Lanzarote la bla bla

Trip Start Mar 29, 2004
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Sunday, February 4, 2007

Travel Tip# 50: Technology can confound the best of us

What can I say about Lava Lanzarote? Its a vast land of black rock. Possibly the least scenic place on earth, it was more like going to the moon and finding a bunch of Irishmen there. I stayed in an area called Peurto Del Carmen with Imelda, a lady featured in my travel log before ,as the number one complainer we had in Glasgow Inn and subsequently befriended me. Free digs in Lanzarote can't really complain and super cheapo flight!!! Apartment was lovely but can't say much for the Island .

I walked past no fewer than 50 Irish and English pubs, so no Spain to be seen here at all and would hesitate to go back but for the cheap drink and eats. If you order a G and T its a sight to behold. Glug Glug Glug Glug. One ice cube three quarters of a tall glass full of gin and drop of tonic, or could it have been a spritz of tonic.

Had a great time at a outdoor bar called the San Miguel, actually Imelda only drank there and nowehere else (see above moniker number one complainer), but fair enough, if I wanted an Irish pub I would have stayed home. Met a cute spanish fella and just like in chick lit, "foreign girl kisses cute spanish boy who only knows little english" I was cool with that, and sweetly enough like "Sweet Valley High" cute spanish boy tries to give foreign girl bracelet off his wrist. I couldn't take it as he told me that is was given to him as a gift from his dead aunt! and couldn't tell him that I was not his women in shining armour, I was just a wee kiss in a flung off island 100 km off the west coast of Africa. We enjoyed an amazing pizza, one of the best ever and I am THEE connaseur of pizza although my dad would argue that.

Now the 9 hour bus tour...good god, this was one of those tours that remind you why not to take these. Some of it was good, but mostly I just wanted to jump ship(or bus) like a few people eventually did and....possibly a death.

I was first taken on a "magnificent camel ride up a volcano" this was a camel ride with a hundred other tourists around a parking lot of black rock. I could not stop laughing, especially at the two fellas in front of me looking a bit frightened as their camel had a biiiig wiggle. (see video, you can hear me sniffle from crying and then a squeak thats from me not the camel chair). The girl beside me was really uncomfortable with me being her wing- man on the same camel, I could barely speak. I was just at the stage where my giggle fit subsided when I got on the bus, looked behind me as we were driving off to catch a glimpse of our parking lot trail , when I see a body bag being put in an ambulance. I looked to the left and right of me to see if anyone saw it, but no everyone was smiling pleasantly at their little ride on a camel, they were probably very please at being "this"tall to ride this camel. Again, giggles began, but now had a sinister mood to them. We then drove the bus up to a volcano, which was neat, especially when they demonstrated the "extreme heat that was just beneath the surface"....by suprising us by shoveling hot lava rocks onto our hands. Lovely. See video for demonstration.

After finally getting to our lunch destination, in a "traditional small spanish villiage" we then had our defectors jump ship and can you believe fish and chips were served, spanish?? I overheard a lady say under here breath, "for fucks sake". The day ended with a view of the Worlds Largest Cactus. Woo hoo. "Plastic of course"....the driver jested in Spanish, English and German and subsequently a polite laugh in Spanish then English then German. Get meeeee off this bus, if it weren't sooo bad it would have been absolute shit.

I spent a day trying to suss out a new camera as you know mine was nicked in Paris the night the Oilers lost. Sorry didn't mean to remind you, or me for that matter. What a bunch of rip off artists!!! They sell you the camera you want, but need to get if ready for you, they proceed to sit you down, offer you a drink, none of which I was buying into right from the start and try to sell you on the virtues of another camera that is "even better" than the one you purchased. First clue right there, they give you all this mumbo jumbo about round pixels and square pixels, interjecting it with compliments of your country. After about five minutes of this I said, "I am not getting my camera am I?" "Of course I was". I then demanded my money back which I got. Soooo many people I have found out have been ripped off this way....

So wasn't the greatest trip....

Have had a few giggles around here as well...tonight at Fawity Towers.....I was on the desk printing off some report or another when I hear the barman in the back office testing one of the radios in a silly voice, "Helllooooooooo, testing, testing, come in, come in, hellllllloooo der, anyone der?"two minutes later two policemen arrive, "We had a panic button alarm call?" I look around "no no! noone went near the alarm!" ....beside the barmans paperwork I see the panic alarm with its wee antennae and button on the side, abandoned and the barman vanished.

Few hours later after I finished writing the above.....outside having a breath of fresh air...well a cigarette actually, I radio the security gaurd...."doesn't that look like smoke coming out of that building across the street", "Nah, sure its just mist coming up off the water" "Ya, but its not coming off the water"..."hmm he says, definitely mist, I guess we will find out if we hear the fire brigade ha ha!". Fawity Towers need I say more.
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