Twiddle My Blistery Feet
Trip Start Apr 01, 1979
78Trip End Ongoing
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Anyway, so what is it that I want to say right now? I want to tell a story. This story is not my usual riff. I don't really think there's much of a punch line, although if I can't make someone out there laugh or smile just a little, I recommend closing this stupid pod down and never ever reading again. Of course if you do that you selfish prick then I hope you'll have to live with the consequences for the rest of your life. And know this, I will hate you until the flesh rots from your bones. May your soul float around... Anyway, I got off track sorry. So here's the deal. I moved. And yes, that's it. I moved. That's the big story. Disappointed? Who asked you anyway, reader? You should just read and not think about how you want the story to go. Man, I don't know why I put up with this crap. Reader, as I said, if you don't like it buzz off!
Anyway, I'm listening to my I-Pod and Waylon Jennings just came on, so I should be in a bit better mood as I write the rest of this. So yeah, I moved. I moved my singular self into some nice neighborhood in central DC. A friend of mine describes the 'hood as Homo Central, another has called it the Gayborhood. I'm cool with that really because it's so close to everything that it makes my life about 100 times easier. Plus, to paraphrase Jerry Maguire, "I love gay people!" Of course in a totally platonic way, not that I haven't been propositioned every now and again. Okay, I haven't, but I'd be flattered I guess. Anyway, back on topic. First, I can walk to work, which is great. It takes me about 15 minutes when I'm hoofin' it, and a little less than 20 when I stroll. And folks, nowadays, I stroll all the time. (Strolling is nice by the way. When I was down in the boonies, I used to hoof it all the time, never bothering to stroll. That's part of what I've gained from the move, a newfound ability to not hoof it ever. It's great.)
But the big news is this... I sold my car. That's right, the man from Arkansas who used to drive from the dorm to class (a round trip of about 300 yards) has now dropped the good old Volvo and must now depend on the 11 bus to get me around. I walk everywhere, and I even developed a couple of early blisters to prove it. And it's nice. I mean, not only am I saving somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 billion dollars a year on gas, but I'm also saving on just about every other aspect of that car stuff. I don't have to pay insurance, maintenance, payments, etc. I also don't have to try to park the thing in downtown DC. But D., you may ask, what if you want to go somewhere out of town? Yes, it's true, as many may know, I'm quite renowned for my random road trips that streak down and out to nowhere and everywhere at any moment. And taking that away from me might limit my prowess to keep things exciting with the ladies if you know what I mean (I'm not sure I know what I mean so don't read too much into that)? But, money is money, and to be a true city lad, I had to make a choice, car or nay? I chose nay.
-Don't you just love awkward conversations with people you barely know? I do. Yesterday I ran into a couple I barely know not once but twice. I avoided the first conversation with a timely, I'm running late. Then I walked about 15 feet away, sat down, a full 20 minutes early for what I was supposedly running late for, and waited. I ran into them again as I was leaving about an hour or so later. This time I didn't stop, saying in passing, "Woah, you must walk this way a lot...ha ha!" Smooth!
-I walked by a lady the other day that was taking her dog out to make doo doo. So anyway, as I was passing, the dog, and old sort, started getting his deuce on. The lady, an oldish granny, threw her arms up in the air exclaiming, "Way to go Scooter!!! Yeahhhh!!!" Remind me never, ever to get a dog.
-My horoscope in the Post this morning said, "Eating celery doesn't make you skinny, just as going to church doesn't make you a saint. But hey, it's a start, which is exactly what you need now. Every time you fall, get right back up." I'm not sure if that means I should eat more celery or go to church more, but I decided to split the difference. I hope I can also have peanut butter (chunky please) because that's how I roll.
-Speaking of skinny, I recently hit the 200 mark on the scale (down from an all time high of 220). Now for me, an athletic sort (and by athletic I mean by my family's standards where previously our best athlete was a champion pinochle player), that's pretty good. People always say I don't look 200, but you know what I like all of my lbs. And damn I'm hungry. Is McDonald's good for you? Who cares, I want that shit. Stay out of my way!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I feel fat.
-Anyway, one final word. The world is pretty nice. I might like to go somewhere some time soon. Maybe I'll even go across the ocean some time soon. Maybe I'll fly away. Maybe I'll dance again. Maybe I'll sing a song with my eyes closed. Maybe I'll do whatever I want to do. In fact, I know I will because I can. I hope you all can say the same.