walls and dancing to every song he sang. It had literally turned into a poor mans cruise singer. To say this was making the guests cringe was to say that it was mildly disappointing to see yet another England keeper spill the ball at a crucial moment. Anyway, we all made our various exits and excuses and headed to the top deck for drinks and chats.
I genuinely appreciate, and this will go against the grain somewhat with many people, the Vietnamese scams. It is never malicious or sufficiently large to warrant serious investigation. Yet they are not clever or devious enough to be missed by even the most amateur of radars. They are obvious. Anyone can weaken a pair of ores and insist on a charge. Anyone can split a small fee with the local police. Anyone can put you in a monopoly situation and charge you over double for a beer from a bar on a boat. Anyone can set their own tax system by charging $5 “corkage” for a bottle of vodka. But they try. All the time. And who can really blame them? Without getting too deep; is branding not just an elaborate scam that pushes up prices? What about quality education? Isn’t that only available in developed countries? Could a poor Vietnamese ever realistically hope to study at Harvard or Cambridge? Surely that in itself is a bit of a scam of sorts. Only we get to learn the best scams there are: insider trading, stock market deals, financial reporting, group structuring, marketing, psychology of society. Sometimes you even get to be called a scientist for that stuff.
So really, in conclusion, VimJay was no doubt a bit mental. He didn’t really posses social skills beyond that of a desperate attention seeker. But he gave it his all and tried to make himself an extra couple of dollars along the way. He is the typical street level Vietnamese Entrepreneur. To you VimJay! Let’s have a so
